Consumed
by moonlight-is-magic
Summary: It could make so much sense if they would just let it. Will secrets and lies rip them apart or tie them together? How many obstacles are they prepared to fight? Jori. First fic
1. When did I stop loving him JADE

**Hey guys! **

**This is my first fic so please be gentle with me. I hope it is ok. Im rating M for what will come later assuming anyone wants there to be a later! So let me know :).  
**

Here I am again, 3:10AM and I'm sprawled across his bed, my limbs entangled with his; and all I can think of is how I don't want to be here. When did this start? When did I stop loving him? Sighing I push off of him gently, so as not to wake him, and scramble into my clothes "I've got to get out of here" I mutter under my breath. The whole situation is smothering me; it feels like my life is slipping out of my control, a control I have clung to for many years now. "This can't be happening."

Most fathers would be concerned if their daughter came home in the early hours of the morning having not contacted them since they left for school that morning. But not mine; no of course not there are clearly more pressing commitments in his life, like sleeping with his secretary. But in all honesty this suits me just fine, my father and I will never have an ordinary relationship, we are merely two people who are forced to share a living space due to genes.

I climb into my bed not even pausing to undress, Beck's scent is still heavy on my skin, a scent I used to find comforting, one that had previously filled me with love. Yet someone else is vividly embedded in my mind. I don't want her there. Her tanned skin, her ever present smile, those deep chocolate orbs that have somehow pierced through my armour, I'm consumed. "What are you doing to me Vega?" I moan into my pillow.

When my alarm sounds I'm torn from the least peaceful slumber I have ever experienced, dazed I pull myself up and stretch, jeeze did I sleep at all last night? Coffee, that is the answer. Immediately deciding to skip my morning shower I grab an outfit for my wardrobe and head to Costa. I honestly cannot understand how anyone could start their morning without coffee, it is my lifeline.

I love school, the building and the classes that is, the other students I can barely tolerate. Luckily for me, the other students have caught onto this and generally leave me alone.

"Hey babe, what happened to you last night?" Beck says from behind me.

"I couldn't sleep, so I went home." I grumble in reply.

"God Jade, what is up with you lately? You've been a complete nightmare all week!" he snaps back at me. "Have I done something?" he asks in a softer tone.

"No Beck" I sigh, "I've got a load of stuff going through my head right now, my feelings are all over the place, and I just can't get my mind straight."

"Your feelings? You mean your feelings for me?" he asks .

"No.." his face immediately shows relief, my heart cracks slightly as I take a deep breath, I have to do this. "No Beck I'm not confused about you, I know how I feel about you, and I'm sorry but I don't love you anymore, at least not that way."

"What the hell Jade! Where has this come from? Last night you slept with me! And today you don't love me?"

My eyes are starting to fill with tears; I never wanted this to happen. Normally I enjoy causing people pain, making them suffer, but not Beck, never Beck. I know I can do this anymore, not here anyway, I cannot cry in public.

"Please Beck, can we do this somewhere else?" I stammer

"Fine" he sighs, and walks towards an empty classroom, I take a deep breath trying to pull myself together before following him.

"Please" he starts, but I cut him off

"Let me explain Beck, because if I don't do this now, I don't think I ever will." He nods in response, there if nothing I can do now but explain.

"Do you remember how hard you fought to get me when we started dating, right at the beginning? When I told you I didn't do guys. But you persisted, and eventually I fell for you, and I honestly did love you. I have for the past two years, please don't doubt that. But what I never explained to you was when I said I didn't do guys, I meant I'm into girls. I guess beck then I thought I was gay, you however showed me that I'm not, I'm bi Beck. I'm so sorry but there's someone else. Nothing has happened but I can't stop thinking about her. I don't want to, but I can't help it and it just wouldn't be fair to you, to carry this on."

His face is scrunched with pain and confusion as he tries to process what I have just told him, I lean my back against the door and finally let the tears fall down my face. Now that I have admitted it, it feels more real, and that terrifies me. I don't want this to be real. I watch him, studying his every move intently; I'm rooted to the spot when I see tears begin to drip down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, god Beck I'm so sorry" I repeat for what feels like an era, till he breaks the gap between us and wraps me into a hug. His tears drop onto my head as mine seep into his shirt. We are both so broken.

"It's ok Jade" he whispers.


	2. How did I let this happen TORI

"Tori!" Sequels an excited redhead dashing up to me and pulling me into a vice like grip of a hug, "you stopped texting me last night!" she pouts.

"Sorry Cat I must have fallen asleep" I reply, this seems to satisfy her, turning swiftly she disappears round the corridor to Sikowitz' class, laughing at the perky girl under my breath, I follow her. If only things were that simple in my life, I think to myself.

Sure I had fallen asleep easy enough last night, but that's not to say that my dreams weren't unsettling. Ever since I arrived at Hollywood Arts my slumber has been filled by porcelain white skin, dark hair and startlingly blue/green eyes. Don't get me wrong, it's not unusual for me to dream of breathtakingly beautiful girls, I Tori Vega am gay, a fact not many people are aware of. I've never been one of those who feels the need to shout it from the rooftops, my parents and Andre know however. No, what is odd; is the fact that the only girl to have grabbed my attention since I joined this school 3 months ago, is also the only girl who has never said a single nice word to me. Infact she goes out of her way to put me down at every opportunity. "Girl, your messed up" I mutter to myself.

I enter Sikowitz' class moments after her, just in time to see the eccentric teacher climbing clumsily through the window. "Drive by acting exercise! You are all extremely upset women who have just discovered that their other half is cheating on them." Immediately everyone in the class starts wailing and the word "why" is repeated several times. During this madness that is our class I notice two figures slide through the door, of course Jade and Beck; the happy couple, I think bitterly. But is it my imagination or do neither of them seem happy, their eyes are puffy, why would they have been crying? I think to myself. "And scene!" Sikowitz shouts bringing us all to a halt. No one other than me appears to have noticed the latecomers' entrance, I return to my seat vowing to myself to find out what has happened later.

I still cannot wrap my head around my predicament, the girl I am infatuated with hates me and her boyfriend is one of my best friends, how did I let this happen? I love Beck to pieces; he is one of the nicest guys I know. There is absolutely no way I could ever make a move on his girl. I've had a very long discussion with Andre about this, he is the only one who knows about my feelings for Jade, too say he was shocked would be an understatement.

"Dude! That is so not cool!"

"I know; I know Andre! But I can't help it, it's not like I'm ever going to tell her, plus I wouldn't do that to Beck!"

"Well Muchacha I hope not, because let's face it, that would be a complete violation of the 'bro code'"

But just because I have promised not to do or say anything, it doesn't mean I'm able to forget about it, about her. She invades my every thought, consumes my mind. Seeing her this upset is tearing me apart, and knowing that I can't comfort her only makes things worse. Yet at the same time I still feel a level of concern for Beck, I have never seen him look this wrecked. Has he hurt her? Has she hurt him? My mind is on overdrive.

"Yo Tori, are you coming to lunch or what?" Andre is smiling down at me

"Errm yer of course, wait class is over?"

"Damn girl you've got it bad, come on wake up and lets hit it."

We arrive at our usual table, everyone there already; well everyone except the one face I search for, Jade is absent. Beck looks just as bad as he did earlier.

"Are you ok?" I ask gently

"Not really" he sighs, "guys I guess you should know that me and Jade broke up, its real this time, she" he voice catches "she likes someone else."

The table falls silent, no one seems to know quite what to say, Beck's heartbreak is written all over his face.

"My brother hears voices in his head and he says they are real, but my mum says they're not." Cat states, "so maybe this isn't either?" she asks with a question in her voice.

"Look its fine, I'm fine, or I will be with time. I need to process this, but I love her and I'm not going to lose her, so if I can't be her boyfriend I'll settle with being her best friend" he says in a rush.

"We are here for you dude" Andre says slapping him on the back.

"So where is the wicked witch?" Rex pipes up, shortly followed by Robbie telling him off.

My thoughts exactly, she's got to be hurting too right? I mean they were together two years, that's not something you can just throw away without feeling a thing. But she's single now, a voice in the back of my mind states, a sense of excitement floods through me, this is short lived however as I remember becks words 'she likes someone else'.


	3. Best for both of us JADE

I spent my lunch hour in the janitors closet; cutting up trash cans with scissors and crying, generally speaking I don't cry, however Tori seems to inspire it in me. Barely anyone has seen me cry, even Beck has only witnessed it a handful of times in the two years we spent together, whereas Tori who I have only known for three months can nearly match that already. I hate what she's doing to me. None the less I have still somehow wound up in 'our' janitors closet, the one which we regularly drag each other to when we need to talk.

"Well now I'm Tori 'Sweet as peaches' Vega, I'll solve all your problems and leave you feeling warm and fuzzy!" I mutter in my Vega voice. "You can't solve this though Tori, I won't let you.

The rest of the day seems to drag past, I don't know whether its due to my drastic lack of sleep, or how emotionally draining this day has been for me; but as soon as I arrive home I head for my bed and fall into a deep slumber.

"_Tori! Tori please!" I scream at the figure disappearing down the corridor, "I love you!" my sobs are growing with every word I shout._

"_Love? You love me? Is this some kind of sick joke or are you really that twisted? You're not capable of love Jade. All you have ever been to me is disrespectful and jealous. I hate you" she spits out her voice laced with anger, and with that she disappears._

"_Dyke, lesbian, disgusting, freak" a voice whispers in the darkness,_

"_Andre please, I'm still Jade. Please don't hate me!"_

"_Dyke, lesbian, disgusting, freak" a second voice repeats from behind you,_

"_Robbie, don't do this! I cant help it!"_

"_Dyke, lesbian, disgusting, freak" there it is again,_

"_No! Not you too Cat! You're my best friend, please!"_

"_Dyke, lesbian, disgusting, freak" Its surrounding you now, with every breath there are more voices; suffocating you._

A piercing scream wakes me up; and it takes me a moment to realise that I am the one making it, a cold sweat has coated me body, and my breathing is ridiculously fast. "Oh thank god I was dreaming", turning I glance at my clock 5:30 AM, jesus; I've been asleep for 12 hours! Well I might as well get up now, I pull myself out of bed and open my laptop ready to check my Slap page, 15 notifications, "what the-" I begin; before noticing my relationship status has changed, "I guess that explains it then2 I grumble. Brilliant everyone knows.

Everyone assumes that I am completely sure of myself and ridiculously confident, which in certain situations I am. However entering school alone today and heading to my locker; I have never felt so uncertain of what to do. Usually I would just grab my books and head over to Beck, who is as usual already at his locker, but at the moment I have no idea how to approach him, how do you spend two years loving someone and then just be their friend? Especially knowing that he still wants to be with me.

My inner monologue must be written all over my face, because upon looking up and seeing me he heads over, shit what can I do now?

"Hey" he says awkwardly, "you feeling any better today? Everyone missed you at lunch yesterday."

"I'm fine, good I guess; I actually slept last night, and you?" I reply, but inwardly I'm thinking 'everyone missed me'? That means Vega right? No of course not Jade, she was probably just happy to get some peace for a change. I exhale deeply and look up at him ready for his response, not sure that I'll like what I'm about to hear.

"I'll get there Jade" he states, his voice riddled with sadness "And you will too, I'm always here if you need to talk, you know that right? Now let's get to class."

The morning seems to pass swiftly; without me taking in much, if anything that the teachers are saying and before I know it the lunch bell is sounding. I decide to go to lunch today, because let's face it, the longer I avoid my friends the more questions they will have to fire at me when I do eventually confront them. I assume my usual seat next to Beck and begin eating, I figure there is no way I will start a conversation surrounding the subject of the break up, but I don't hold out much hope for everyone else avoiding it too. An awkward silence surrounds the table briefly and I keep my eyes on my food.

"So, what's all the wonk between you and Beck then?" questions the obnoxious puppet, man I hate him.

"We broke up." I state in a tone which I hope shows just how much I do not want to talk about this, but looking up I see five pairs of eyes staring at me. Vega is looking at me from across the table, I fixate my gaze on her, her chocolate orbs expressing such a mixture of emotions that I am unable to speculate exactly what she is trying to convey, I can only assume its concern, because as we all know it is Tori Vega's life purpose to fix everybody's problems.

"My parents are out of town this weekend!" Cat squeals, breaking the tension and everyone averts their gaze from me in order to look at her, "they have to take my brother to see a specialist, so I'm going to have a party, everyone's invited!" the red head looks as if she could burst due to the levels of excitement pulsating through her body. The atmosphere of the table takes a turn for the better as the guys fall into conversation with Cat about the party, but I stay silent, and so does Tori, much to my surprise. She looks as if she wants to speak but doesn't quite know what to say, a feeling I know oh too well.

"I'll be there" I state getting up to leave, I can't cope with Vega looking at me any longer, it is very possible that I could say something I would regret. I'm half way down the corridor heading towards the janitor's closet when I realise that she has followed me. Sighing I turn on my heal,

"What do you want Vega?" I spit out with as much venom as I can muster.

"I j-just wanted to see how you are doing, if you're ok?" she stammers "Beck, he told us about the break up, about you liking someone else I mean, and I- well I was just wondering if you wanted someone to talk to?"

"I'm fine Vega" I hiss "I don't know why Beck felt the need to let that little detail slip but rest assured I do not want to talk about it, especially not with you!", her face falls, and my heart twists, I hate seeing her like this, but she can't know the truth, this is best for both of us.

"If your sure Jade" she sighs with a hint of defeat "just remember we are your friends and we are here for you." With that she starts to walk away, and I breathe a sigh of relief, until she turns back round "I think you should tell him by the way, you must really like him to have broken up with Beck for him. You deserve to be happy Jade." She adds as an afterthought, and with that she disappears.

"I can't tell her" I mutter repeatedly into the silence, if only she knew what she had just suggested to me.


	4. A relationship full of firsts TORI

**Thank you do much for the reviews so far guys! Newsiesmario your first review left me with the biggest grin on my face! Hearing that people like it is honestly whats encouraging me to update as often as i am :)**

**As i have forgotten in all of the previous chapters i should probably note a disclaimer so here it is: i don not own Victorious!  
**

"I think you should tell him" what was I thinking? God Tori do you actually want Jade to have another boyfriend. Could you seriously cope with that? It's been hard enough watching her with Beck, and he's your friend! Honestly, sometimes I wonder about my own sanity, do I like feeling hopeless or something? These thoughts and many others speculating who the lucky guy might be seem to consume my thoughts for the rest of the school day which to be honest is a complete blur. 'I do not want to talk about it, especially not with you!' of course she didn't, I honestly cannot tell you why I allowed myself to think even for the briefest moment that she would consider opening up to me.

"Ughh, at least now I can go home" I think to myself, then groan as I remember Danielle is coming over tonight, great just one more thing I don't need right now. You see Danielle, or Dani is my ex-girlfriend from my old school; we were together eleven months, but we broke up six months ago, she didn't take it very well so I agreed we could still be friends. What I didn't realise was that even after I started at Hollywood Arts she would still want to see me regularly. At least I can finally talk to someone who will understand how I am feeling I suppose. Also if I'm honest with myself I do still love having the girl in my life, the intimacy we once shared was special, it was a relationship full of firsts; first dates, first kisses, and truthfully the first time I had slept with a girl. It would have been a shame to completely wipe out someone who knew me so well.

On the surface it is easy enough to see certain similarities between Dani and Jade. They are both pale, with dark hair. Yet while Dani's skin is pale, it still doesn't have the same blemish free porcelain glow of Jade's, and her hair lacks the volume which leaves Jade's tumbling past her shoulders in loose curls. The most distinguished difference however is that Dani's hazel eyes pale in comparison to Jade's majestic blue/green orbs. None the less I'd say it's clear I have a 'type' as Andre would put it.

I'm lying back on my bed with my eyes closed and my headphones in, thinking about my earlier conflict with Jade when I feel the weight on my bed shift signalling that Dani has arrived. Pulling my headphones out and sitting up I flash her a smile,

"Hey" I say smirking; she's no Jade but dang she is still hot I think to myself.

"Hey to you too stranger!" she replies beaming at me, "I haven't seen you in forever! What has been going on with you?"

Thirty minutes later after giving her a complete explanation of my feelings for Jade and the issues surrounding them i.e. she's straight, and she appears to hate me. I have transformed into a blubbering mess with my head on her lap.

"Oh Tori, that sucks so much" she sympathises stroking my hair, "she's a fool Hunny, your gorgeous, loyal and so kind, she would be lucky to have you." She pauses briefly as if to think before continuing "I know you say there is no way she would like you, but maybe you should talk to her about it? You'll never truly know how she feels unless you give yourself a chance to find out."

"But she's straight Dani" I reply sitting up,

"Now Tori I don't know if you've forgotten; but that is what you thought about me until I told you otherwise. I must say your face was such a picture when I admitted to you that I was bisexual."

Memories flood through me, God she's right. How could I have forgotten that?

"You always have been the voice of reason haven't you" I smile, and she chuckles,

"Well you know I do try" she says suppressing a further laugh,

"So, are you free tomorrow night?" I enquire "see my friend Cat is having a party and Jade will be there, and to be honest unless your there I seriously doubt that there is any chance of me having the courage to talk to her about this, so maybe if you wouldn't mind-"

"Of course I'll come Tori" she cuts me off "look at that, who would have thought little old me would have ended up your wing man" she says laughing again. "So Mrs I guess the only question left; is what are you going to wear?"

"Ughhhhh!" I groan into my pillow realising that I'm going to have to make an effort for Jade; Dani however is in her element already at my wardrobe pulling out clothes. After a relentless forty minutes of trying on outfits its decided that I shall be wearing a short red strapless dress and some plain black heals because according to Dani my "arse looks amazing in it."

Its nine when she finally leaves, stating that she will be round tomorrow at five, Andre is getting here at seven. Right now I need to sleep because if I keep over analysing the possible outcomes of tomorrow I may go insane. God I hope things go well.

My night's sleep was far from satisfying, and stretching myself out of bed at 10AM I feel anything but relaxed. The morning passes exceptionally quickly, Trina had heard about the party and insisted on me giving her an opinion on every outfit she owned before ignoring what I had to say and settling on a hot pink denim playsuit and some ridiculously high healed purple boots.

After that ordeal five o'clock seemed to creep up on me and before I knew it the doorbell rang. Opening my door I was literally left speachless, Dani looked amazing; she had straightened her hair and was wearing an emerald coloured low cut dress which stopped mid way down her thighs.

"Wow" was all I could muster.

"Nice to see you again too" she giggled "I thought I might as well try to look good, after all if things go right for you and Jade I don't want to stand around alone all night, you never know I might find someone I think is cute" she states with a wink.

"Oh don't worry Dani you'll have them queuing up" I assure her.

The next couple of hours fly by, and not even ten minutes after I finish getting ready Andre arrives. I introduce him and Dani, leaving out the fact that she's my ex, and me him and Trina head to Cat's. To say I am nervous would be a gross understatement; this evening could end with me ridiculously happy or completely destroyed.


	5. Finding a pin in a haystack JADE

For the most of today I have been in two minds, I must have decided that I wasn't going to Cat's party at least fifty times, and each time I have managed to talk myself back into going. It was nine o'clock when I finally decided to leave, and in all honesty it was the half litre of vodka I had consumed whilst arguing with myself that pushed me to do so. I have been standing outside the front of Cat's house for the best part of half an hour now and I'm freezing, given my choice of outfit; black tights, black mini skirt and a black corset top lased with violet trim, it is hardly a surprise. "Man up West, it's just a fucking party" I mutter to myself and head for the door.

Cat's house is heaving with people; the pubescent angst hanging in the air is thick enough to cut with a knife. Music is blaring so loudly that it is almost impossible to hear myself think, but that suits me just fine, I've always thought the louder the music the better, besides right now I don't really want to hear myself think. Grabbing a cup of fruity punch from the table closest to me I begin to push through the room, moving through the continuous stream of people I keep my eyes peeled for my friends. I know they are all here somewhere, however given that I only actually consider five people to truly be my friends, and that there are at least a hundred teenagers in this house right now, locating any of them seems about as likely as finding a pin in a haystack.

Fifteen minutes later it seems that I am no closer to locating any of them, so I decide to just dance for a bit, it's a party after all, I've already consumed enough alcohol to leave me more than just a bit tipsy.

"Jade! You came!" a high pitched voice squeals from behind me, and the next thing I know I'm on the floor.

"Cat, get off me!" I scream, somehow the drunken girl had managed to trip whilst attempting to hug me, and instead sent us both plummeting to the floor.

"Whoopsie" she sang in a childish voice whilst clambering back to her feet, "but you came! I didn't think you were coming because I hadn't seen you; but you did! Your here! Yay!" she exclaimed.

Christ, and I thought I was drunk. After what felt like an era I finally managed to convince her to take me to the others, making a brief pit stop to grab some more punch. Cat led me into the kitchen, where the first thing I noticed was Andre and Robbie dancing on top of the kitchen units using various kitchen utensils as props. What the hell sort of a party was this? Then I saw her, it was only from behind; but I would know her from any angle. She really is outstandingly beautiful, her luscious tan legs seem to stretch on for miles, and the way her dress clings to her arse is divine, subconsciously I lick my lips. There is another girl with her though, she has a different type of beauty to Tori but there is no denying it, she's stunning, and she is touching Tori the whole while they are talking. What is going on? I wonder frowning.

"Jade's here!" Cat announces at the top of her lungs, the girl standing next to Tori seems to notice my frown before I can cover it up, and she actually seems to smirk at me. Gradually the others all turn around, Tori smiles at me her pearly white teeth glistening, and dang she truly has the perfect smile. The sudden act of turning however proves too much for Robbie who proceeds to lose his balance causing him to fall and land in the sink. A general laugh is shared between the rest of us, but given our levels of intoxication, it does not occur to any of us to help him.

"Hi Jade, I'm Dani" the new girl explains "I'm here with Tori." My mind begins to work over drive, 'here with Tori' as in with her with her?

"Yer she's my best friend from my old school" Tori adds, I breathe a sigh of relief, but seeing the glance they exchange as I do so, knots a feeling of unease in my stomach.

"Nice to meet you" I reply, despite the fact that seeing this girl with Tori is anything but nice. Tori is straight isn't she? Then why is this Dani girl touching her so much? And why is Tori returning the touches? Something isn't right here.

"Where is Beck?" I ask Cat, but the red haired girl just stares at me with a bewildered look on her face, its' clearly no use trying to get any sense out of her right now. Then again when is it ever? "I'm going to look for him" I state, turning on my heels I leave the room. I have no intention of actually doing so, I just need space to think.

I've made it through the next room and I'm half way up the stairs heading to Cat's room, where I figure I will be able to be alone, when I realise I'm being followed.

"Tori?"

"Yes indeed, that is me" she slurs, "hang on, you didn't call me Vega what gives?" she asks in what I can only assume she thinks is a questioning tone, however given her obvious level of intoxication it is simply hilarious.

"Why are you following me?" I question continuing to head to towards Cats door; I enter as does Vega behind me, she then proceeds to slump on Cat's bed.

"I wanted to ask you, whether you did what I said?" she rambles.

"You wanted to what?" Trying to make sense of Vega's drunken mumblings is proving to be just as difficult as maintaining a steady conversation with Cat.

"Did you tell him" she asks "the guy you left Beck for. Did you tell him how you feel?" I understand what she is talking about completely now.

Taking a step forward I reach Cat's bed, and lower myself down to Tori's level, gently I plant the softest kiss on her voluptuous lips fully intending to pull away, but she kisses back; something I definitely wasn't anticipating. I moan into the kiss and allowing my inhibitions to melt away I push down on top of her on the bed. "Now I've told you" I manage to say between kisses. The raspy, soft, butterfly like kisses are deepening now and I can feel he teeth nibbling my bottom lip, her tongue is seeking entry, I readily comply, and in this moment both my mind and body are overcome with joy, it is as if our tongues are dancers who are perfectly synchronised.

I'm not sure how long we had been in Cat's room for, but a sudden combination on events: Tori's hand making contact with my inner thigh, and voices in the corridor, cause me to pull back sharply. Looking down at the beautiful Latina, a part of me begged to stay, a larger part however screamed at me to get out while I still could, sadly this part one out, pausing briefly to look once more into her bewildered eyes, I turned and fled. I needed to put as much distance as I could between me and Tori.

It has been ten minutes now since I left Tori alone on cat's bed, Eight since I escaped the house, and five since I stopped running. And this is how long it has taken me to realise I want to be back there. That I want to explain, no I need to explain to her. "For fuck sake" I mutter to myself, before turning back to Cat's house.

The crowd which had previously filled Cat's house had thinned now; good hopefully it'll be easier to find her I think to myself, unless she's already left. Ten minutes pass and I seem to have done a full circuit of the house and still I have not found her, I'm starting to panic now, I've seen both Trina and the Dani girl who she was here with, surely she wouldn't have left without them right? I'm losing hope when I decide to duck into the back garden for some air.

Then I see her.

Tori Vega, the girl I can't stop thinking about.

The girl who I have finally admitted my feelings for.

The girl whose lips were on mine not yet an hour ago.

Yes there I see her. Kissing Beck.


	6. blurred the boundaries TORI

**Sorry for the cliff hanger guys :) but it was needed. **

**Thank you again for reviewing each one makes me happy :) its just so nice to know that people are actually enjoying something I have written!  
**

**Once again, I do not own Victorious.  
**

My head is pounding and my memory is foggy, glancing around I realise that I am in my bed; wearing only a tank top and my panties, I have no idea how I got home, let alone getting undressed. There is a weight on my chest; an arm loosely slung across it; belonging to a half naked Dani, "Oh god I didn't did I?" I mutter pausing in an attempt to regain my memory. She had looked amazing, and I was clearly extremely drunk. Could it be possible that we had once again blurred the boundaries between just friends and something more? A knock sounds on my bedroom door, shit if my parents see Dani in my bed; in only her bra and boxers I am dead.

"Tori?" a voice questions from the other side,

"Andre?" now I am totally confused, he pushes the door open and enters my room wearing only a white vest top and some boxer shorts.

"Jesus Christ how many half naked friends slept in my house last night?" I exclaim.

Andre seems somewhat confused before noticing Dani next to me,

"Jeeze girl I thought she was just a friend" he smirks and I throw a pillow at him, "calm it Tori I'm not trying to put a downer on things, I wish I could say I had woken up next to an incredibly hot chick."

"Not to be rude Andre, but why are you in my house?" I sigh; my head feels like it is going to burst.

"Well you see I'm not too sure on that one myself" he replies "all I know is that I woke up in a bath tub, wearing only this, oh and there were various other objects with me too" he trails off

"Various other objects?"

"Errm well yes, a kitchen pan, a spatula and Rex too be precise" he states

What on earth is going on? How much did I drink last night?

"So what's going on with you and Dani then? Did you sleep with her last night?"

"No she didn't" Dani replies, causing us both to jump; neither of us had noticed her wake up, "She tried to though" Dani adds causing my face to flush scarlet.

"I tried too? What is that supposed to mean?" I blurt out in a rush, not even attempting to hide my embarrassment.

"It means that after I pretty much carried you home, and you had finally finished crying about having kissed both Jade and Beck; you decided that you might as well top off your night with me" she laughs, "but me being the concerned friend that I am put you to bed instead and went to look after Andre and Trina before going to sleep myself. The last time I saw Trina she was asleep on the couch downstairs by the way."

"You kissed Jade?" Andre exclaims

"I kissed Beck?" I mutter at the same time, and with that memories start to flood back.

_I had followed Jade, winding up in Cat's bedroom, she had kissed me 'now I've told you' she had gasped between kisses, it took you a moment to realise what she was saying, that this was her answering your question. You were the 'guy' she had left Beck for. Fireworks of joy seemed to explode in your stomach. Jade likes you, how can I possibly be this lucky? The heat of the moment seemed to intensify when Jade realised you were returning her kiss, deepening it even, feeling her moan against your lips sends shivers down your body. The alcohol in your system makes you feel bold, and in this situation you certainly know what you want; so you graze your hand down her body, leaving the other one on the back of her head, and you begin to caress her inner thigh. Her response however is disastrous, she pulls off of you in an instant and recoils away, your eyes lock one last time and then she is gone. _

_It took you all of about two minutes to decide to go after her, but with the sheer volume of people in the house it soon became apparent that this was a lost cause. In one last attempt to find her; you pushed your way to the back garden preying she had gone to get air. But no, the girl seemed to have vanished completely. _

"_Tori?" a broken voice questioned from the darkness,_

"_Beck?" you respond, and his figure staggers towards you, it's clear that he has been crying. "Hey, what's the matter?" you ask genuinely concerned._

"_I love her so much" he sobs, and a wave of guilt jolts through your body._

"_Oh Beck" is all you can manage holding back your own tears; having now realised the extent of betrayal surrounding you. You pull him into a hug not knowing how else to comfort him, his lips crash into yours and your body seems to respond before your mind has even realised what is happening. It can't have lasted more than thirty seconds before you became fully aware of the situation and pushed him away. _

"_Beck I can't" you state, shaking._

"_Tori, did I do something wrong?" he questions in his still broken voice._

"_No Beck I did. I shouldn't have kissed you back. See the thing is- well I'm gay Beck." Even you are amazed you have said it. The shock across his face worries you; but you can't deal with that right now. Stumbling back into the party you find Dani and Andre and make it clear that you need to leave, you can barely contain the emotionally ridden sobs which are raking through your body._

"Oh my god!" I groan into my hands "I can't believe that actually happened, how do I get myself into these sort of things?" I can feel the tears in the back of my eyes threatening to reappear as I recount the previous night's events to Andre.

"Tori" Dani sighs pulling me into a hug, "I think you cried enough last night babe, besides it's not like you initiated either of these kisses, your clearly just too damn adorable for your own good" she smiles down at me. Sitting on the other side of me Andre also puts his arm around me,

"Tori all you can do is talk to them, and Dani's right, they kissed you."

"I guess you're both right" I mumble "on the plus side, neither of them knows about the other" I say perking up slightly. "Now guys I love you both to pieces but would you mind getting dressed? There is far too much flesh on show right now." The both chuckle and agree.

So the only thing I can do now is to talk to them both. I need to check if Beck is ok, he is my friend after all even if his actions have left things fairly awkward between us. The only question really is whether I should broach the subject of Jade. 'I love her so much' he had said, is there any chance at all that he would accept the idea of me and Jade? A nagging voice in the back of my head is telling me it's too soon.

Jade kissed me, Jade pretty much told me that she had left Beck because she wants to be with me. Regardless of anything else this fact elates me, the idea that someone as breathtakingly beautiful as he could feel that way about me; it amazes me. Then again why did she leave? Was it just a drunken mistake? Why can things never just be simple? I figure it is going to take me much longer to figure out what to say to her; maybe I'll talk to Beck first.


	7. Not even an option JADE

**Hey guys! :)**

**Firstly i would like to apologise to Nekneknek, I will to try to be extra vigilant from now on, but I can't make any promises!  
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**Secondly I would like to say a huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed! :D you guys are awsome! :D!  
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**Here comes the disclaimer: I am very sad to say that I do not own Victorious  
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I'm not sure how long I have been sitting here, but my coffee has been cold for at least ten minutes, for the first time in my life I don't want it.

Seeing them together killed me inside, I could literally feel my heart shattering. The few seconds that I witnessed felt more like years, as I watched the only two people I have ever loved together I genuinely felt sick. So I turned and I ran, I ran till my breath was ragged and my chest was heaving, I ran until my physical pain could somewhat match the level of emotional turmoil I was feeling. I never wanted to stop, I wanted to push everything as far behind me as possible, but eventually my body refused to go any further and I collapsed in a bundle under a tree. My emotional pain had won the battle and I was finally forced to give in to my needs and allow myself to cry.

I had lost all awareness of time, my emotions were finally flowing freely; all the tears which I have been suppressing for as long as I can remember heaved themselves out of my body. Together Tori Vega and Beck Oliver had finally succeeded in breaking my carefully put together emotional barrier. Eventually the darkness shielding me subsided and daybreak began. Despite my instincts to stay where I was, I also knew that I couldn't remain here in my current state. Realistically I should have headed home, it would have been the logical thing to do, but for once I didn't want to be alone.

This in itself presented an obstacle; trust has always been an issue for me and whilst I consider both Andre and Robbie to be my friends there is no way I would allow them to witness this side of me. Beck would usually have been the obvious choice, however at this moment in time he was not even an option. Tori was simultaneously the person I wanted to see the least, and the person my heart ached to see the most; but no I would not go to her. That had only left me with one option: Cat, despite her childish ways and her ditzy attitude, she honestly is one of the kindest people I know; and that is why I consider her to be my best friend.

That is how I came to be here, sitting at Cat's kitchen table staring at a cup of coffee that I don't even want to fucking drink. For once in her life Cat is not perky today, it would appear that hung-over Cat is far easier going than her usual self. The two of us have been sat at this table for what I can only assume to have been the best part of an hour near enough in silence. When I had first arrived she had briefly tried to question my appearance, but the tear stains on my face spoke as an answer, she knew I was not 'ok' but she also knew me well enough not to press for an explanation. The fact that I am here has told her that I need her, she knows that I will tell her why when I am ready to; and unlike so many other people this knowledge satisfies Cat and she doesn't push me to talk before I am ready.

The friendship between Cat and I shouldn't work; we are essentially the antithesis of each other, yet somehow we have remained friends since we met aged seven. The trait that she possesses which I most often seek out is her honesty, and in this situation I am once again hoping her views could give me a clearer idea of what I should do.

So far the only two people I have come out too have broken my trust shortly afterwards, and as such the levels of fear running through my system as I prepare myself to give her a full explanation of what has brought me here, are through the roof. Despite my dream a few nights ago, I am still fairly confident that Cat will not judge me, she is without a doubt the most understanding and accepting person I know. I tend to think that innocence is a luxury reserved solely for children; nonetheless I also believe that Cat has retained more of this than anyone else I have ever come into contact with.

"Cat" I start taking a deep breath "When Beck and I broke up it was because I have feelings for someone else."

"I know" she states and smiling gently she continues "it's Tori isn't it?" despite the slight hint of a question in her voice it is clear that she is has a fair amount of confidence in this statement. I am completely blown away, how has this girl whom everyone believes to be so oblivious recognised a fact that I have been fighting so hard to hide?

"Yes" I breathe "it is." Then remembering the events of the previous night I break down once again, Cat tries her hardest to comfort me as I explain the events troubling me. It's impossible to mistake the sheer shock that crosses her face when i round off the tale telling her of the position in which I found Tori and Beck.

"But why would they do that?" Cat bursts out "He is still hopelessly in love with you, and she doesn't want him. Jade trust me please, she was incredibly drunk and probably confused after you unveiled your confession; and I'm not saying that it means she wants you; but she definitely doesn't want him."

"How can you possibly know that?" I ask through my tears, inside I am pleading that the red haired girl is right.

Cat pauses briefly to think before responding

"Not once last night did she look for him last night; and he disappeared fairly early on, surely if she had wanted to be with him she would have tried to check if he was alright?"

Cat's mouth suddenly hangs open and her face illuminates as if she has suddenly been enlightened

"like she did with you!" Cat exclaims, "Jade, as soon as you left the room she followed you, I-I think she does like you!" she stutters with excitement.

Tori did follow me; she did deepen the kiss, she had even tried to push it further, but hell what's to say that wasn't the alcohol talking? Kissing me couldn't have meant her that much if anything to her, why else would she have replaced me with Beck so quickly?

"You need to talk to her Jade. Or at least give her a chance to explain herself" Cat is met with an icy glare from me in response; she knows that I do not forgive easily.

"You're a fool Jade West" is the last thing I hear her mutter as I leave.


	8. Showing her cards TORI

**Howdy :)**

**A couple of things, I'm glad you all like Cat, i know she is a little ooc but i refuse to beleive that she is actually as stupid as she appears on the show.  
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**Something I forgot to do a few chapters back was say YAY! to Newsies73 For noticing my little switch up with Dani (having based her on the fact that in the show Tori has an ex-boyfriend called Danny)  
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**Here come the disclaimers: Nope i still do not own Victorious , nor do i own the Skins qoute which i have embedded in this chapter!  
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**keep reviewing please guys :)  
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Monday morning I am beginning to regret my decision to put off talking to them; now I'm going to have to face them both. Dani and Andre had left around four last night and both of them had urged me to speak to at least Beck, seeing as I had made it clear that I was not ready to talk to Jade, I'm not sure I ever will be. I am happy to say however that my memory is nowhere near as foggy today as it had been the previous day, which makes day dreaming about kissing Jade far easier. For the most part of the morning I am in separate classes from the rest of the gang; I know that lunch however will be a completely different story. How am I supposed to cope with the two people I need to talk to sitting in such close proximity of each other?

Arriving at our usual lunch table everyone was present, except Jade, hmm I guess I don't have to deal with seeing them together yet I think to myself. It doesn't take long before talk turns to the party.

"Thank you so much for coming" squealed Cat "anyone got any exciting stories?" I could have sworn she looked at me when she said that, but why would she?

"I woke up in Tori's bath tub" Andre offers "apparently I convinced Dani to leave me there because I could turn the tap on if I got thirsty" he states with a shrug.

"I woke up on Cat's bedroom floor wearing a pink dress" Robbie muttered, everyone seemed to take great pleasure in continuing on with this story, everyone that is except Cat. What is going on with her? I start to think to myself.

"What about you two?" Cat asks motioning to Beck and I, "I heard you kissed"

"I-I what?" I gasp "who told you that?" panic is flooding through me, people cannot know about this.

"Oh, Jade told me; she saw you" Cat says nonchalantly "so what is the deal are you to like together now?"

Jade saw us? No, no, no! This cannot be happening. She saw us and I haven't talked to her since, what the hell must she be thinking? My mind seems to have shut down as I gawk at Cat across the table, my mouth hanging open. I want to respond, hell I need too! But I can't it is as if I am in a state of shellshock.

Luckily for me Beck is still as composed as ever and therefore able to explain,

"No Cat we are not together" as he says this I exhale deeply a breath that I hadn't been aware I was holding in, "We were just drunk, I missed Jade, Tori tried to hug me to comfort me but I turned it into a kiss, Tori pushed me away and now I feel really guilty" he states to the red haired girl, then turning to me he continues "I'm sorry Tori, I know I made you uncomfortable."

After briefly telling Beck that everything was fine, I grabbed Andre and bolted to the closest empty classroom.

"She saw! Now what the hell do I do?" I practically scream,

"Tori! Calm down" Andre replies "will you stop beating yourself up? Dani was right, you didn't initiate either kiss, you need to tell Jade that."

"How can I calm down? She isn't going to want anything to do with me now!"

"Jade is pretty mad" a voice states from the doorway, Cat had followed us, oh shit; how much had she overheard? Hang on what did she say?

"But she's hurt too, she really likes you Tori and after seeing you and Beck together she was a mess, she doesn't forgive easily."

"Wait a minute Little Red, how do you know all this?" Andre enquires, with the same level of confusion that I am feeling.

"Well Tori talked too you and Dani, Jade talked to me" she answers with a giggle. My god, she really isn't as dim-witted as we all assume her to be, and at this moment in time this one girl knows more about the predicament than anyone else. Jade 'was a mess' after seeing Beck and I kiss? So she does like me, oh my God I could have already screwed this up.

"Cat please, tell me what to do" I beg "how can I make this right?"

"You need to talk to her but it won't be easy, I know Jade; she is going to attempt to avoid this situation, avoid you, for as long as she can. Jade's best defence mechanism is to protrude hatred but she doesn't hate you, so no matter what she says or does you have to remember that." The girl pauses and sighs sadly before continuing, "She likes to believe that no one truly knows her; she is so good at hiding from and avoiding her feelings, concealing them from everyone else. But I do know her. And I know that she has got so much love in her heart. But the thought of letting it out, showing her cards, that scares her to death." At this moment in time with the words she's saying and the look on her face Cat Valentine appears to be the wisest person I have ever met.

"I'm going to make her listen, she needs to know the truth, and that I-I love her." I stammer "Could you drop me at her house after school Cat?" the girls nods, smiling in response and with that the bell sounds announcing the end of lunch. Heading towards my next lesson I sigh inwardly, tonight is going to be tough but I need her to hear me out, and I'm not going to give up until she listens.


	9. Be brave and want me back JADE

School finished an hour ago and Tori has been outside my house for the last thirty minutes; not that I know how she figured out where I live. I don't understand why she won't just give up, is it not obvious by now that I don't want to talk to her? I've spent the whole day moping around at home; crying. Since the incident my emotions have been all over the place; I have never cried this much before.

"Jade! I know that you are in there and I'll stay here all night if I have to; it would be a whole lot easier if you would just talk to me!" she yells through the letterbox.

"Fine! Say what you need to say" I grumble from the other side of the door; knowing that the Latina will not give up.

"Can't you at least open the door?"

"No" I respond coldly before adding "My face is all puffy, I've been crying."

"I don't care about that" she replies honestly.

"Well I do."

"Ok then that's fine" she sighs, through the window I see her figure slide down to the floor and decide to do the same my side of the door.

An awkward silence fills the air neither of us knowing how to start, should I apologise for kissing her? But she came here so surely she has something she wants to say. I guess she is finding it difficult to know how to start being unable to play off of my facial expressions.

"I know you saw what happened with me and Beck" she starts; causing tears to once again start leaking from my eyes. "But what you think you saw and what actually happened are completely different things. He kissed me Jade, and yes in my drunken state I did kiss back, but as soon as I realised what was happening I pushed him away. I never wanted to kiss him, why would I when just before I had been kissing you?" her voice is starting to break now; as if she too is about cry. "It was amazing Jade, magical, something I have been dreaming of since the first moment I saw you. But you pulled away, you broke the moment and you just left me there; what am I supposed to think?" her voice is thick with tears now.

"You really didn't want to kiss him?" I ask between sobs,

"No" she responds in a similar manner, god we are both complete messes right now "The only person I want to kiss is you."

A wave of warmth floods through me,

"You are the only person I want to kiss too. But it's not as simple as that, is it? Being with someone? Being with another girl?"

"Isn't it?" she questions "since when do you care what anyone else thinks Jade?"

"I don't" I reply before adding "usually. This is all just so new to me, I don't know how to act; it's just complicated. At least I think it is."

"I think you need someone to want you Jade. Well, I do want you. So, be brave and want me back."

"Oh I don't know what to do Tori I do want you, but this is hard for me. Can't we just stay like this? Just for a bit?"

A brief silence follows my question before I hear her sigh and respond, "Yes we can, for a bit."

Thirty minutes of silence pass and my tears have finally subsided, she likes me back. Why is there still a pool of worry and fear building inside me then?

"Jade?" she says finally breaking the silence, "please let me come in."

As soon as I have opened the door her arms wrap around me pulling me into a hug; one which I happily return. She raises her head to look up at me and I meet her gaze, it's clear she has also cried a fair amount, but she is still beautiful. Leaning down I gently brush my lips across hers, I can feel a smile spreading across her face. Her hands tangle themselves in my hair as she deepens the kiss, nibbling on my bottom lip gently before swiping her tongue across my currently closed mouth. My own tongue readily responds and I open my mouth; moaning into the kiss as it deepens. She pushes me back onto the sofa landing on top of me without breaking the kiss, this feels like paradise.

'Brrrrrrinnnnggg' Tori groans at the sound of her phone in her pocket and pulls off of me,

"What mum?" she grumbles into it, God the look on her face is priceless, she looks so fucking cute when she's pissed. "Oh sorry I'll be right home" she rambles giving me an apologetic glance.

"Jade its nine o'clock!" she exclaims after having hung up the phone, "How did we lose track of the time? I'm sorry baby but I'm going to have to go home."

Pouting I pull her body closer too mine, "fine, as long as you come round after school again tomorrow."

"I would love that." She says with a smile, however her brow soon tenses "actually Jade, maybe tomorrow I should talk to Beck?" she asks looking up at me.

"Why?" I respond, confused now.

"I know you're not together anymore Jade, but he is still our friend, I'd like to know if he would be ok with this."

"But" I stammer looking at her "I'm not ready Tori, I don't want everyone knowing yet, I-I'm not ready. Please can we just give this a chance to work before introducing it to other people?"

There is a look of pain on her face, but what did I expect I have just asked her to hide our relationship. She sighs, looks up at me and her face seems to give in, pulling me into one last kiss before leaving she mumbles "Ok, but just for now".


	10. Let the games begin TORI

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**I only got 2 reviews on the last chapter :( does this mean its staring to get boring? should I continue?  
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It has been almost weeks now since Jade and I finally admitted our feelings to each other. Weeks which have been wonderful; yet somehow also bittersweet. I have never been the type of girl to keep secrets from my friends, up until now both Andre and Dani have always known everything there is to know about me. But I had promised Jade, she says she isn't ready for people to know and although she won't admit it, I know it is because she is scared. She doesn't want to break her 'tough girl' image. I am honestly so happy to be with her but this is killing me, I've had to lie to my best friends, I am completely going behind Beck's back; and I just generally feel like a horrible person whenever I am left alone with my thoughts.

The day after we got together I wasn't sure of how to act at school, as soon as I had entered I was ambushed my Andre and Cat demanding to know what had happened.

"She wouldn't talk to me" I had said looking down at my feet, thankful that I could act.

Both of them had seemed shocked and had tried comforting me, but I had shrugged it off; I didn't deserve this; lying to them made me feel so dirty. Lunch that day had been interesting, Jade had joined us at the table and had behaved as if nothing at all had ever happened between us; she insulted me with her usual venom; however I could see a change in her eyes there was warmth in them where before they had always seemed icy cold. I took great pleasure in teasing her legs under the table with my foot and she had flashed me a look which said 'quit it'. I had noticed however that throughout the whole time Cat had her eyes practically glued to Jade. Sighing inwardly I thought to myself that Cat is going to want to talk to Jade about this.

Whilst time alone caused me to consider that what I was doing wrong, time spent with Jade had the total opposite effect. Every night after school I would return to her house, having told my parents we were working on a school project. I can't believe I ever coped without being able to hold and kiss her. And my god the girl is an amazing kisser, she causes my inhibitions to melt away, I seem to vanish into her all other aspects of the world disappear completely. It is as if time stands still for us.

Tonight however is Friday, and the first night I am to spend with Jade, a full night lying in her arms. I know that I am ready to take our relationship to the next level; however I am not sure about Jade. Sure I know she must have slept with Beck before, a fact which makes me feel slightly ill, but I am certain that she has never experienced sex with a woman. The prospect of being the one to show her the way fills me with delight, but seeing as I know what it's like I am also hungry for it to happen. I don't want to push her too soon though; I definitely do not want to take that step unless she is completely ready. But seeing as I have been ready since the start I have decided that tonight shall be the first time I broach the subject to her.

My first time with Dani had also been her first time; needless to say we were both clumsy and very unsure of our actions. But as time went by we had become more sure of ourselves and much as I don't like to boast we had gotten pretty fucking good at it. After Dani I had only slept with one other person, and that was four months ago now; being with Jade and not touching her was really testing my self-restraint.

The excitement pumping through my body as I thought of the night ahead caused my day to pass in a whirlwind of a blur; nothing that my teachers of friends had said to me throughout the day had even penetrated my thoughts. I don't think I have managed to put together a full sentence once today, until the car ride home with Trina.

"Tori!" she screeches pouting "why are you not listening to me!"

"Oh sorry, my mind was somewhere else" I reply

"Clearly, but I am more important so listen! I said why didn't you tell me Beck is single now?"

"Errm I guess I didn't think you needed to know" I state honestly

"Didn't need to know?" she questions looking outraged at the thought "in case you haven't noticed baby sister he is one of the hottest guys at our school! God just because you prefer bumping muff with other girls doesn't mean you are blind to male beauty does it?" she throws at me

"TRINA!" I exclaim blushing furiously "don't say it like that!"

"Whatever Tor. Just tell me if it is true."

"Yes he's single, but he still loves Jade" I answer honestly, a pang of guilt stabs me as I say it.

"Yer well things can change that" she responds wriggling her eyebrows and poking her tongue out. "Can you talk to him for me?"

Groaning I begin to argue but she quickly pulls out the 'I'm your sister card' and I reluctantly agree, "But you owe me!" I growl at her.

"Yer sure what do you want?" she says seeming displeased at the idea

"Drop me at Jades at six." I respond, before quickly adding "she has invited Cat and me for a sleepover." In order to cover the real reason.

"That it?" she questions and I nod in response "Well consider it done." She says smiling; probably thinking that she has gotten off easy.

Once we arrive home I practically run to my room, locking my door behind me, and jump straight in the shower in my en suit bathroom. Once done I select my underwear for the night, if all goes to plan this choice could be essential. I finally settle on violet lace French panties and a matching bra which just happens to push my boobs to look bigger than they actually are. Over the top I pull on some jet black skinny jeans that cling to my butt in just the right way and a low cut white vest top, I smile thinking to myself that I might as well show off the effect m bra has produced and after grabbing a cardigan and slapping on some fresh make up I am ready to go. "Let the games begin" I mutter under my breath.


	11. Take the hint JADE

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**This chapter is definately rated M!  
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**Its my first time writing smut so i hope it is ok!  
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**Let me know what you think! :D  
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So far Vega appears to have kept her word and no one knows about us. I like it that way; it allows me to have the best of both worlds; I can continue to be the girl who no one fucks with at school, but I also get Tori. Don't get me wrong I'm not ashamed of the fact that I like girls, I would just rather not have to deal with idiots asking me about it, because let's face it I'm not particularly good at controlling my anger. Also if I am honest I don't want to hurt Beck anymore that I already have, sure I might be mean; but I'm not heartless and Beck happens to be one of the few people whose feelings I care about.

So far our relationship has remained fairly PG and other than our intense make out sessions; nothing has happened between us. I don't know for sure but I am assuming Tori is still a virgin, she just strikes me as too sweet to have experienced that sort of passion. The only person who I have ever slept with is Beck, but I know what he did to me to make me feel good, and a sure as hell know what to do to myself, so I am pretty sure I'll be able to satisfy Tori. Something I hope to be able to achieve tonight, my father won't be home as per usual so I have invited Tori to spend the night.

She's getting here at six, and it's currently five thirty, I've showered already and my make-up is done, I'm just not sure what to wear, I need something that absolutely screams sex, that way maybe she will take the hint. I feel a smirk creep onto my face as an idea forms in my mind, oh Jade West you are an absolute genius! I think to myself. I step into a pair of black panties and matching bra, before pulling on a tight black shirt which is buttoned down the middle, and then I stop. Yes this is all I shall wear; then I shall achieve the 'oh I was running late and didn't have time to get fully dressed after my shower' look. "If this doesn't work nothing will" I say to myself after one last look in the mirror.

Its six on the dot when my doorbell sounds, show time; I think to myself. Pulling open the door I smile at her before practically dragging her inside. She looks amazing, her low cut top allows me to see a lot of cleavage, licking my lips I pull her into a kiss, and then break away just before it deepens.

"Hey beautiful" I say smiling down at her.

"Right back at you" she says with a slight giggle "although to be honest I wasn't expecting to see so much of you. You see Jade most people tend to wear clothes over their underwear"

"Well I guess it's less for you to have to remove" I purr into her ear, hoping that this will encourage a positive response. I feel her body tense ever so slightly and prey that this isn't going to back fire.

"What are we waiting for then?" she whispers gently into my ear before running her tongue along it and nipping the lobe.

I certainly do not need to be told twice, and after entangling her fingers with mine I practically drag her to my room. Letting go of her I close my door, and as I turn back to face her she pounces pushing me flat against it; one of her hands entangles itself in her hair as our mouths meet and our tongues begin to battle, I settle one of my hands on the back of her neck and grab her arse with the other, I can feel her grin into the kiss. Her other hand has found its way into my top and is caressing my breast through my bra, she has managed to unbutton my top and slide it down my shoulders without me even noticing, I feel a finger scratch down the top of my back stopping at my bra line, simultaneously she pulls away from the kiss; locking eyes with me and smiling slyly I feel a familiar snag on my bra, wow little miss Tori Vega has just undone my bra one handed.

"No way are you staying fully clothed Vega" I growl yanking her top over her head I gasp slightly at the sight of her breasts before pushing her backwards onto my bed, my shirt tumbling to the ground in the process. She tries to sit up but I am on her like lightning, straddling her I push her back down and lean into another kiss, my hands struggle against the button of her jeans, which eventually pops open. I lose my senses in a moment of triumph and noticing this she flips our positions so the she is on top of me. She holds me down by my shoulders and I can feel her wriggling out of her jeans. Once she is successful she releases one of her hands in order to pull off my already undone bra.

I can see her sharp intake of breath as my breasts are revealed to her and it's as if a spark ignites in her eyes, her lips crash back to mine and her hand caresses my left breast, I moan into her mouth as her fingers find my nipple. I drag my nails down her back and manage to unhook her bra strap; no sooner than it is undone she pulls it off and throws it to the floor, shivers run through my body like electric current when I feel our nipples make contact.

Her mouth makes its way down my neck kissing and nipping it continually, reaching my collar bone she plants a deeper bite causing me to groan before continuing down to my breast, her mouth stops here as her tongue darts across my nipple causing another shiver to run through my body, her mouth covers it completely and she begins to suck on it. Meanwhile her hand is travelling further down my body, her fingers hook under my panties gently pulling them down, and her mouth continues its journey down my body. Normally I like to be dominant in bed, but Vega's every move has me captivated, and I am currently so wet and in need of her that I do not mind.

She begins to kiss my inner thighs whilst simultaneously grazing her finger up and down my outer lips,

"Tori, please!" I cry out in frustration, "Stop being such a tease! I need you!"

A smirk crosses her face and her eyes burn into mine, she runs her tongue across my outer lips causing my hips to jolt, placing the softest of kisses on top of them she pulls up to my face and plants a deeper kiss on my mouth before pulling away once more and locking our eyes. I feel two of her fingers push themselves inside me, I let out a long moan of satisfaction and she begins to pick up speed; I can feel her fingers curling ever so slightly inside me hitting the spot where I need her them most. My hips start rocking in time with her hand and once again she starts trailing kisses down my body. Only this time she doesn't tease, her tongue glides through my folds and brushes over my clit, a loud moan escapes my body. Her hand is pumping into me and her tongue is working overtime on my clit, it isn't long before I start convulsing.

"Fuck, oh my god, oh my god! TORI!" I screech as I come, her hand begins to slow down as I ride out my orgasm; my breathing is still ridiculously fast when she pulls out completely and laps up the juices flowing freely from my body.

"You like that baby?" she asks with a smirk on her face.

"It's your turn now Vega" I growl flipping her over and crashing my lips to hers.


	12. It hurts so good TORI

I can't believe it, I didn't even have to try, Jade actually suggested that we had sex. Moreover she seemed genuinely surprised that I was so willing. She is currently convulsing underneath me. She just screamed my name as I made her come, man that felt amazing.

"You like that baby?" I ask; smirking slightly as I pull up so that our faces our level.

"It's your turn now Vega" she quickly responds in a growl flipping me over and crashing her lips to mine. My heart flutters and a whirlpool of butterflies explode in my stomach.

Seemingly from nowhere Jade produces two black pieces of ribbon, raising an eyebrow she smirks at me, "just go with me on this one." Quick as a flash she has my wrists tied to her bedposts leaving me powerless; thus asserting her dominance over my body. Our lips find each other once again in a hurry as her hands begin to work on my upper body. With one hand deeply scratching down the side of my body, and the other stroking and pinching my right nipple, she causes me to produce a sound which is somewhere between a grunt and a cry.

Her mouth begins a decent away from my mouth, a mixture of gentle kisses and sharp nips are administered to my neck; my breathing seems to increase with each one. Upon reaching the top of my breast she administers a harder bite; causing me to cry out, before proceeding to suck, damn that feels good, moving further down still I feel her tongue flick sharply over my nipple, a groan escapes my body and this seems to spur her on; a hand finds my other breast and caresses it as she begins to suck my nipple, occasionally grazing her teeth across it. After a few minutes I feel a gentle tug on my nipple from her teeth and watch her pull away.

Looking me deep in the eyes she questions me "do you trust me?"

"Yes of course, why?" I respond confused and slightly dazed by her sudden withdrawal.

She reaches across to her bed side table and picks up a lit candle, biting her lip she turns back to me.

"Wait Jade! What are you doing?"

"You said you trusted me"

"I do. But won't it hurt?"

"A little, but God Tori it hurts so good" she purrs.

I nod my head in conformation, and she immediately tips the candle. Hot wax splatters onto my stomach; there is a brief moment of pain, but the sensation which follows it is both incredible and indescribable. She continues a trail through the middle of my breasts and across my collar bone. Every drop causes my skin to break out in goose bumps and sends a shiver through my entire body. I have never felt this kind of pleasure before.

"Ok that felt more than good" I mumble as her lips crash to mine once more and her hand begins to creep towards my crotch. I feel her finger glide between my folds and moan at the contact, God I need this so much.

"Someone's a little wet now aren't they?" she says between kisses; I can feel the smirk on her lips. Her finger finds my clit and pushes down on it gently; a groan escapes my body; and seeing this she begins to rub across it. The nails of her other hand dig in to my thigh and she begins to slowly scratch upwards towards my arse. Simultaneously her mouth re-begins its trail of bites and kisses down my body.

As she places a particularly hard bite on my hip; which causes me to wince, I feel he finger move away from my stimulated clit as two push their way inside of me. My hips jolt upwards in response, but she pushes them back down with her other hand, in a swift movement her mouth moves from my hip and stops hovering outside of my outer lips allowing me to feel her breath on them; as her fingers start to move faster curling up to hit my g-spot. I feel her exhale deeply; and then her tongue brushes through my outer lips hitting my already sensitive clit. My hands long to tangle into her hair, and my hips are screaming to rock in time with her movements, but Jade has made sure that I am completely restrained. The intensity builds steadily and my moans begin to become more frequent.

"I'm going to come" I whimper and with one final push from her; my body explodes into convulsions as I scream out her name continuously.

"I think we can safely say that you enjoyed that then Vega" she purrs into my neck before pulling up and winking at me.

She rolls off of me, my breathing is still ragged and hers isn't much better.

"If I didn't know better Miss West, I would say that you had done that before!" I pant as she undoes my restraints.

"Nope, I am just a natural I guess" she smirks, before adding "But you know Tori I could say the same about you."

My breath catches, oh my God I managed to come out to near enough everyone except my girlfriend! How fucked up is that? By now she is looking at me with a half confused, half amused expression on her face in response to my reaction.

"Errm Jade, I have done that before."


	13. I don't want you to see her anymore JADE

Tori is lying beneath my gasping for breath, a smirk crosses my face as the realisation hits me. I made my girlfriend Tori Vega come, it makes me feel powerful.

"If I didn't know better Miss West, I would say that you had done that before!" she pants as I begin to undo her restraints.

"Nope, I am just a natural I guess" I respond before pausing to pretend to look deep in thought, then smiling I add "But you know Tori I could say the same about you."

She takes in a sharp breath, and a frenzy of emotions seems to cross her face. Her eyes blink rapidly and her mouth keeps opening slightly as if she wants to say something, but it keeps snapping shut before she does so. It's both adorable and confusing, what could possibly have caused this reaction? Just as I am about to query it she speaks.

"Errm Jade, I have done that before." She says sounding unsure of herself.

My face screws itself up in confusion "You what now?" is all I can muster.

She looks worried now, "I have slept with a girl before Jade. I've always known that I'm gay." Anger bubbles inside me, how could she have just left out that detail? Turning away from her I grab a shirt off of the floor and pull it over my head; the shirt turns out to be hers which bugs me. "Please say something" she almost begs, the tone of her voice softens me a little but I am not letting this go.

"You want to talk about that now then do you?" I growl turning to face her "when were you planning on telling me this then?" she starts to stutter seeming unable to form words. "Great answer Vega, I'm going to get coffee, maybe you can think over my next question while I'm gone. Who was it?" I spit, before pulling myself on the bed and heading for the door.

"Dani" I hear her mutter as I start through the door.

"Oh hell no!" I practically scream rounding on her. "That chick from the party? The one who; according to Andre stayed at your house after the party?" her eyes are glistening and she looks like she might cry, but fury has invaded my every pore, then a though tears through my brain; one that makes me feel physically sick. "Oh Christ Tori, you slept with her that night didn't you?"

Tears are streaming down her face now. "No!" she wails "How can you think that?"

"Well let's see you kissed me. You kissed Beck. And you went home with a girl whom you have just told me you have slept with! What do you expect me to think?"

"I did not have sex with Dani that night! Dani is my ex-girlfriend and we broke up nearly seven months ago! You don't see me getting angry because you had sex with Beck!" she retorts.

"But you always knew that Tori, I've never kept anything from you, not since we got together anyway. How did you not think to tell me any of this? You said you trusted me! Do you not think bringing that up would have been a better idea?"

"I didn't think about it! I can't think about anything around you except how fucking much I love you!" She screams in frustration. Her hand flies to her mouth as she realises what she has said. The room turns silent as I process what she has just said.

"I love you too" I mutter under my breath "But I do not like Dani!" I add in a growl "I- I don't want you to see her anymore Tori."

"What? No Jade you can't do this, she is my friend. My friend! That is all! How could I possible want anything else from her when I already have the girl of my dreams sitting in front of me?"

"I don't trust her Tori! The way she was looking at you that night; constantly touching you when you were talking. She doesn't want to just be your friend."

"You need to trust me Jade. Trust that I can be friends with her and nothing more."

"What if I trust you but not her?"

"Then you should know that I wouldn't do anything even if she did try something."

"Fine" I grunt; I felt anything but fine to be honest but I didn't know what to say. "But no more sleepovers!" I add, then seeing her about to retort I add "you wouldn't like it if I had Beck sleep over." That seems to stop her in her tracks.

"Your right" she sighs "I wouldn't like it, not at all. Infact I would hate it, so I can't expect you to put up with it either."

A victory smile crosses my face; this argument was a whole lot easier to win that any I had ever had with Beck. "Good. Now no more secrets ok?"

"In that case I should probably mention that there is one other girl who I have slept with, but that was right after Dani and I don't even remember her name because I was so wasted at the time. Also Andre, Dani and Cat know I like you. And my parents, Trina and Beck know that I'm gay." She reels off in a rush.

I wince at the thought of there being another girl, but at least she's told me. "Is that all?" I mutter through gritted teeth, and she nods in response. "No more secrets Vega." I state rather than questioning. A part of me wants to scream at her for keeping them in the first place. But another part; a bigger part, is worn out after a night of intense sex with the girl I love, and wants nothing more than to cuddle up with her and sleep.

"Sure no more secrets" she says smiling at me in relief. I lean towards her aiming to plant a kiss on her lips, but two distinct sounds pierce through the air at the same time, sounds coming from our phones.

Both our texts read the same:

_Sleepover at my house tomorrow night!_

_You better be there!_

_I've invited Dani! :D_

_Love youuuuuuuu_

_Cat_

_Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_


	14. Hating myself TORI

**Heyy guys sorry I took a little longer than normal to upload, I'm not staying at home atm so had internet issues, **

**but here we are :D  
**

**let me know what you think!:)  
**

Staring down at my phone screen I gulped, Cat couldn't have sent that text at a worse time if she had tried, raising my eyes to meet Jade's I offer her a smile; but her brow is etched into a deep frown.

"We're not going." She states

"What? Cat, our friend, has invited us to a sleepover and you just expect me not to go?"

"You agreed to no more sleepovers with Dani!" she says her voice rising.

"I didn't agree to ones that she would be attending with other people, besides how strange is it going to look if neither of us turn up? You won't let me tell them that we are together so how would I explain it?" I exclaim, anger burning through me.

"You lie Tori, jeeze it's not hard.

"I hate lying! It's bad enough that I have to lie about us!" I snap, "I'm going tomorrow night Jade. You can either come with me; and see that nothing will happen, or sit at home imagining scenarios that are not going to happen. It's your choice.

How did this happen? Not too long ago we were sharing the most intimate moment of our relationship so far, it has not yet been an hour since she had me convulsing beneath her, yet now we are basically at each other's throats.

"Fine go, of course I'm coming too, I'm going to be keeping a close watch on Dani."

"You have nothing to worry about, I'm sure it will be fun. It's going to be hard to keep my hands to myself with you sleeping in the same room though." I tease.

Raising an eyebrow she smirks at me, "now now Vega, once the lights go out I have no intention of keeping my hands to myself, so you'd better know how to be quiet."

My face flushes scarlet and my eyes widen "you cannot be serious?" I question, despite the fact that I think she probably is.

"Oh but I can! Now lie down, I'm tired and you my lovely are going to cuddle me too sleep."

"I'd love to" I respond; leaning down to kiss her, then I lie down next to her and wrap my arms around her. "I love you" I whisper into her hair.

"Love you too Vega" she responds pushing back into me so that we are spooning. It isn't long before we both drift off to sleep.

The sound of my phone ringing catapults me from a deep sleep.

"Hello?" I grumble into it, glancing over to the clock on Jade's bed side table I learn that it is already 10AM.

"Do not even tell me that you have just woken up!" Trina's shrill voice echoes down the pone.

"What do you want Trina?"

"I want to know when you are going to talk to Beck of course; I've already kept my end of the deal after all Tori"

Sighing into the phone as I realise she is right "yer sure errm look can you pick me up in half an hour and drop me at his RV, I'll do it then." The last person I want to talk to right now is Beck but there is no way Trina is going to drop this.

"Ughh Fine! But you better be ready when I get there!" and with that the line goes dead.

"RV? As in Beck's RV?" Jade's voice questions

"Yep that is the one. Trina seems to think I will be able to convince him to date her." I reply causing Jade to explode into a laughing fit.

"Good luck with that then, but half an hour Tori? That not nearly enough time."

"Enough time for wh-" I start but I'm cut off when her lips push upon mine. "Oh" is all I can manage as her hand starts stroking across my clit, maybe half an hour really isn't enough time.

Twenty five minutes later when a car horn sounds from outside we are a mess of entangled limbs collapsed on top of each other, both of us trying to catch our breath. Groaning I pull myself up and search the floor for my clothes. Dragging them onto my body I catch sight of myself in Jade's mirror "Christ I look a mess" I mutter to myself.

"You look beautiful babe, but you definitely have sex hair" Jade giggles from the bed.

"Not funny." I say trying to pull a stern face, but a laugh escapes my body betraying me. Hearing the horn sound again I sigh, "Got to run babe" I say leaning in to kiss her goodbye, "I'll let you know how this pans out."

"Can't wait she responds.

"Tori! What on earth took you so long? Jade didn't try to kill you or something did she?" Trina exclaims when I reach her car.

"No, just couldn't find my shoes" I reply, smiling to myself. I wonder what Trina would say if she knew the truth.

I soon tune Trina out as she begins a one sided conversation about herself, and all the qualities she processes which I should tell Beck about. My mind has strayed away to think of the extent to which I am currently betraying Beck. He is my friends, how did I get here? My hair is a mess; or as jade put it, I have "sex hair", will he know? What would he say even if he did know? But it's worth it, I tell myself, Jade is worth this, and I couldn't stop now even if I wanted to.

"Are you getting out or what?" Trina asks, dragging me away from my thoughts.

"Yep just making sure I remembered all of your talents, I don't want to miss any out" I respond, and the smile which breaks out across her face tells me she didn't catch my sarcasm.

"Thank you so much for doing this Tori, love you" she says as I as pulls away leaving me with nothing to do other than talk to him.

The door swings open mere seconds after I knock,

"Tori?" he questions "Hey"

"Hey Beck, sorry to just turn up but well Trina wants me to convince you too date her" I mumble

"No problem. And wow err tell her I said I'll think about it. Anyway how are you I haven't really had a chance to speak to you since-" he trails off.

"Can we just forget about it? We were drunk and you were emotional, and to be honest so was I, so it really doesn't matter."

"Yes, that I was" he laughs "it's just this whole Jade thing, I really love her you know" his brow forms a slight frown. "So you're gay then? You sure kept that one quiet."

"Yer I guess I did, but I guess I thought it didn't really matter. Dani, the girl who came with me; she's my ex-girlfriend" I reply awkwardly.

"Ahh I see." He seems to be thinking about something, my heart is pounding, please don't let him know about me and Jade I repeat in my head. "Would you do me a favour Tori?" he asks.

"Umm yes of course what is it?"

"Well she would kill me if she knew I was telling you this; but the person Jade left me for; it's a girl. I don't know who it is or anything; I'd like too but she won't tell me. Maybe you could talk to her, get her to open up and give her some advice or something?" my heart sinks as I hear these words leave his mouth.

"I have spoken to her a bit since you two broke up" I say trying to keep my voice even, "I-I think she is seeing someone Beck." I say bracing myself for his response.

"She is?" he says, his voice starting to break "do you know who it is?" I watch a tear slide from his cheek as he says this and I feel my heart break a little. Words cannot express how much I want to tell him the truth, I want to give him the chance to hate me, but I promised Jade I wouldn't so for now I will have to settle with hating myself.

"N-no" I stutter, god I've always sucked at lying, however Beck doesn't seem to notice. "Maybe you should try dating someone, just to try and move on?" I suggest.

"Thanks for telling me Tori, I really just want to know that she is ok. Like if I knew who it was I could keep an eye on them, make sure they couldn't hurt her. After everything we have been through I guess I thought she would want my approval or something, which sounds stupid I know because she doesn't need my approval. I just feel like I've lost my best friend as well as my girlfriend. I mean I haven't seen her once in the last two weeks other than at school." Tears are gliding down his face and I want to be able to say something to comfort him, but I seem to be unable to form words. "I mean she has even seen you Tori, not to be harsh but isn't she supposed to hate you?"

"Oh I was with Cat" I stammer in explanation, "I'll talk to her Beck, I'll let her know how you feel. She cares about you loads, I know that for a fact, I guess she's just been too busy with her new- umm her new girlfriend. She would never mean to make you feel like this."

"Thanks Tori" he sighs pulling me into a hug "you such a good friend."

I feel my eyes start too pool with tears, and realise I have got to get out of here fast or I am going to crack, to tell him everything.

"I'm always going to be here for you ok? But I've got to go right now, I need to spend some time at home, Cat's having a sleepover tonight, Jade should be there I will try to talk to her then."

He hugs me tighter still as we say our goodbyes, tears threatening to stream from my eyes; but I hold them back until I leave; on the walk home I allow them to run freely down my face, not caring about people seeing them, I feel like it's the only way I am able to display my shame right now. I'll have to tell my parents that I'm staying at Dani's tonight seeing as they thought I was at Cat's last night, this is getting too complicated.


	15. I will destroy her JADE

Still lying naked in my bed I hear my phone go off, "if that's Cat talking about what we are going to do tonight again I am going to scream" I mumble to myself. Seeing Tori's name on the screen I smile and open it.

_Don't think Trina will be getting a date any time soon,_

_He said he would think about it._

_Last night was amazing! _

_See you later babe._

_Love you_

_Tori xxxx_

I really do not want to go to this sleepover, I hate them. What is the point? A bunch of girls get together play around with their hair and make-up; if anyone touches mine I will hurt them; ok not Tori or Cat, but Dani. They talk about their love lives; which I am so not doing. And they discuss what boys they think are cute; I guess Cat's going to be alone on that one I think to myself and grin. I am taking 'The Scissoring' with me; there is no way I am going to deal with Cat's Disney marathon. But I have to go, I have to keep an eye on Dani, I do not like that girl.

I still cannot believe that Tori didn't think to tell me that she had been with other girls, isn't that the sort of thing you normally tell your girlfriend? On the other hand she definitely knew what she was doing, I had no idea sex could be that good. I'd certainly never felt like that with Beck before. It was just so passionate and intimate; it seemed every move was completely precise; I suppose that is the main perk of being with another girl: you know exactly where everything is.

A smirk crosses my face as I think about Tori's reaction to me last night; she definitely hadn't anticipated the candle wax. Thinking back to the first time I suggested it to Beck, a smile crosses my face, he didn't like it at all, I on the other hand had loved it and from there on I had insisted he done it every time. I'm glad that I was able to be the person to introduce her to that. I had thought last night would be clumsy and somewhat experimental, but it was sweet, hot, fun and just sensual. It was as if I crossed the line between knowing what I wanted and feeling safe enough to go there.

I guess I'm not actually all that mad that she didn't tell me she had been with other girls, more the fact that she is still friends with Dani. I can't forget the way that she was looking at Tori the night of the party, she definitely still has some feelings; I wish that I'd thought to ask who had initiated the break up. I swear to god; if she tries anything with Tori I will destroy her.

Sighing at the prospect of spending an entire evening in the girls presence I pull myself out of bed and head for the shower, the clock reads 12:45PM, Christ I can't believe I'm just getting up, or that I've coped this long without coffee, I guess I'm still on a sex high.

_If Beck dates her I don't think I will ever be _

_able to look at him in the same way again._

_Yes babe last night was fantastic,_

_Who knew you had so many tricks up your sleeve._

_I am definitely NOT looking forward to tonight._

_But can't wait to see you either._

_I make no promises to be nice to Dani._

_Love you too_

_Jade xxx_

I text in reply to Tori's earlier message, and I take my first sip of coffee, a warm rush floods through me as the caffeine invades my veins. Man I love coffee, it seems impossible to think that just a few weeks ago I had been unable to drink a cup after having seen Tori and Beck together.

_Please give her a chance,_

_You will like her if you do._

_There is nothing to worry about._

_Love you _

_Tori xxxx_

I shake my head after reading the text, she clearly can't see what is right in front of her.

_Oh my god Jade what have you done to my body!_

A smirk streaks across my face. She has only just realised what I inflicted on her body last night, hicky's are dotted all over her breasts, stomach and collar bone along with some profound bite marks. She can't complain, she loved it whilst it was happening, and let's face it she cannot have seriously expected anything less from me.

_Just marking my territory babe ;)_

_You loved every minute of it!_

_I'll be nice; well myself, _

_Unless she gives me a reason not to be._

_Love you _

_J xxx_

I guess I will keep my claws in for Tori's sake unless Dani tries anything. God this girl is making me soft. But I am still Jade West, and I protect what is mine with all of my might.


	16. Maybe we could all be friends TORI

Upon arriving home I had been bombarded by questions from both Trina and my parents; I had ignored them primarily because I was not in the mood to answer them, but also as I actually did not see how it would be possible to explain without mentioning Jade. Instead I had headed straight for the shower, turned on the water and simply allowed it to wash over me, the tear streaks were stripped away from my face, and my previously tangled hair returned to a flatter state. I must have stood in the shower for at least an hour, the water running cold over my body. 'You are such a good friend' he had said. The words were repeating in my head making me feel nauseous. All this secrets and lies; they are making me ill.

Sitting on my bed wrapped in a towel I feel numb, how can something which makes me so happy also cause me this level of unease and pain. I love her, and she says she loves me; shouldn't that make things simple? Is she scared of people's reactions; like me worried about Beck? Or is she ashamed to be with me? I have so many questions pounding in my brain; I don't think I can stand this much longer. But the idea of being without her now is seemingly impossible. I feel completely stuck in the middle of two hopeless options: I can either stay quiet; allowing myself to love her, or walk away and free myself from this pain. Neither of these situations seems workable, by being with her I am denying myself the right to be who I am. Yet if I was to walk away from her I would be denying both of us the chance to love and be loved in return.

"Ughhhh!" I groan into my hands "why can nothing ever just be simple?"

"Tori!" Trina sequels rushing through my door "I can't wait any longer what did he say?"

I look up at her hoping she realises how broken I feel inside, just wanting someone to notice. But she seems far to overwhelmed with her own drama.

"He isn't over jade yet, he said he would think about it" I respond flatly. I expect her to either fly off the handle, or looked pumped with excitement, but instead she just stares at me a confused expression etched into her face.

"Right that's it I'm fed up of this Tor; you are going to tell me what is going on with you." A gasp escapes my body, she actually noticed me, even during a conversation about her. This is so unlike her.

"I-I look Trina I'm not meant to say anything, but it's killing me." I mumble trying to think of a way to tell her without giving away everything. "What do you do when everything seems impossible? When the person you love is putting you in a situation that is making life with your friends incredibly difficult? When you can't face losing what you have, but just can't lie anymore?"

"Wow, errm that sounds shit Tor" she says looking genuinely concerned. "The person you love? Love is unconditional Tori, people who love you are not meant to make you feel like this. Talk to her Tor, if she loves you then there is no way that she would want you to feel like this. I know you Tori, your friends mean everything and you don't lie. Don't lose sight of who you are."

Tears are once again streaming down my cheeks, Trina, may come across as obnoxious and self centred; and she is at times, but she is also caring and loyal and to be honest she knows me better than anyone.

"Thanks Trina" I respond through my sobs.

"Any time Tori, I'm always here for you ok?"

I nod in response and she exits my room after giving me one last glance and offering me a smile which I return. What she said made sense; I need to talk to Jade. Right now however I need to calm down, get dressed and head to Cat's.

I pull on some old jeans and a blue vest top, I can't even find the energy to try and look good so I decide to leave off my makeup. Grabbing a jumper that I'm not sure is even mine I head out the door. Maybe tonight will reassure Jade that there is nothing to worry about; that would make talking to her easier I guess.

Barely a second after I knock on the door the perky red head in bouncing in front of me.

"Tori!" she squeals pulling me into a hug. "I haven't seen you in so long, Dani's upstairs; I thought I would invite her because you two are friends, and we got on at the party so maybe we could all be friends together?" she pauses briefly presumably to wait for my response.

"That's a great idea Cat" I reply grinning at the over excited girl. It's so odd to think that under the layers of child-like innocence which she portrays, lays an exceptionally perceptive person.

"Oh goody! Come on lets go see her!" she exclaims before grabbing my hands and dragging me though her house and up to her room where Dani is sat awkwardly on the bed. It didn't occur to me that maybe I should have offered to come with her, after all she has only met Cat once before, but I know both the girls will get along; so I'm not worried.

"Hey you" she smiles on my arrival, then smirking adds "nice jumper, I was wondering where I'd left it."

"Hey yourself" I smile back before adding "ah its yours I didn't think I recognised it, I'm sure it looks much better on me though."

"You're probably right" she says in agreement, but I still want it back; on that note she lunges towards me grabbing the top and attempting to yank it over my head as I struggle against her.

"Get off Dani, this so isn't fair, whatever happened to finders keepers?" I joke attempting too bat away her hands before darting away slightly.

"It's mine Tori, and I am claiming it back!" she giggles grabbing in once more and pinning me to the wall as she pulls the jumper further up my stomach.

"What the hell is going on in here?" an all too familiar voice echoes from the doorway. God she sounds pissed off.

Jade has arrived and Dani is pulling clothes off of me. Perfect.


	17. This could be the end of everything JADE

"What the hell is going on in here?" I hear my own voice echo angrily. I honestly want to tear that girl apart limb by limb right now. Why the fuck does she has Tori pinned up against the wall, to be removing her clothes, to be touching her stomach. Three pairs of eyes are burning into me; Tori's look desperate, Cat's seem bewildered and Dani's hold my gaze in a way which is almost teasing.

"Nothing that concerns you Jade, I'm simply claiming back something that is mine." Dani's voice is even but the smirk on her face shows me that she knows that she's getting to me.

"The jumper, errm she left it at mine, I'll just take it off." Tori stutters pulling the top over her head and handing it to Dani.

"Anyone want to play Singstar?" Cat offers; looking unsure of the suggestion herself.

This idea however enlightens something within me; the concept of showing Dani just how much better than her I am at something fills me with delight.

"Let's do it." I respond readily; Cat immediately rushes off to set it up and a sense of relief seems to wash over Tori's face until I add "But Dani try not to feel too bad about yourself; being surrounded by such talented singers, we wouldn't want you to feel in anyway inadequate." She looks like someone has slapped her and upon seeing this I grin and stalk downstairs after Cat, Tori following me and Dani behind her. Round one appears to be over; and the score is even, but I will not lose this, I will not lose her.

I soon learn that whilst Dani is not a particularly good singer, she also isn't tone deaf as I was hoping, her and Cat start off the game with Cyndi Lauper's 'Girls just wanna have fun'; seeing Cat and Tori improvise a childish dance to the song causes a faint grin to sneak upon my face however my frown soon returns when Dani realises and joins them. When the song finishes I'm quick to point out that Cat has more than doubled Dani's score before snatching the microphone out of her hand and telling Cat that she is now going to sing Ashlee Simpson's 'Pieces of me' the girl squeals that she loves the song, but I lock my eyes on Tori. I need her to know that I am singing this to her.

"_Fall, with you I fall so fast  
I can hardly catch my breath  
I hope it last_

Ohhhh  
It seems like I can finally  
Rest my head on something real  
I like the way that feels  
Ohhhh  
It's as if you know me better  
Than I ever knew myself  
I love how you can tell  
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me."

Our eyes lock, and hers appear to be glistening, as if she is holding back tears; the smile which has erupted however reassures me that she is happy. I would say the score board now clearly shows me to be ahead. I briefly glance over at Dani; noticing that her gaze is also settled on Tori, this riles me up inside and in response my voice belts out the remaining words.

"That was amazing you guys!" Tori exclaims "it's my turn now!" My heart skips a beat in the hope that maybe she is planning to direct a song at me in return; there is a glint in her eye suggesting this. However Dani cuts her off.

"Oh my God Tori Keane's 'Somewhere only we know' is on here! We so have to sing that together, it was our song after all!" Dani squeals with excitement grabbing Tori's arm. The frown etches itself back into my brow. Tori's face seems to fall slightly but she masks it well and agrees to sing with Dani. As the song begins she throws an apologetic glance in my direction.

"_And if you have a minute why don't we go  
Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
This could be the end of everything  
So why don't we go  
Somewhere only we know?"_

Throughout the entire song Dani's eyes didn't once stray from Tori; my blood was boiling and it was becoming increasingly harder to keep my cool. "She's with you Jade; stop freaking out" I repeated continuously in my head. When the song came to an end Dani pulled Tori into a hug and both girls were giggling; Cat looked at me and mouthed "are you ok?" with a puzzled expression on her face, clearly my poker face was wearing thin. She has once again managed to even the score board and I don't like it; I play to win.

"I'm bored of this lets put on a film or something." I state through gritted teeth.

Cat refuses point blank to watch 'The scissoring' and much to my displeasure we wind up watching 'Mean girls'. This film is so lame that it actually causes me pain, and not the good kind! Luckily for me, the others have all seen the film multiple times before and they are more than happy to chat over the top of it.

"So Tori what have you been up to? I haven't seen you since the party!" Dani asks.

"Oh errm not that much really, I've had a lot of homework. Oh and Trina made me talk to Beck she wants to date him and seems to think I will be able to make it happen." She trails off.

"Ahh Trina; she never fails to amuse me" Dani replies chuckling under her breath.

"I'm going on a date!" Cat exclaims as if that was an ordinary comment to blurt out mid conversation.

"You are?" I question "since when and who with?" I feel a pang of annoyance as I realise that she has neglected to tell me of this before now; ordinarily I know everything that there is to know about her. This is however swiftly followed by the realisation that I too am keeping a secret from her; I slight guilty sensation washes over me.

"Ooo go you Cat!" Tori squeals looking genuinely excited.

"Who's the lucky guy then little lady?" Dani adds.

"Its Robbie" she blushes "he's taking me out for dinner next Friday."

I can't say that I am completely surprised about this; it has always been pretty obvious that he has a thing for her. Dani and Tori however seem amazed at the concept and continue to bombard Cat with questions, which is fine as she is more than happy to answer them. With the conversation having turned to romance, questions lay heavily in the air between us; all of which I refuse to answer, Tori skirts around them neatly without giving anything away and Dani hints that she likes someone but refuses to say who. "It better not be Tori" I think to myself.

It is around midnight when Cat announces that she is tired.

"I have a double bed in my room and another in the guest room." She announces through a yawn. "I was thinking that Jade and I could share my bed. And Dani and Tori could share the spare bed" upon seeing my reaction she adds "just because Dani doesn't really know us too well Jade."

I am seething with anger, the concept of Dani sleeping in the same bed as Tori disgusts me, especially after how she has been acting all evening and seeing as I am not even going to be in the same room and thus won't be able to keep an eye on her. I glance at Tori only to find her chewing relentlessly at her bottom lip with an uncomfortable look on her face. Then I look at Dani who actually looks fairly satisfied with the idea. "What the fuck am I supposed to do now?" I think to myself.


	18. I am as desperate as she is TORI

**Heyy guys :)**

**I just wanted to say sorry if you don't like the chapter to** **DarkJosey66, ****your guess was close about what was going to happen and you said you hoped that it wasnt right..**

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It's been fifteen minutes since Cat announced I would be sharing a bed with Dani, ten since Jade stormed upstairs looking like she could kill someone and five since I locked myself in the bathroom under the pretence of getting changed. I look down at my phone trying to figure out what to text back.

_If you sleep in the same bed as her _

_I am going to kill her._

_Jade xxx_

Does she seriously think that I want to share a bed with Dani? I am as desperate as she is for that not to happen, but what can I do? If she would just let me tell them the truth then we wouldn't even be in this situation.

_We need to tell them_

_Tori xxx_

Is all I can text in response. Then sighing I pull on my pyjamas; I need to go back out there or they are all going to start wondering what is going on, the idea of staying in here all night is however much preferable.

_NO TORI._

_Tell Dani you are with someone else or something._

_Or just go sleep on the couch._

_But if you share a bed with her I will_

_Be entering the room tonight with my scissors_

_Dani's hair will never be the same again!_

_Jade xx_

Frustration rushes through my veins. Why does she have to be so god damned stubborn.

_Just trust me._

_Nothing will happen_

_I will sleep on the edge of the bed._

_I don't want anything from her babe._

_I wish we could just tell everyone._

_I love you_

_Tori xxx_

Breathing deeply I open the door and head to the spare room; Dani is already in the bed and smiles up at me as I enter.

"What took you so long? Did you fall in the toilet or something?" she asks through her grin. And at that moment my phone goes off again.

_That doesn't mean that she doesn't _

_Want anything from you though!_

_We will tell them Tori, when I'm ready._

_Let me know if she tries anything._

_I love you too_

_Jade xxx_

I sigh again sitting down on the edge of the bed and put my phone on the bedside table.

"So Tor, what's been going on with you then? Andre says you've seemed distant ever since the party." She questions.

"You've been speaking to Andre?" I ask turning to face her.

She nods in response before adding "We are worried about you Tor, he said you two hadn't hung out since the party; and that he has barely had a chance to talk to you properly for as long, and it's the same with me."

"I've just has a lot on my mind" I mumble.

"We know you are cut up about things not working out with Jade. But Tori babe you can't cut us out. We are your friends and we want to be here for you. If she can't see how amazing you are and how lucky she would be to have you then she isn't worth it. When we first got together I felt so privileged."

"Dani stop. What is this? Why have you been flirting so much today? Why are you talking about when we were together?"

She studies my face briefly before exploding into laughter "Oh my God Tor! No! No, no, no!" she gasps between laughs.

"What is so funny" I retort irritated now.

"Just your face. You seriously thought I was hitting on you hey? God Tor I love you to pieces but we have been there and it didn't work."

"Then why have you been acting like you can't take your eyes off of me all day?" I snap; feeling foolish now.

"Errm ok don't get mad Tor, but Andre and I were trying to think of a way to make you happy. And then we kind of stumbled across the idea that I should try and provoke a reaction out of Jade. When I got here Cat told me that Jade had also seemed 'off' since the party so I figured that if I flirted with you I could watch how she responded to it; and by the way she really did respond to it. She definitely didn't like the idea that someone else could have you; maybe this could work in your favour you know? Make her admit that she likes you? I've got to say though Tor, if this doesn't work then I think she's a lost cause. I still can't believe it's this hard for you to get a girl!"

My jaw is hanging open by the time she has finished. My two best friends have been discussing me behind my back. Been discussing a way to get the girl they know I like; but don't know is already my girlfriend, to notice me. This situation is ridiculous I think to myself starting to laugh, the laughter however is swiftly followed by tears. Tears for the fact that I have to some extent abandoned my friends, tears over the fact that I have been lying to them, and tears over mine and Jade's secret relationship.

"Tor babe, please don't cry." She says looking panicked "I'm sorry I shouldn't have interfered." She adds tears glistening in her eyes; she never could stand to see me cry, and pulling me into a hug. We cling to each other and my mind floods with memories of how easy our relationship had been at the beginning, no secrets we were just out. Sure we had gotten the occasional hate filled comment but we had brushed then off. Why can't it just be that easy with Jade?

A loud crash caused us both to spring apart, Jade was stood in the doorway looking livid, lunging forward she grabbed Dani's hair and pulled her off of the bed.

"Jade don't-"

I begin but she cut me off by screaming at Dani,

"Get the fuck off of my girlfriend!"


	19. A surge of concern JADE

Hearing Dani's scream as I tear her off of the bed by her hair fills me with a level of elation; this girl has been fucking with my head all evening and now I'd caught her with her body pressed against Tori's. I barely register Tori's wails in the background and I slam my fist into Dani's jaw, her fingers are clawing in to my skin as she tries to free herself from my grasp, she lunges sideways avoiding another blow and causing me to lose my footing. We land in a bundle on the floor. I react quickly and have her pinned down within seconds.

"Get off of me you crazy bitch!" she screams and I slap her in response.

"Jade! Please stop this!" Tori begs.

Simultaneously I hear an ear piercing scream from the doorway; I guess we woke Cat up. Looking up as Cats scared face and Tori's which is drenched in tears I pause and sensing this Dani pushes me off and manages to get out of my reach.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" Dani screams sounding short of breath, looking up at her a smirk crosses my face as I notice the damage I have inflicted, her lip is bust. "And what do you mean your girlfriend? What the fuck is going on here?" I flinch slightly realising that I have just outed myself.

"What does 'girlfriend' usually mean?" I retort sarcasm oozing in my voice.

"What happened?" Cat stammers in a voice which suggests that she is close to tears.

"I kept telling you to stop. Why would you do that Jade? Look at her lip! She's going to need stitches for Christ's sake!" Tori says through the tears which are already rushing down her face.

"I-I – She- you know why Tori, she has been all over you all day. I didn't get a response from you and I had texted you three times, I came to check if everything was alright. Then I saw her; saw both of you pressed against each other. I just lost it" I trail off.

"I still don't understand what the fuck is going on here, but can someone take me to a freekin hospital already?" Dani spits out; there is a ridiculous amount of blood pouring down her chin leaking from both her nose and lip.

"I don't understand either" Cat says "but I'll ring Andre and see if he can take us there, he lives the closest and none of us have cars here."

The room falls silent as we wait for Andre; no one seems to know quite what to say. Having calmed down now a slight wave of guilt has fallen over me; not for hitting Dani, but for ignoring Tori's cries for me to stop; and for scaring Cat.

Just less than ten minutes after Cat hung up on him; Andre arrives looking confused until he sees Dani, then a surge of concern fills his face. He begins to ask what had happened before cutting himself off and telling us all to get in the car. Cat and Tori pile in either side of Dani leaving me to take the front seat next to Andre. The hospital is a twenty minute drive away and the car remains silent for that duration.

Upon arriving at the hospital I begin to panic, Dani could make things very difficult for me if she wanted to. Cat and Andre steer her towards the check-in desk and I move to follow; but Tori grabs my hand and pulls me towards the toilets instead. Standing in front of the mirror a wave of shock hits me. There are deep scratch marks in my cheeks and on my chest from where Dani had tried to fight back. Looking down at my hand I realise that it is coated in blood; Dani's blood. Tori emerges from a cubical with a handful of tissue, wets it under the sink and proceeds to clean my cuts. Once I look presentable again Tori leads me to the waiting room where we join Cat and Andre, Dani has been taken in for stitches. An awkward silence overcomes us all until Andre breaks it.

"Does anyone want to tell me what the hell happened tonight?" he exclaims in frustration.

"I don't really get it either, I just woke up to hear you all screaming." Cat adds.

"Jade, we have to tell them now" Tori says to me gently. And I nod knowing that she's right.

"Me and Tori are together." I state flatly "and Dani spent the whole evening flirting with her. I walked in and saw them hugging, mistook it for something else and flipped out."

"Oh god our plan really backfired" Andre groans into his hands.

"Plan?" Cat and I enquire at the same time, but using distinctly different tones; hers confusion mine annoyance.

"Dani was trying to help me." Tori states.

"We thought if you saw someone else flirting with Tori you would admit your feelings for her and put her out of her misery." Andre adds. "We didn't realise you were already together though."

"What?" I ask confused now. "This was all just some trick to try and get me and Tori together?" annoyance floods through me, how dare they interfere?

"Yes Jade, my friends didn't know what was going on with me for the first time in my life. They were concerned about me and tried to help me." Tori states sounding frustrated now.

"I wasn't ready to tell you guys but I didn't really have much of a choice in the end did I. And I'm still not ready for Beck to know; so I would really appreciate it if you could keep your mouths shut." I retort making my own frustration known. Cat and Andre agree knowing that it isn't their place to tell people about mine and Tori's relationship.

"Fantastic" Tori mutters under her breath. Then adds in a more audible tone "But even if you still refuse to tell him about us, you need to talk to him! When I spoke to him the other day he seemed completely broken. He thinks he has lost you as a friend too now Jade. He was firing questions at me left, right and centre, so I told him I thought you were seeing someone, and he wants to talk to you about that. We have both been a bit to consumed with each other recently, we need to make time for our friends too."

Silence falls over our group as we wait for Dani to re-emerge, I know that I need to apologise and I suck at apologies. Cat and Andre seem to still be trying to process everything that they have just heard, and the fact that they have just learned that their best friend have been lying to them.

Fifteen minutes of silence pass before Dani appears in front of us, she still looks slightly battered but after having been stitched and cleaned up there is a clear improvement. We all stand up and head for the car, it's now 3:42AM and we are all shattered. She stops me on the way out and motions for the others to continue.

"I should have dropped you in at the deep end when they asked what had happened; but I didn't." She states looking down at me. "I know you don't like me, and right now I don't like you much, but if you make Tori happy I'll overlook all of this. Just don't break her heart ok?"

I look up at her and seeing the damage I have inflicted on her I feel ashamed. "I'm sorry" I stutter "You didn't deserve that."

She nods in response before adding "You'd better apologise to Tori too." I nod in response to her statement knowing all too well that I really am going to have to make this up to Tori. "I hope you realise how amazing she really is Jade"

"I do" I whisper in response.

We share a smile and leave the hospital trailing after the others. Tonight was eventful to say the least.


	20. Intense and fiery TORI

Arriving back at Cat's Andre decides to crash on her couch, and it is obvious to us all without the need for words that Dani will sleep in Cat's bed with her; while Jade and I take the spare bed. Tonight has left me mentally drained, I know that tomorrow we are going to have some serious explaining to do; and a part of me feels the need to talk to Jade about the way she acted earlier. But seeing as I am both physically and mentally exhausted, right now I am looking forward to lying down and welcoming sleep. Jade seems to have other ideas however, as we are both lying side by side she pulls me close to her,

"Tori, I'm so sorry" she whispers nuzzling into my ear. "I over reacted, it's just I-I love you so much. The thought that someone could take you away from me, it riled up emotions that I have never felt before; I couldn't even think straight and my temper ruled my mind as it so often does. Please forgive me?"

Rolling over to face her I look deep into her eyes, "I love you to Jade. So much. No one is going to take me from you I promise." I reply planting a butterfly kiss on her lips, "and I will consider forgiving you is one; you talk to Beck tomorrow. And two; you let me sleep now." A smile crosses her face and a slight chuckle escapes her lips,

"Sure thing Vega. Goodnight beautiful; sweet dreams." She responds kissing my forehead. I roll over to face away from her and she pulls me in close so that we are spooning, wrapping her arms around me. I repeat her words in my head, the conclusion I draw from them is that I make Jade West vulnerable, I see a side to her that very few people have seen or ever will. This thought causes my mind to fill with happiness and sleep overcomes my body.

Rubbing my eyes I sit up and feel a weight drop from my chest; Jade's arm, god she looks so sweet and innocent sleeping I think to myself. The deep scratch marks visible on her cheek and chest however say otherwise. I push off of the bed gently so as not to wake her and head downstairs checking the time on my phone as I do so 11:46AM, yikes it's late; but in all fairness we did go to sleep and a ridiculously late hour. I can hear voices coming from the kitchen; I guess I'm not the first up then. Walking in I find Andre and Dani standing over Cat's oven.

"Morning you two, how are you feeling today Dani?" I ask, both of them jump slightly at the sound of my voice; I must have startled them.

"Wow Tori you nearly gave me a heart attack, when did you come in?" Andre enquires.

"Just now" I smile "I guess I'm just some sort of ninja or something – oh shit Dani your face!" I exclaim as she turns to face me. Today her jaw has turned a deep purple shade and her lip is visibly swollen.

"I know I'm hot right?" she jokes seeing my shell shocked expression. "It'll be fine Tor, now what do you want on your pancakes?"

"My what?" I question, that caught me completely off guard, how is she so calm?

"Pancakes Muchacha! We decided to cook brunch." Andre replies

"Look Tor, I know I look a mess but it'll heal right. Sure it's not going to be fun to find a way to explain it to my parents but its fine. I totally understand why Jade done it, and it's definitely not your fault; so how about you go wake up Cat and Jade and tell them to get their arses down here before I eat all the pancakes?"

That girl never ceases to amaze me; how she can be so forgiving and nonchalant about everything is incredible. But that was also the downfall of our relationship; I need someone intense and fiery like Jade to keep me interested. Smiling in response to Dani I make a captain salute and head back upstairs intending to wake Jade first, but there are already voices coming from the other side of the closed door; I guess Cat beat me to it. I listen in on their conversation briefly hearing Cat's voice say things like 'stupid', 'stubborn' and 'reckless' before knocking and announcing myself.

"Jade, Cat who wants pancakes?" I ask in a sing song voice. The door swings open and Cat flashes past me at an immense speed, damn that girl is over excited. Jade is standing in the door frame smiling suggestively at me.

"I can think of something I would rather eat than pancakes" she says licking her lips.

A shiver runs through my body and my knees feel weak as I register what she means. The idea of giving into my urges is tempting, but our friends are downstairs and there is something I need to ensure she does.

"Nope missy. You are not getting anything until you have talked to Beck." I respond, damn that took a hell of a lot of will power.

She raises an eye brow at me "Really Vega? You would use sex as a weapon in order to get me to comply to your wishes?"

"Yes I would West" I retort; my use of her last name shocks her a little. "Now come on I want pancakes! Then you are going to scurry off and see Beck while I spend the day with the others, and if you are really good I will come over to yours tonight and cook you dinner" I smile slightly and take a deep breath before adding "and trust me you will love 'desert'" in as suggestive a voice as I can manage.


	21. You can't just try to fix me JADE

**Heyy guys :D**

**I had so many reviews and story alerts when i woke up this morning, my smile was huge! :)  
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**I'm glad to see that people liked my 'Skins' inspired elements.  
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**I feel the need to say that a few chapters back I also used a qoute from South of Nowhere.  
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**So for the record I unfortunately do NOT own: Victorious, Skins or South of Nowhere.  
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**Reviews are welcome as per usual :D  
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I've been standing outside Beck's RV for ten minutes now, maybe I should have texted him to let him know I was coming over; maybe then I would be able to think of something to say; wouldn't be hesitating outside his door. It's a very rare occurrence for me to be completely lost for words. But how can I explain my actions to the one boy I had ever loved? How can I possibly find a reasonable excuse for having cut him out completely? Taking a deep breath I remind myself that it is simply Beck, and I am Jade West, I can do anything I put my mind to. I bash on the door aggressively before pulling it open; I never used to wait for him to invite me in and don't see why I should start doing so now.

"It's me." I state simply upon entering.

"Jade!" he exclaims "I thought you had forgotten about me" he tries to make it seem like a joke but I can hear the pain in his voice. Internally this cuts through me like a knife, but I refuse to let it show through.

"Well you know me, such a busy social bee that I just can't find a way to divide my time between my oh so many friends" I reply my voice drenched with sarcasm.

He rolls his eyes and leans into his wardrobe to grab a shirt, "sorry I'm so underdressed I wasn't expecting company." Until he said this I had been unaware of how inappropriate it actually is for me to be in his company whilst he is only wearing boxer shorts, maybe I won't tell Tori about this.

"Sorry" I mutter blushing slightly and turning away.

"Relax Jade it's nothing you haven't seen before" he smirks "unless there is a reason you shouldn't look? Maybe you're seeing someone else?" A jolt of panic hits me, jeeze it didn't take long for him to bring that up.

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. But seeing as we are not together I shouldn't be looking at you like that anyway." I state flatly.

"You know what Jade I think maybe it's hot enough today that I leave my shirt off, what do you think?" he asks raising his eyebrows at me. Fuck he really knows how to get to me. And still seems to think that he can seduce me. But I'm not going to give in, I don't want him and i also dont want him to know that it's Tori I'm seeing, not yet.

"Whatever. How have you been anyway? You could have made an effort to come and see me you know, instead of moaning about me to Vega" I try to issue my usual level of venom when pronouncing her name, and seeing him shake his head I assume I have managed to do so.

"Jade I have tried to contact you. I've texted you so many times, how can you possibly have not noticed?" he exclaims.

"I- err -I guess that I have just been busy." I stutter in response.

"Cut the bullshit Jade, I know you are seeing someone else so why can't you just man up and admit it?" he half shouts angry now, then adds in a softer tone "I'm still Beck, you can still trust me. You know that right?"

"I trust you Beck so I'll tell you that yes I am seeing someone. But you have to realise that I don't have to tell you everything anymore. That's one of the perks of us not being together."

"Oh trust me Jade I'm not getting any 'perks'." He sounds disgusted at the word "I guess I was still hoping we might get back together. I still love you." These words make me flinch, "is it the girl who you left me for?"

"Yes. Yes it is. I'm sorry Beck I love you to so much, just not the way you love me. I really like this girl, no I- I'm starting to love her. We won't be getting back together. This isn't some argument that we can fix. This is me, it's who I am, and who I love, and you can't just try to 'fix' me. It doesn't work like that."

"What was I too you Jade? Some kind of joke?" he's angry now "You broke up with me and practically cut me out of your life for some chick who you are supposedly 'starting to love' but you won't even man up enough to tell me her name!" I don't even realise that my hand has risen until I feel it make contact with his cheek. "Just leave" he growls "I hope the two of you are very happy together, but she will never be able to give you the things I would have been able to; been able to love you how I could have. I would have given you everything, but now I can see that you aren't worth it."

I'm frozen to the spot; I have never hit him before; through all of our previous heated arguments not once had I even considered actually hurting him. But something inside of me snapped the moment he began to talk about Tori. Hell he didn't know who he was talking about. I know for a fact that he has a very high opinion of Tori, they are such close friends that he would never knowingly refer to her as just 'some chick'. But would he still regard her as such if he knew the truth? That is why he can't know; I care too much for both of them. I don't want Beck to feel betrayed and I don't want Tori to feel guilty. I am not worth risking their friendship over.

"Get out Jade!" he screams now; I have never seen him this angry. "I can't do this Jade, I really want to but I can't so don't talk to me until you are ready to tell me the truth." I feel tears threatening to leave my eyes as I walk away from his RV, but I don't want to cry in public, I've got to get home first.

Upon arriving home I head straight for my room and collapse on my bed and finally allow tears to overcome me. He seemed like he hated me, the way he looked at me with such a level of disgust as I left; it's not right. But I had hit him, why would I do that? I know I am aggressive; but I'm not normally violent, not towards people I care about. What is happening to me? I have hit two people in less than 24 hours, this isn't like me. I have never been this protective of anyone, I thought I was bad with Beck; but I realise now that I had merely been paranoid that I would lose him. With Vega it's different, whilst the idea of losing her still terrifies me; I also feel the need to protect her from anything and everyone who could possibly hurt her. God I wish I could see her now, but she deserves to be able to spend the day with her friends. I don't want to take that away from her. For now I must remain content with just texting her.

_Hey beautiful_

_Hope you are having fun,_

_How is Dani's face?_

_Things with Beck did NOT go well._

_Can't wait to see you later._

_Love you J xxx_

Barely a minute passes before she replies.

_What happened?_

_Trina just rang me up ecstatic_

_Saying something about Beck asking her out!_

_I'll be round at 6 Babe._

_Keep smiling_

_Love you_

_Tori xxx_


	22. You've made me weak TORI

Today has been so refreshing; spending time with my friends for the first time in ages, and being able to talk to them without holding anything back. Andre, Dani and Cat were all genuinely amazed that I had kept mine and Jade's relationship a secret for so long and to begin with had seemed mildly hurt; but when I explained everything to them they were so understanding. The feeling was liberating, I don't have to lie constantly anymore. Andre hadn't even brought up the 'bro code' in respect to the fact that Jade is beck's ex; which was somewhat surprising, but I put it down to him just being happy for me.

_Beck asked Trina out?_

_Tori tell her not to go._

_You didn't see him earlier,_

_Something isn't right._

_See you later_

_Love you _

_Jade xxx_

I stare down blankly at my phone screen; mere minutes before we had all been laughing about the fact that Beck had actually asked Trina out. No one could believe it; but I know Trina wouldn't lie about something like that. What could possibly be wrong? I know Jade said things had not gone well with Beck but how could that possibly correlate to him asking Trina on a date? It just doesn't make sense.

_What do you mean?_

_What's wrong?_

_T xxx_

Andre is the first to notice the confusion etched into my face.

"What's wrong Tor? Is Trina already harassing you about what to wear?" He jokes.

"Jade doesn't want me to let Trina date Beck" I state causing all of their head to turn. A bleep from my phone signals to me that she has responded.

_Unrequited love is a ridiculous state, _

_and it makes those in it behave ridiculously._

_J xx_

I repeat the sentence over and over again in my head trying to make sense of it; until eventually Dani removes my phone from my hands to look at it herself before passing it on the Cat and Andre.

"What exactly happened when she went to speak to Beck?" Dani questions, but I have no answer; she said she would tell me later. But right now later just doesn't seem good enough.

"I have to go." I state bolting upright.

"What now?" Cat questions "Why Tori you told Jade you would be there at 6 and its only 16:50" she looks baffled.

"Something isn't right, something has happened; I need to know what it is, I'm sorry guys." I reply already heading for the door.

"Wait up Muchacha!" Andre calls after me as I head down Cat's driveway, "wouldn't it be easier if I gave you a lift?"

Jade seems surprised at how early I am; but a good sort of surprised. However beneath her smile I can see an element of pain I'm pretty sure that she has been crying.

"Hey beautiful" she says pulling me into a hug and planting a kiss on my lips.

Pulling away slightly I gaze into her eyes and tuck her hair behind her ear before running my hand along her cheek and down her jaw line. "Hey you, are you ok? What happened?"

"I'm fine Tori-" she starts but I cut her off

"Tell me the truth Jade"

"He knows that I'm seeing someone." She states "and he's not ok with it. He said he still thought we would get back together; and that he still loves me. I know he didn't know he was talking about you but the things he said, they got to me Tori, and I-I slapped him." Silent tears are beginning to roll down her cheek and he voice is trembling slightly but I can see she is fighting to stay in control; I squeeze her hand slightly just to reassure her. "He wasn't himself Tor, when I got there he was barely dressed, he was only- err only wearing his boxers. I promise you I really did try to let him get dressed, but he refused! He seemed to think that I wouldn't be able to resist him or something." She spits these venom laced words out. She's right; that doesn't sound like Beck at all. But I still can't believe that she hit him.

Clearing my throat I voice the question that I both need to know and I also don't want to hear the answer to;

"Do you still love him?"

"What? No Tori, I love you! I mean yes I love him but I'm not in love with him!" her face looks pained at the fact that I even asked her that question.

"Then what is wrong? Why are you so upset?

"What you mean other than the fact that the guy I spent two years of my life with, who I thought I could trust; and who I thought would always be there for me can't even bare to look at me anymore?" she snaps, before sighing, "I'm sorry Tori, I didn't mean to shout, I'm just a bit all over the place at the moment. You see the thing is-" she pauses and takes a deep breath looking into my eyes so deeply; I could almost swear she is seeing into my soul. "I would like to be able to advertise my loyalty but I don't believe there is a single person that I have ever loved who I haven't eventually betrayed; Beck included. Until you that is; Tori this; what we have, and how I feel about you, it feels different in every possible way that something can feel different. I would rather die than hurt you in any way. I think that I've loved you since the first time I saw you and you are the one person who has enough power over me to have the potential to ruin my life. But I trust you not to. I trust so much more than I have ever trusted anyone in my life. And that terrifies me." Tears are flowing freely down her face now. "You've made me weak Tori."

I pull her into me stroking her hair and muttering comforting words into the top of her head.

"I don't make you weak, don't you think that; don't you think it for a second. You are Jade West; and you are the strongest person I know never lose sight of that. If anything I make you acknowledge your feelings; but those feelings were always there. I know you Jade and I know that buried inside all of the hate you protrude you care so much; about more people than you would care to admit. You care so much that you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it."

Having both run out of words, our lips find each other in a frenzy, so much has been said; yet so much has also been left unsaid, and we both know we will have to have more in depth discussions like this one. For now however we are both content with losing ourselves within each other.


	23. An incredibly welcome invasion JADE

Our kisses are frantic, our tongues colliding and battling for the upper hand. Where all previous times there has been a slow build up of intimacy, there is now such a high level of want and need. We don't even bother to move to my room, remaining instead on the couch as layers of clothes tumble to the floor. After feeling so weak a moment ago I feel the need to regain control, to possess dominance over this.

We are both stripped down to our underwear now and I have Tori pinned beneath me, our lips are still locked together and my knee has parted her legs. I push it up to her centre and begin to rub slowly; I can already feel the damp seeping through her panties. I feel her hands settle their grip in my hair, pulling it slightly as her hips begin to move in time with my leg.

I gently trace my hand down her body and pull down her panties, I hear her breathing falter slightly out of anticipation and smile into another deep kiss whilst stroking gently over her outer lips; teasing her in the very way she had me our first time; and continue to do so until she begins to whimper. Her whimpers are replaced by a sharp intake of breath and a gasp as I plunge two fingers into her and begin to pump them. I maintain a constant speed, hitting her sweet spot continuously causing her to moan out, I feel her walls begin to tighten, and knowing that she is close I pull out abruptly. She groans in frustration and seems as if she is about to protest, I silence her with a kiss.

Grabbing her by her hips I flip her so that she is on top of me and pull her up my body until she is straddling my face. My tongue flicks at her clit relentlessly as she rocks her hips gently against my face, her thighs gripping tightly either side of my head. Once again her breath becomes ragged letting me know that she is close, and as I had before I pull back again.

"Jade, p-please" she whines. In this moment, I think to myself, no one could consider me weak; I have total control.

Throwing her back onto her back I begin a trail of kisses down her body cupping her breasts and sucking her nipples on the way before continuing, my hand reaches her centre before my mouth and resumes pumping. My fingers are curling into her g-spot and my tongue is thrashing against her clit when she begins to convulse, she literally screams my name once before repeating it in moans as I begin to slow down allowing her to ride out her orgasm before lapping up the juices which are flowing freely from her body. Pulling back up I lock eyes with her "I love you Tori" I state smiling before kissing her and allowing her to taste herself.

Having the girl I love panting beneath me certainly gives me back a level of power; smirking to myself I repeated her earlier words to myself 'you are Jade West; and you are the strongest person I know never lose sight of that'. Too fucking right I thought to myself, I am not weak, and the fact that I feel it occasionally makes me human. I will not let Beck ruin things for me.

After regaining her breath Tori drew me into another long kiss and made to return the favour, but this once I didn't want her too.

"No babe. Tonight was all about you." I say smiling down at her and planting a butterfly kiss on her lips and cuddling up to her, all I want right now is to lye here with her. The love that I feel for Tori is like no other love that I have ever felt before. Every little sign of affection she shows warms my heart, but it's never enough. I'm always left yearning for more. It is as if she has set my spirit free and it has entwined itself with hers.

Time passes over us quickly without us noticing, and before we know it she has to leave. Its Sunday and she has barely been home this weekend so I can't really argue with that. But deep down my frustration is eating away at me, I just wish we could stay like this; just us. Moreover the fact that it is Sunday just reminds me that tomorrow is Monday, and in turn means that I will have to face Beck again.

"Ughh!" I groan into my hands sitting upright.

"Babe I know you prefer me naked but I really can't go home without clothes on." She replys jokingly poking her tongue out at me.

"Very funny Vega" I smirk in response.

"What's wrong then?" she asks.

"Just thinking about tomorrow, facing Beck and wondering how the others are going to act around us at school" I state flatly, seeing the frown etch in her brow I add; "Can't we just run away? Then it could be just us." I joke, "I just wish I could be with you always Tor, I love you so much." I add on a more serious note.

A smile breaks out on the Latinas face; and partially dressed girl literally jumps at me planting soft kisses all over my face, "You are adorable Jade West. And if I could be with you always I would be. I love you to, so much." Then she's off of me again quick as a flash, dragging on her remaining clothes. She smiles at me once more "If I don't go now I never will."

"So stay?" I offer in response.

She shakes her head at me and laughs slightly, "I will see you tomorrow beautiful." And with that she leaves.

But it doesn't feel like she has really left, there is still a faint taste of her in my mouth, her scent and sweat are layered on my skin. She has invaded my every pore, but it is an incredibly welcome invasion. Thoughts and images of her consume my mind.


	24. To take my mind off of things TORI

Upon arriving home last night my mood had transferred from elated to dismal. My parents had literally torn into me about the lack of time I had spent at home over the weekend; and long story short I am grounded for a week. Jade would not take that well; however I would not trade the brief time we had spent together this evening for anything. 'I just wish I could be with you always' she had said; the feeling was most definitely mutual; I'm not sure if Jade has captured my heart or if I have given it to her, but one thing that I do know is that it now belongs to her and I have no desire to reclaim it. I had vowed to myself there and then that I would find a way around this grounding; the idea of spending a week away from her was impossible to comprehend.

Trina is in an exceptionally blissful mood this morning; not even my unimpressed attitude can cast a shadow over it. Beck and her have arraigned to go on a date tonight; something Trina has been hopeful for as since she first laid eyes on him. But whilst I am happy for her I cannot help but question his motives. The concept that he would both flaunt his body to Jade in an attempt to seduce her, and ask out my sister; in the same day baffles me. Words cannot describe the level of unease and anger that this fuels inside me. The two girls who mean more to me than anyone else; my sister and my girlfriend, have both been hit on by Beck, someone whom I consider to be my friend, mere hours apart. I will not let him hurt them. Whilst it could be said that I am being a terrible friend at this moment in time and that I am betraying his trust; I still believe there is a colossal difference between that and what he is doing. He is manipulating people's feelings in a feeble attempt to mask his own feelings of helplessness and hurt; this in my opinion renders him somewhat inhumane.

The only noticeable difference throughout the first half of the school day was the severe distance; both emotionally and physically, between Beck and Jade. Andre, Cat and I tried to remain on neutral ground by simply ignoring the situation between them as it surrounded us, and Robbie remained blissfully unaware. Lunch hour however was proving to be more difficult. Andre and I had headed for our usual table together; but had paused upon noticing that only Beck and Robbie were sitting at it, and that Jade and Cat were situated on a different table all together. After a brief discussion about where we should sit, both Andre and I join Beck and Robbie. On my way over to the table I catch Jades glance and smile apologetically.

Andre has been the one to point out that whilst my heart may be screaming at me to sit with Jade; to others this would seem odd. As far as my fellow students; Robbie and Beck included, knew Jade still hated me. Beck is one of my friends where as Jade is considered an enemy, it would be illogical for me to sit with her rather than him under such assumptions. I can only hope that she realises this.

"Hey guys" I offer upon arriving at the table, both Beck and Robbie reply in a similar manner.

"Why are we missing half the group today then?" Andre asks pretending to be ignorant of what is going on.

"Jade is a bitch." Beck spits out in an aggressive manner causing me to flinch. "I don't want her anywhere near me."

"Whoa." Andre blurts out cutting him off, "I know you broke up and everything, but when did you two stop talking?"

"When she stopped considering me her friend. When she cut me out completely. When she refused to be honest with me. And when I realised that the only thing worse than wanting somebody, is knowing you can never have them" he states trailing off.

"I'm sure she still wants to be your friend" I begin, trying desperately to keep my voice even, but he cuts me off.

"Oh you're 'sure' are you Tori? I don't mean to be blunt but let's face facts you don't know fucking anything about her! I get that you want to make me feel better, but don't bother. I've already found someone who will be more than willing to take my mind off of things." A sickening feeling sets in my stomach as I realise what he means by this.

"Who? What? I'm lost now." Robbie stammers seeming shell shocked by the entirety of conversation flowing around him.

"I mean that I have decided to date someone new; someone who will do anything to be able to call me theirs." He responds smirking.

"But who?" Robbie repeats looking just as confused as he had a moment ago.

"Trina" Beck laughs "The girl actually thinks I like her."

"Not cool Beck, that's Tori's sister!" Andre exclaims seeming genuinely shocked at the malice Beck is protruding. My body has frozen to the stop and I seem to be unable to react.

"What? You know what they say, any hole is a goal." He smirks, "it's not like anyone actually likes her. This way I have my own stress relieving tool and get to fuck Jade off at the same time its perfect." This causes something inside me to snap.

"A 'stress relieving tool?' She is my sister Beck! What the fuck is wrong with you? And you want Jade to be 'fucked off'? Hurt? Why? I thought you loved her. Why would you want her to feel like that? I get that you are hurting but that doesn't give you the right to create a path of destruction. And if you are intent on behaving this way then I want nothing more to do with you!" I scream flinging my lunch tray across the table and jumping to my feet before tearing away from him.


	25. Some form of mythical being JADE

**Heyy guys :)**

**Thank you for all the amazing reviews thay make me so happy!  
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**Does it make me sound evil if I say I absolutely love the fact that you all hate Beck right now?  
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**Sorry its just his character really annoys me!  
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**Anyways please keep reviewing! To stop now would be like taking candy from a baby! (which just so happens to be something I would possibly do but im sure you are all far nicer than I am!)  
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**Once more : I do NOT own Victorious  
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Seeing Tori charge away from the table after having screamed at Beck caused my body to tense up, noticing this Cat had clamped her hands down on my shoulders.

"You can't." She states sternly through gritted teeth and a forced smile, "Not if you don't want people to think something is going on."

"I have to, did you not see how upset she was!" I exclaim; whilst simultaneously trying to keep my voice down.

"Jade! I forgot I totally need to show you something!" The red haired girl squeals in an abnormally high tone.

"What-" I begin confused, but she grabs my wrist and drags me past the guys table giggling and bounds towards the direction Tori had headed minutes before. Realising that she was playing up to her ditsy reputation in order to enable me to go after Tori; a smile spread across my face, she truly is the best friend that you could ask for.

Once we are inside the school building I yank away from Cat and instinctively charge towards the janitor's closet. Inside I find Tori pacing with silent tears streaming down her cheeks; but she looks angry rather than sad.

"Tor?" I question slightly.

"What!" she screams turning on her heals to face me. I have never seen Tori like this before and to be honest I am more than slightly taken aback.

"Vega, what the fuck? It's me, Jade." I respond in an annoyed tone. Hearing this causes her to stop dead and the anger drains from her face, only to be replaced with a worried look.

"Shit Jade I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-" she begins muttering and I am immediately overcome by forgiveness; damn I just can't stay mad at her. Pulling her into a hug I literally feel her body sigh into mine.

"What happened babe? I saw you scream at Beck then you just disappeared, Cat and I came after you; I don't know where she is now but I'm here. Tell me."

Tori seems to collapse to the floor before beginning the story so I slide down next to her and slip my arms round her waist. She immediately leaps into the story recounting every word that Beck had said about Trina and about me. Once she has finished a comfortable silence washes over us as we cling to each other; both of us knowing the other is trying to think of what to say next. I can't believe he would do that, I never would have imagined that he could be so malicious. How can I possibly have been with the guy for two years and never once have picked up on that? I am the mean one and even I couldn't do that to anybody. 'This way I have my own stress relieving tool and get to fuck Jade off at the same time it's perfect.' These words ring in my head.

"I can't let him do this" I mutter under my breath.

"No!" Tori says raising her voice slightly, "No Jade. It's not you can't let him. You are not responsible for this. No one but Beck is at fault here. The question is how do we stop him?" she asks putting emphasis on 'we'.

"Would Trina listen to you? I know that she is rude and obnoxious and thinks that the world revolves around her, but she is still your sister so does that count for anything?"

"She might-" Tori begins before sighing and shaking her head, "but she has always had a thing for Beck; she seems to have him sitting on a pedestal; like some form of mythical being who can do no wrong. I think maybe she would listen to me but ignore it anyway."

Leaning backwards my head makes contact with the wall as I groan in frustration. How did this happen? How did everything get so damn complicated? Beck had seemed so understanding to begin with, where was this side of him even coming from?

"We have to try Tori. What is even happening with this date when and where is it?"

"Its tonight, Trina is driving me home after school where I am; to quote her: 'help her enhance her natural beauty', then Beck is picking her up at six. But that's all I know; hell she doesn't even seem to know where they are going, but from what he said it doesn't sound like he was planning on taking her out."

"Well what about I come over and help you talk to her? I know she doesn't like me so maybe if your explanation doesn't work I can scare her out of going? I know it's a long shot Tor but it's better than nothing right?"

A loud sigh exits her body as a look of helplessness crosses her face, "I'm grounded Jade there is no way my parents are going to allow me to have friends over."

"What if I happened to be your partner in a school project?" I question winking at her.

"But we don't have a school project-" she begins sounding baffled; you can practically see the cogs turning in her mind; and then It clicks and a cheeky grin emerges where there had before been a pout. "Jade West you absolute genius!" she squeals pulling me into an embrace and crashing our lips together.

"I'm not sure about that idea being genius Vega; but I will agree with you that I in general am rather amazing." I smirk in response. She looks ready to retort but is cut short when Cat bursts through the door and crashes on top of us.

"Cat get off!" I growl causing her to flinch.

"Sorry!" she cries "but why are you two on the floor?"

"Cat that is not getting off, that is staying on top of me and asking questions!"

"What's up kitty?" Tori questions; noticing the worried look on her face as cat clambers off of us.

"I was waiting outside like a guard" she giggles to herself at this statement, "but then I heard voices, Beck and Andre are coming this way so I thought I should hide with you seeing as they think I am with Jade." she explains.

That's when we to notice their voices; it's clear that they are arguing.

"Beck you can't do this! Tori is your friend! Annoying as Trina is; she is still Tori's sister, you can't treat her like that!" Andre's voice echoes sounding frustrated.

"Why don't you just mind your own fucking business Andre" Beck retorts, his voice filled with anger. "What I'm doing may have upset her; but at least she knows I'm doing it. Let's face it I'm not the one keeping a secret from her am I! So get off of your high horse and smell the roses because as it stands you are no better than I am."


	26. A vision of beauty in black TORI

**Heyy guys, :)**

**Sorry that I took longer than usual with this chapter; but I have an ear infection atm, and I have been feeling rather sorry for myself! :(  
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**But it's here now and I will try to be quicker with the next one! :)  
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**Reviews make me happy!  
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The rest of the day seemed to drag on; I thought it would never end. Far too many thoughts merged together in my mind. I have to protect Trina. I want to hurt Beck, but I am already hurting Beck he just doesn't know it yet. What could Andre possibly be hiding from me? How could Beck say that Andre is 'no better than' he is? Does that mean whatever it is Andre is hiding would hurt me? He wouldn't do that would he? My head is pounding as I try to come up with a logical explanation. But I can't.

The car ride home had been exceptionally painful. Trina was absolutely ecstatic about her date with Beck. I had tried to butt in twice but she had just increased her volume and glared at me.

Now I am sitting in her room watching her try on multiple outfits, she both wants my advice; and thinks that she knows best.

"So Trin, errm where are you going on this date?" I ask.

"I don't know Tori, a meal then back to his to watch a film or something I think." She replies sounding annoyed. "But that's not important. The only thing that matters is that Beck asked me out! I always knew that he had a thing for me; I guess he was just too scared that I would turn him down to admit it. He's the hottest guy at school and I am the prettiest girl, it's just perfect!"

"Trina you know I love you and that I only want good things for you right?"

"Ughh Tori what is your problem I'm kind of busy here!" she retorts sounding frustrated; whilst applying a third coat of mascara.

"Trina I don't trust him! He hasn't been himself since Jade broke up with him, he's bitter and he still loves her. I don't think you should go out with him!" I burst.

"Wow." Trina mutters, "are you jealous of me or something Tor? Maybe you should go out and get someone for yourself instead of trying to ruin what is happening for me!" anger is thick on her voice.

"Trina! How can you think that! I love you and I just don't want you to get hurt!"

"I'm a big girl Tori and I can look after myself, now move I need to go wait downstairs, he will be here soon."

She literally skips out of the room. God this is bad, I just hope that Jade gets here before Beck. I genuinely believe that she is the only person that Trina is scared of, and if she can't stop this then no one can. Dragging myself of Trina's bed I follow her downstairs; thinking to myself that there is nothing more I can do. Why did I allow myself; even for a moment, to believe that she would listen to me? She always has to be right, and if she wants something enough then she will ignore all rational thoughts and convince herself that everything is perfect. Normally I would be content with letting her get on with this; but never before have I been this worried for her. When I finally reach the living room I drop down onto the opposite sofa to Trina and sigh, she shoots me a death glare and then returns to painting her toe nails.

My thoughts turn to Beck, why is he doing this? Have I done this to him? I know that it is more likely to be because of Jade, but a voice keeps echoing in my mind that this may never have happened if I hadn't joined the school. A small voice whispers into the back of my mind that maybe I should leave. But I know that I couldn't do this, not now. Not when I have found something that I love and I am actually good at. Not when I have made friends with such incredible people. And most certainly not when I have fallen in love with the most amazing girl that I have ever met, and managed to have her love me back.

The sound of the doorbell drags me out of my daydream and causes Trina to squeal, "please let it be Jade" I mutter to myself as Trina simultaneously shrieks "he's here!" and runs to the door, pausing briefly to compose herself and opens it. A vision of beauty in black pushes through as soon as it is open, and a wave of relief folds through me.

"What are you doing here?" Trina questions her sounding baffled.

"I'm here for you." Jade shoots back, causing a worried expression to wash over my sisters face.

"For me? Well tough cookies I'm going out in a minute." She replies in an even tone, but I can tell she is panicking.

"Yer, about that. I don't think you should." Jade retorts plonking herself down in the seat Trina had previously been in. "I don't want you to go out with Beck, and if you do; bad things will happen." She smiles slyly at my sister causing her to flinch. Much as I do not like seeing Trina this uncomfortable I have to remind myself that we are doing this to protect her.

"Is that a threat Jade? Because I-I'm not scared of you. And even if I was my dad is a cop."

By this point Jade has drawn out a pair of scissors and is hacking away at my mother's vase full of daisies.

"Now Trina, I didn't say that I would make bad things happen did I? They just will happen, so you may want to reconsider." The tone to her voice is unnerving even to me, and by the look on Trina's face I would say she is terrified, she looks like a deer caught in headlights, and like she wants to run and hide. But at that moment the doorbell sounds again, the flings the door open,

"Hey Beck!" she exclaims in a sing song voice.

"Hey" he directs at her; then looking up and seeing Jade adds "What is she doing here?"

"I don't know Beck I thought maybe I should come and talk to your new little girlfriend."

"She doesn't want me to date you." Trina states, her confidence seems to return now that she is by Beck's side.

"Trina why don't you go and wait in my car and I'll be there in two minutes." He says smiling down at her, once she has left he turns to Jade with a smug look on his face. "Well Jade, I would say 'one of the perks of us not being together', I can date whoever I want. And right now I am going to take out this beautiful girl whether you like it or not. You've got some mystery girlfriend; whom I can only assume is staying a mystery because you ashamed of her. And now I have Trina; who I am going to flaunt to the world. Annoying as she is I'm sure she will be good for some things." He winks alongside this statement making my skin crawl.

"Beck she's a person! She is my sister and I love her, why are you doing this?" I plead finally finding my voice.

"Ahh Tori I was wondering when you were going to say something. Look I know she's your sister but right now she is also the only weapon I have to use against Jade. Plus I will get something out of it." He replies smirking.

"If you hurt her I will kill you Beck" I snap, he merely laughs at this.

"I've got to go guys, but this has been just wonderful." He jesters to the three of us as he says this, "But for now I have places to be, and people to do." With that he turns on his heal and walks out of the door slamming it behind him, mere seconds after the door closes Jade's scissors are stuck in it.

"Bastard." She mutters under her breath, then noticing how upset I look she drags me into a hug, "it'll be fine Tori, we can still fix this; I promise." She whispers into my ear, kissing my face in an attempt to stem my tears. But it's no use I have failed my sister.


	27. Scheming and sleeping JADE

Right now I hate Beck. I fucking hate him so much. He is acting like a child; if he cant get what he wants then he will make things difficult for everyone around him. Tori seems pretty mush inconsolable at the moment. She is blaming herself, I can see that; but none of this is her fault, a certain level of blame could possibly be placed upon me, but I refuse to feel guilty for loving her. Beck will not get away with this, and if he hurts Tori anymore I will make things very uncomfortable for him.

How dare he refer to Trina as someone 'to do'! Now don't get me wrong; I cannot stand Trina; she is obnoxious, selfish, untalented and just downright annoying. But as Tori said she is 'a person' a living breathing girl with feelings; not simply a toy to play games with as Beck seems to think. When I left him the last thing that I wanted to do was hurt him, but right now I could quite happily do so, the reason I had refused to talk to him about Tori was because I had thought that it would hurt him too much, what with Tori being his friend; right now however that idea is incredibly appealing.

"Tor, babe; I-I think we should tell Beck about us." I stumble over my words and do not realise that I have voiced them out loud until Tori is staring at me.

"Jade, god you have no idea how happy that makes me. But the timing is awful, if Beck is willing to treat Trina this way is a bid to upset you, how on earth is he going to act if he finds out that I am the other half of this puzzle that is tearing him apart. I can't; I just can't risk having him hurt her anymore."

"You're right" I sigh in response, "But we will figure this out."

Our convocation is cut short as the front door opens.

"Tori! Trina! Can you help me please?" the voice of Mrs Vega bellows from the doorway as she pushes through carrying several shopping bags.

Quick as a flash Tori is up off of the sofa and rushing to the car to grab some more, I follow her not wanting to be left in the living room with her mother.

"Thank you girls!" Mrs Vega says smiling at us as we place the bags on the kitchen counter and begin unpacking them. "Hang on, you're not Trina" She exclaims after taking a proper look at me. No shit Sherlock I think to myself, the day anyone can actually confuse me and Trina Vega will gladly be the day I shoot myself! "Tori, you are grounded. That means no friends over, you know that." She scolds lightly causing Tori to blush and dart a worried glance at me.

"Sorry Mrs Vega, it's just we have a project together in our acting class," I lie "we have left it a little late and may have to stay up quite late tonight in order to get it finished." I flash my sweetest smile.

"Ahh well that changes things then" she replies beaming, "Tori seems to be neglecting many things that she shouldn't be recently. Seeing as you may have to work till quite late would you like to stay the night-" she comes to a halt realising that she doesn't know my name.

"I'm Jade" I cut in quickly.

"Of course you are, such a pretty name, and perfect for someone with eyes like yours! Now Jade you are more than welcome to stay the night. Tori you can set up the camp bed in your room for yourself and Jade; Tori's bed is all yours tonight. I will finish unpacking the shopping you two best get on with your work."

I cannot believe that worked out so well, I get to spend yet another night with the gorgeous Tori Vega. Plus we will hopefully have enough time to figure out what to do about Beck. Tori and I head towards the stairs, but her mother calls out to her again.

"Tori! Where is your sister?" she shouts after us. These words alone cause Tori to flinch noticeably. "What's wrong Tori? What has she done now?" her mother questions.

"She's on a date." Tori states "a date with Jade's ex."

"Oh" is all that escapes her mother's lips before she scurries off again.

"Well Vega I think we can safely assume that now you mother will not guess about our relationship." I say smiling at her. "I cannot wait to test out your bed," I purr into her ear.

"Nope, not tonight Jade" she responds causing me to pout slightly. "Sorry babe just scheming and sleeping tonight. Oh and cuddles, lots of cuddles." She smiles to me, and I'm fine with that, as long as I am close to her.

After an hour of us being very unsuccessful in figuring out what we can do about beck, Tor's mum calls us down for dinner; homemade lasagne, this makes a hell of a difference to the ready meals my father stocks our freezer with. He is never home to cook, and my mother having left when I was ten; never taught me to cook. Needless to say home cooked food was never seen in the West household. I had demolished my dinner and thanked Mrs Vega for what must have been at least three times, causing Tori to smile and giggle and only just manage to disguise it with a cough. Once everyone had finished Mrs Vega set down a plate of lemon meringue pie in front of me, oh my god I get pudding too! I am definitely going to have to stay here more often.

After finishing our food we returned to Tori's room. The evenings events combined with the large portion I had just finished has left me exhausted, and judging by the looks of Tori I would say she feels the same. Any idea of continuing to plot a plan of revenge disappears as we both collapse onto her bed. I wrap my arms tightly around her, and our bodies mould together. Words do not need to be spoken and no further action needs to be taken, the security and love that Tori and I share is filling the room with every exhale, and fuelling though our bodies with each inhale. It isn't long before we drift into peaceful slumber and a vivid memory like dream invades my mind.

_It is the night of the big showcase, and having not been selected to perform in it I had not intended to be a part of the audience. However Beck had been adamant that we had to go and support Andre. Normally I would have thought this a reasonable suggestion, but this year he had been partnered with the incredibly untalented Trina Vega, listening to her attempt to sing made my ears bleed._

_None the less Beck had won this argument and there I was sitting in the audience, wishing I was anywhere else. Andre's turn was announced and I prepared myself for the worst. But Trina Vega was not present on the stage. Instead; where she should be stood another girl. I was yet to notice this as I had kept my eyes closed, I prefer to hear music without visual distractions, but Beck had nudged me causing me to all unwillingly I open my eyes - then I opened them wider, and lifted my head. The boredom and annoyance I had felt before, were quite forgotten. Piercing the shadows of the naked stage was a single shaft of rosy limelight, and in the centre of this there was a girl: the most beautiful girl - I knew it at once! - that I had ever seen._


	28. Standing on opposite sides TORI

**Heyy guys :)**

**I was slightly disheartened because I only got one review on the last chapter! :(  
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**so I'm not going to upload again after this unless people let me know that they want me to! :)  
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**Enjoy!  
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When I awoke the next morning the scent of Jade fuelled into my nostrils; but she was gone and I note had been left in her place.

_Tori,_

_I thought it would look strange if we turned up at school together, and I needed to get clothes. I'll see you at school beautiful._

_I love you _

_J xx_

My heart sank slightly, 'it would look strange' for us to go to school together. Who cares? Why is that even an issue? Beck's words from the previous night echoed through my mind 'you've got some mystery girlfriend; whom I can only assume is staying a mystery because you ashamed of her', could she actually be ashamed to be with me? This thought causes my pain and confusion to intensify, and I wonder how it is possible to hurt so much when nothing is wrong. Even if she isn't it is clear that we are still standing on opposite sides of her door, I am screaming for simplicity and openness, and she is still trying to hide her true self.

As the events of the previous nights repeat themselves in my mind the realisation that I need to check on Trina hits me. Dragging myself out of bed I trudge along the corridor towards her room, but before I can enter I am intercepted my father who appears both worried and furious.

"Tori your mother tells me that your sister was on a date with a boy that you know last night; is this true?"

"Err yer she was on a date with Beck. Why?"

"She hasn't come home and is not answering her phone. She knows she has a midnight curfew!"

"I'll call them both and tell her that you are not happy." I sigh, for god sake Trina please don't tell me you are that stupid I think to myself.

Deciding that I need to prepare myself as to what I should say should she actually answer her phone, I jump in the shower. Sometime later I step out, my bathroom is like a sauna, walking into my room I notice the time, shit I have to be at school in forty minutes, my hair is wet, I need to get dressed, I still haven't contacted Trina and seeing as she isn't here I have no way of actually getting to school. I quickly compose a text to Andre asking him for a lift, and seconds later I receive his reply; telling me that he will be here in twenty minutes.

Towel drying my hair I begin to search through my wardrobe; finally settling on dome grey skinny jeans and a royal blue vest top. After applying a thin layer of makeup I flop back onto my bed and dial Trina's number. The call doesn't even dial; instead I am immediately redirected to her answer phone machine. A groan escapes my body, Beck is the last person I want to talk to, but if I want to establish where Trina is, that seems my only choice. Beck answers his phone after the third ring,

"Well hey there Tori, what can I do for you?" his tone is already irritatingly arrogant.

"Is Trina with you?" I ask through gritted teeth.

"Why yes she is. She is currently scaling the floor of my RV in search of her bra. Now I have to go but I am sure we will see you at school." With that he hangs up leaving me seething with anger. Despite having listened to him running his mouth the previous day; a part of me had still been hoping he was not actually capable of that extent of cruelty. How could he use her like that? And how can she be so blind to have not noticed, I know she is ditzy; but she isn't stupid.

I make my way downstairs to find my father angrily pacing back and forth, and my mother sitting at the kitchen table clutching a mug of coffee to her chest, her eyes are red and swollen.

"She is fine." I announce in an even tone; I know that my father will near on explode when he finds out where she is. "She spent the night at Beck's."

"She did what!" my father bellows.

"But wasn't it a first date?" my mother splutters overlapping him.

"Yes," I sigh "But she has liked him a long time." Much as I disapprove of her actions I feel the need to pacify my parents, and attempt to justify what she has done.

"I don't care how long she has liked him!" My father screams "what is his name? And where does he live?"

"It's Beck Oliver" I announce hesitating slightly, luckily my phone goes off announcing that Andre is outside, "Got to run" I screech running for the door; I don't think I could have faced much more of that convocation. I hear my dad's voice echoing after me that he hasn't finished yet, but I am not turning back for love or money.

The car ride to school was oddly tense to begin with; Andre seemed slightly on edge. Five minutes into the silence I couldn't take it anymore, and I began to spill out everything that had happened with Beck and Trina. Andre had merely shaken his head and muttered that beck was out of line and allowed me to continue to vent.

Upon arriving at school my eyes immediately scanned the car park for Beck's car, which I soon located pulling into a spot in the far left corner. After thanking Andre I stalked towards the vehicle.

"Trina!" I bellow seeing her exit the car, god she looks a mess, her hair can only be compared to a birds nest and her makeup is smeared and sloppy. Hearing me I see her sigh visibly and go to peck Beck on the cheek; it seems however that he has other ideas as he pulls her in to a full frontal kiss verging on making out. "Ughh gross" I groan continuing to walk towards them. Eventually she breaks away from him and walks to meet me.

"What do you think you are doing? Mum and dad are going to kill you! And since when do you sleep with a guy on the first date!" I exclaim my frustration is clear in my voice.

"Last time I checked little sister; I was allowed to kiss my boyfriend, and it was none of your business who I slept with!" she retorts, "mum and dad will be fine, it's not like they have ever really reinforced any real level of authority over me."

"Trina I'm serious! Why would you sleep with him after going out with him only once?"

"Tori, stop playing little miss innocent. Do I really need to remind you why it was that you were not allowed in Dani's house for six months? Why you were literally dragged home by her father? You have absolutely no right to act like you are some sweet little angel!" she bellows causing several people to turn and stare at me wide eyed and open mouthed; Jade, Cat and Andre included.

My cheeks flushed a ridiculously bright shade of scarlet as the memory washed over me;

_Dani and I had been together about three months, and had been sleeping together for about a month. On a Friday evening when her parents had not been due to return home things had once again become heated, but we wanted to mix it up a bit. I had pushed her onto the kitchen side and taken her there and then. Unfortunately for us her parents had cancelled their plans and come home early. Needless to say that her father was incredibly unimpressed at the position in which he had found us and had only just about allowed me to get dressed before marching me home where he had proceeded to explain the predicament to my parents. I have never been so embarrassed in my life._

"Trina! How dare you shout that for the world to hear! That was a completely different situation!" I growl through gritted teeth. Then remembering that Jade had heard everything Trina had said I muttered "shit, Jade" quietly under my breath, but not quietly enough.

"Jade?" Trina questioned. Horror flooded through me as I watched her face as she connected the dots. She couldn't know, not while she was dating Beck, what have I done?

"Oh god Tori, not her; you cannot be serious. That's where you have been every night. You are the mystery girl that Jade left Beck for, aren't you?"


	29. Friendship is unnecessary JADE

**Heyy guys :)**

**I see how it works now, in order to get reviews i have to worry you all a little bit haha :)  
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**I just want to poin out that in the last chapter the only part that I intended for everyone to overhear was Trina's out burst about Tori and Dani.**

**And for the record xanthippe means ill-tempered woman!**

**Any how enjoy and review! :D  
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So within five minutes of arriving at school I get to see Beck and Trina make out and also get to hear a wonderful story about Tori and Dani's sex life, I can already tell that it is going to be a thrilling day. Grabbing Cat I stalk away from the car park and in turn away from Tori and Trina; Andre stays behind saying he will wait for Tori. Arriving at my locker I finally release Cat who immediately scurries off towards Robbie, I guess their date went well I think smiling to myself. Looking up I see Beck standing at his locker glaring at me; and in turn I wonder what happened with him and Trina, a shudder runs through me as I immediately regret thinking about it, I'm sure Tori will tell me later anyway.

Lessons seemed to drag past with every minute feeling like an hour; I am so not in the mood for school today. My mind filtered out the droning voices of my teachers, drifting off instead to daydreams some involving me torturing Beck and others in which I am doing appealing things to a certain Latina. Tori had sent me a text earlier telling me that Trina had spent last night with Beck; which had causes my stomach to churn and had left me feeling rather ill. How could Beck do that? And how could Trina be so completely stupid. Man this is the reason that I really do hate people in general sometimes.

Lunch hour finally arrived, I feel like I have aged a decade this morning and I still have another half a day to go. As I walk in to the Cafe I make my way over to our usual table and sit myself between Cat and Andre, Robbie is on the other side of Cat, and Tori next to Andre. Seeing my friends together reminds me why I do not hate absolutely everyone; these guys have flaws just like everyone else, but I can see past them. As we chat and joke things seem relatively normal; but as per usual something always comes along and ruins the finer moments in life. Our table falls silent when Beck approaches, his arm slung loosely around Trina's shoulder and hers clinging round his waist. They then proceed to join our table and Beck pulls her into a sloppy kiss.

"Oh fantastic, dinner and a show!" I exclaim sarcastically.

"I just lost my appetite actually." Tori states before getting up and leaving the table, we all exchange glances questioning who should go after her, I know that I should but she had said that right now she didn't want Beck to know and because of this I didn't want to raise ant suspicions.

"Come on Jade, let's go see if Tori is alright" Cat squeals dragging me from my seat, she had attempted to use her usual bubbly tone but I can hear the distaste in her voice. None the less I am thankful for her quick thinking this way I get to both check up on Tori and avoid the severe public display of affection which is taking place in front of me.

As both Cat and I had expected to; we soon found Tori in the janitor's closet. All of us seemed to be at a loss for words, so we all just sat together in silence for the remainder of lunch. The silence was however comfortable. Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy and art; but I like to believe that despite it having no survival value; it is one of those things that give value to survival.

When the bell sounded we all made our way towards Sikowitz' class room, I think that we were all glad to be sharing the class. Instead of taking our usual seats we sat together on the far right hand side of the room. The crazy teacher was as usual a good ten minutes late when he entered the room with a coconut clutched in his hand.

"Jade, Andre, Tori, Cat, Beck! On stage now!" he bellowed flopping down onto the chair Andre had previously been sat in. "Alphabetical improve! Robbie a letter please!"

"A!" Yelled the voice of the boys puppet which was followed by Robbie scolding him in a hushed mutter.

"Jade start us off!" Sikowitz called out, and with that we began.

**Jade**- "Are you proud of how much of a dick you are being?" I shot directly at Beck.

**Beck**-"But Jade I think you are forgetting that this is entirely your fault." He snapped back

**Cat**- "Can't we all just get along?"

**Andre**- "Dude! She can't help what she is!" Andre said to Beck gesturing to me.

**Tori**-"Enough Beck! You cannot blame what you are doing to my sister on anyone else!"she barked in Becks direction.

**Jade**-"Finally people are talking sense!"

**Beck**- "Get this into your head Jade, you could stop me if you really wanted to, I know that really you still want me."

**Cat**-"How about we all talk about something else?"

**Andre**- "I'm not sure this convocation is going to end well."

**Tori**-"Jade is not the one screwing around with my sister Beck!"

**Jade**-"Kind of deluded aren't we."

**Beck**-"Like you could actually do better than me anyway."

**Cat**- "Guys! Please stop this!" Cat pleads realising that we are not acting and that the argument unfolding is all too real.

**Sikowitz**- "Cat you are out!"

**Cat**- "Phooey!" she exhales returning to her seat.

**Andre**- "Maybe you guys should talk somewhere privately?"

**Tori**-"Not likely Beck seems to be loving the attention."

**Jade**-"One more word Oliver and my scissors will meet your face!" I state in my most menacing tone.

**Beck**-"Piss off Tori, no one asked for your input." Beck snaps reeling" round to face Tori.

**Andre**-"Quite a predicament we are in."

**Tori**-"Right I'm done with this, Andre let's not interfere anymore; I know you have something to tell me anyway." Tori grumbles turning her attention fully to Andre.

**Jade**-"Seriously Beck can't you just grow up?"

**Beck**-"Tell me who you left me for and I will consider it."

**Andre**- "understandable I guess," he stumbles over this in relation to what Beck has just said the returns his gaze to Tori as he says and "err yes I do." In the same breath.

**Tori**-"verified, now start talking."

And from that moment the stage is split into two very different convocations; one between Tori and Andre and the other between Beck and myself.

**Jade**-"Why should I?"

**Beck**- "Xanthippe! Just tell me!"

**Andre**- "You won't like it."

**Tori**-"Zebra's are the only things I don't like."

**Jade**-"Are you ever going to drop this?"

**Beck-"**Basically I will when I get what I want."

**Andre**-"Can you promise to try and understand?"

**Tori**- "Don't you know me by now?"

**Jade**-"Exactly what is your problem?"

**Beck**-"Forgetful are we? You are my problem Jade."

**Andre- "**Girl, you know you are my best friend right?"

**Tori**- "However if you don't tell me I might re-think that."

**Jade**-"I cannot believe you can be this cruel, petty and immature!"

**Beck**-"Jade it's not my fault that you decided to become a fucking Dyke!" he bellows, frustration and disgust are thick in his voice. This stamen causes Tori to noticeably flinch and recoil.

**Jade**-"What the fuck did you just say to me?" I growl back at him, forgetting the acting challenge completely, if shock hadn't taken hold of my body I think I would have ended him there and then.

**Sikowitz**- "Jade you're out, your letter was K!"

**Jade**- "I know!"I scream at the teacher before throwing myself at the chair next to Cat, anger fuelling through me as I am forced to remain in the audience for the rest of the scene.

**Andre**- "Kinda broke the bro code." He mutters under his breath

**Tori**-"Like how?" she questions a confused scowl crossing her brow.

**Beck**-"Man I thought you were never going to admit to this!" beck exclaims looking genuinely excited at the prospect.

**Andre**- "No that wouldn't be right." He retorts shooting Beck a glare.

**Tori**-"Obviously you are going to expand on that?" confusion is now thick on her voice.

**Beck**-"Please do Andre, then I won't be the only bad guy." He adds with a smug smile.

**Andre**-"Quite soon I will."

**Tori**-"Ready when you are."

**Beck**-"Same here, I cannot wait to see how this goes!"

**Andre**-"Tori I never meant for this to happen!" he seems worried now.

**Tori**-"Understanding that you are anxious, but just tell me!"

**Beck**-"Very quickly, it'll be entertaining."

**Andre**-"Wish I didn't have to do this alphabet thing right now!"

**Tori**-"Xylophones are stuck in my mind."

**Beck**- "Yes it does make convocation more difficult!"

**Andre**- "Zero is how far this has progressed."

**Tori**-"Alright just spill it already!"

**Beck**-"Brilliant this is actually going to happen." He states rubbing his hands together enthusiastically.

**Andre**-"Can't make this any easier."

**Tori**-"Dude! Seriously tell me now."

**Beck**-"Enough with putting it off."

**Andre**-"Fine, here goes nothing."

**Tori**-"Get on with it then!"

**Beck**-"How about now?"

**Andre**-" I-I'm dating Dani." He stutters looking completely panicked now.

**Tori**-"What?" she screams, an unreadable look consuming her face, the quick as a flash she darts out of the room. Andre seems glued to the spot for a moment, before leaping off the stage the stage and following her

The entire room falls into silence which is broken by Beck completing the 'scene'.

**Beck-**Just me left now then.


	30. Everything is fine and dandy TORI

Emotions flooded through me as I dashed out of the classroom; there is no way I could actually explain how I am feeling, hell I don't even understand it myself. When did things within our friendship group become so complex? I am dating my ex-friend's ex-girlfriend, my ex-friend is dating my sister; and now my best friend is dating my ex-girlfriend. When did Robbie and Cat become the least dysfunctional members of our group?

As I had expected Andre had followed me; somehow this calms me slightly. As odd as this is to me I know I won't be able to stay angry at either him or Dani. Other than Jade they are the closest people to me in the world. And while the idea of them doing anything together makes my stomach churn slightly; I also appreciate that what I am doing with Jade is no different, I will not be a hypocrite. Where Beck is being petty and spiteful I am going to try my hardest to be accepting.

"Tori, please hear me out!" Andre pants as I stop and turn to face him. "I would never do anything to hurt you with intent. I am not even sure how this happened! I know that it is a strange situation but I really do like her, and I hope that you can understand. But if you don't then I will happily stand down. You mean too much to me to lose!"

A smile crosses my face as the mixture of emotions flow from my body, the fact that he would consider giving up his own; and presumably Dani's happiness, in order to spare me from being uncomfortable fills me with warmth. I draw the panic stricken boy into a hug; one which he seems both shocked and relieved to receive.

"You're not mad?" he questions in a confused tone.

"Andre, I love you. And I love Dani. In very different yet strangely similar ways. I'm not going to lie and say that this is a perfect situation in my eyes." He flinches as these words escape my lips and looks ready to start talking again, but I place a finger gently on his lips to signal that I have not yet finished. "You both mean a hell of a lot to me, and if you make each other happy I am willing to accept this with open arms."

"Oh wow, thank you Tori, thank you so much." He lets out with an exhale, the worry draining out of his face.

"I'm sorry I freaked out so much actually" I giggle as I realise this doesn't actually bother me as much as I had previously thought. "I guess I just have a lot in my mind at the moment. I'm sure Jade and Beck's argument didn't help things. I can't believe he called her a dyke." I trail off.

"He was way out of line Tori, and I will personally make sure that he knows that." He states solemnly; I know this situation isn't easy for him, considering that Beck is his other closest friend.

"I need to tell him. About Jade and I" I mutter softly gaining a nod from Andre in response, "but I don't want him to hurt Trina" my voice cracks slightly as I say this.

"I know that it all looks useless and unworkable now Tori, but it will get better. If anyone can win people round it is you Muchacha! You made Jade love you didn't you?" he fires at me causing a smile too briefly cross my lips. I pull him into another hug muttering thank you into his ear repeatedly. This is the position our friends find us in when they exit the classroom after the lesson ends.

"What the fuck!" Beck's voice is the first to break the silence. "So when I date your sister its wrong but when he dates your ex everything is fine and dandy!"

"The circumstances are completely different!" I retort anger once again filling my body, "While you are acting out of spite Andre is acting out of love!"

"Sure whatever Tori, I will make sure to let your sister know about your double standards later." He grunts before pushing roughly past me. The shock of the impact catches me off guard and I tumble to the floor with a thud. At once Andre, Cat and Jade's voices all overlap,

"What the fuck Beck!"

"Oh my god Tori!"

"Oh hell no!"

As Robbie and Cat run to my side in an attempt to help me; Jade and Andre round on Beck. Turning to face them he still has a cocky smirk plastered to it. Jade takes a step forward ready to attack, but Andre is one step ahead. The sound Beck's jaw cracking pierces through the air as Andre's fist makes contact with it, causing him to stumble backwards. Without a second glance he dashes out of the school door.

In an instant both Jade and Andre are beside Cat and Robbie, forming a circle around me; each of their voices overlapping as they ask if I am ok. Despite the pain I can still feel I begin to laugh hysterically causing them all to exchange worried glances before joining me, their laughs however sound more nervous. As quick as my laughing began it subsides and is replaced by loud, violent tears, this causes Jade to panic before literally picking me up. The next thing I know we are all squashed into Andre's car pulling up in my driveway.

Luckily for me; considering my current grounding, both of my parents are out at work. Having failed to calm down on the way home, Jade carries me straight to my room and undresses me before pulling pyjamas over my body placing me in bed and kissing me softly on the forehead. Throughout all of this I seemed unable to function, my mind is so drained, and my body appears to be unable to function properly.

"I will send the others home babe, but I am staying here, don't worry anymore just rest." She whispers to me before kissing me once again and leaving the room.

It cannot be any later than 3PM when my mind and body give way to sleep.


	31. So weak and vulnerable JADE

Seeing Tori look so weak and vulnerable had caused me levels of pain I had never before experienced; but it had also made me determined to be stronger. I know that everyone sees me as the 'strong' one already, but I vowed to myself that from here on I am going to be her rock and I will never let anyone bring her down. When I get my hands on Beck he is going to wish Andre's punch had left him in a coma. If given the chance I would cut off his 'oh so precious' hair but I can also think of many other places upon his body that I would love for my scissors to meet.

Staring blankly into space I pour myself another cup of coffee, I must have had at least four since I left Tori to sleep. Glancing at the clock I notice that it is fast approaching six o'clock and can't help but wonder where the fuck her parents are. I would question Trina's absence but I am assuming she is with Beck. This concept causes me to once again become slightly overwhelmed by anger; my fist makes contact with the kitchen table as a furious grunt escapes my lips. I would like to believe that if she knew how he had acted towards Tori earlier then she wouldn't be with him. Exhaling deeply I attempt to clam myself before pushing backwards off of the chair and heading upstairs to check on Tori.

Perching on the edge of her bed I smile down at her, asleep she looks angelic; flawless. I lean across to stroke a strand of chestnut hair off of her face, caressing her perfect cheekbones as I do so.

"What on earth did I ever do to deserve someone as breathtakingly beautiful as you Vega?" I mutter whilst staring adoringly down at her.

She reacts slightly to the sound of my voice; rolling slightly, moving her face further towards my hand which had previously been lying delicately upon her jaw. I lean down and place a soft whisper of a kiss upon her lips before pulling backwards. But little do I know I have woken her and as I pull away she pushes back into me; causing us to share a kiss which is far more passionate than I had anticipated. Eventually we pull away breathless, I notice a small blob of my saliva stuck to her lip; but she darts her tongue out and licks it away.

"Do you feel any better babe?" I enquire once I have regained my breath.

But as she opens her mouth to respond a loud crash from downstairs interrupts us. Silence falls upon us and we exchange questioning looks as further noises of disruption continue sound. Who on earth would need to make that much noise?

"Who else is here Jade?" Tori questions.

"N-no one" I respond, before adding "unless they just got here."

Loud thumping can be heard as whoever is causing the noise begins to climb the stairs. Tori gulps nervously; it's clear that she is still pretty shaken up from the earlier events. I climb to my feet and step towards the door, as she remains sat bolt upright in her bed. I take a further step towards her bedroom door my hand outreached ready to open it and confront whoever I find. But before I reach it, the door swings open.

"Tori! Why are you in bed?" the irritating and shrill voice of Trina Vega echo's slicing through the tense silence which had previously filled the room. Her eyes then fall upon me, "Oh god I haven't walked in on you two- err well you know what I mean, have I?" she groans causing Tori's cheeks to flush scarlet.

"No you haven't. And since when do you know about us?" I ask, my voice cold.

"Good, and I figured it out this morning." She states walking past me. Despite her usual loud manner I could swear that her eyes were hiding a sadness which I had become accustomed to associating with Tori.

"What do you want Trina?" Tori groans, causing a smile to crease upon my lips; I really do enjoy it when people take this tone with Trina.

"I-I'm really sorry Tori. I didn't mean to, it just slipped, I am so, so sorry!" Trina bursts in a rush, causing both Tori and myself to screw our faces in confusion as we attempt to process the blur of words.

"Why are you sorry?" Tori asks evenly.

"Yer, what 'just slipped?'" I voice in a slightly more aggressive tone.

"Well I was with Beck earlier and we were fooling around and talking when he asked me what happened with us in the car park earlier. I told him about our parents, and that you had given me a lecture so I had reminded you of your own experiences." She pauses her voice is shaking and she locks eyes with Tori, if I didn't know better I would say she was on the verge of tears. "And then it just tumbled out, I wasn't even thinking! You know how I am Tori; sure I am an amazingly talented performer but I'm not overly clever! My mouth tends to say things without my brains permission! But you have to believe me Tor, I would never do anything to hurt you!"

Confusion is still etched deeply in Tori's brow as she attempts to figure out what her emotional sister is rambling on about. An unsettling feeling wells up in my stomach as I begin to realise what Trina means, but Tori clearly isn't there yet.

"Trina I have no idea what you are on about!" Tori growls, frustration thick on her voice now.

"I told Beck about you and Jade!" the girl bursts before dropping her hair and staring at the floor.

I feel like I have been slapped, sure I had though she was going to say that but hearing her voice it causes the realisation that he knows about us to wash over me. Tori's face has drained of colour and she genuinely looks as if she may be sick. This isn't how either of us wanted it to happen. I know for a fact that Tori wanted to be the one to tell Beck, she wanted to have a chance to explain things to him. What were the chances of that now?


	32. Beyond the physical pain TORI

The words bounce around in my head, and my body goes into a state of shock; Beck knows about Jade and I. He knows we are together and neither of us told him. Sure I haven't liked him for a while now; but deep down within his shell of hate is a sensitive caring guy. A guy I used to consider one of my closet friends, who used to feel the same way about me. I think I can pretty much guarantee that is no longer the case.

"Tori please don't hate me!" Trina's voice pleads, but I seem to have forgotten how to speak; how to even respond.

"Tori look at me" Jades voice says slowly, "it's going to be ok." As her voice penetrates the shock I am feeling and somehow gives me a small sense of calm.

"How can it possibly be ok?" I squeak finally regaining my voice. "What did he say Trina?"

The look on my sister's face before she hangs her head tells me that he did not react well.

"H-he wasn't happy Tor; he went a bit crazy actually. He kept muttering about love and betrayal. I asked him what he meant by 'love' seeing as we were supposed to be together. And then he started saying other things." She pauses and takes a deep breath, raising her head so she is once again at eye level with me."Things about you Tori, things that I do not even want to repeat. And then I snapped, he said one thing to many and I flipped out. I-I think he is going to have a black eye." A noticeably large smirk erupts on Jade's face as Trina says this. "Then I left, but on my way out he grabbed my arm and told me that 'I was deluded to think he actually cared about me; and that the only person he loved was Jade.' I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you Tor, you were right all along. And so is he, I am deluded, no decent guys ever stick around with me." She is struggling to keep her voice even but silent tears are beginning to glide down her cheeks. This sight alone is enough to make my own eyes begin to well up.

"Trin, I-I'm not mad at you" I stutter, my voice is cracking as I speak. "I'm mad at myself, I should have told him. And don't think like that Trina, you are amazing and it is his loss, one day things will work out for you."

"It's not your fault, either of you." Jade's voice slices through the tender sisterly moment we are sharing, "I am the reason he is acting like this. I am the one who asked you not to tell him Tori, it's all my fault. I have hurt you Tor and I never wanted to do that! I didn't even want to hurt Trina! I am so sorry" he blurts out in a rush. A pained expression crosses her face briefly before she puts her mask of indifference back on; I know how hard it must have been for her to say that; given how rarely she apologises.

"Look us standing here trying to figure out whom to lay blame on isn't helping anything. Especially when nothing that has happened is anyone's fault! But right now I need to go and talk to him." I say climbing out of bed and grabbing my clothes from earlier off of the floor.

"There is no way you are going on your own." Jade states.

"Jade please I need to do this."

"No Tori, we both know that he is not his usual self. And there is no way in hell I will let you risk getting hurt."

"Jade, I am a big girl. I can look after myself. He deserves for me to at least talk to him!"

"You are not going alone." She repeats in a growl.

"Fine come with me then! But you are staying outside. I need to talk to him alone, but that way you will know if I need help.

"Fine." She echo's my words; it is clear that she is still unhappy about the situation, but I think she has also realised that I am not willing to change my mind.

In the brief silence that follows our disagreement we hear the front door click open; signalling the arrival of our parents. Shit! I am still grounded, how on earth am I meant to get out of the house without them noticing? Trina's eyes meet mine and she must realise what I am thinking.

"They want to talk to me anyway; about last night. I think I can buy you half an hour, and even if that isn't enough time to speak to Beck, it will at least give you two a chance to get out of the house unnoticed. I know this doesn't make up for what I did, but it's a start." No sooner than she has said it; she gets up and exits my room. Barely a minute passes before we hear voices begin to raise. I pull on my clothes and lock eyes with Jade, grabbing her hand we head off together.

The walk to Beck's RV should take no longer than fifteen minutes, but due to the silence between us it feels far longer. I am terrified of how he could react to me turning up but I do not want Jade to know this. I'm sure that her thoughts are similar. When we arrive outside I look to her to assure her that everything is alright, I squeeze her hand and lean up to peck her on the cheek.

"I will be back out soon, don't worry I will be fine." I smile to mask my true feelings and walk towards his door. With a final backwards glance in her direction I take a deep breath and knock twice.

"It's open." His voice grunts from inside, there is nothing left for me to do; I have to face him now. I push open the door and edge into the room pushing the door closed behind me. His back is to the door and as I am yet to speak he is unaware that it is me.

"H-hi Beck; I-it's me T-Tori" I stutter stumbling over my words.

His head snaps round and his eyes lock on mine. He looks furious, but also broken. So broken that it hurts me to think that this is my fault.

"What do you want?" he growls.

"I think we need to talk. That I need to explain." I mutter trying to stay calm.

"Oh so now you want to talk? Tell me Tori, how do you like being with her? She's great in the sack isn't she? I bet you are real proud that she is yours now!"

"Beck-" I start, but he cuts me off

"No Tori, I don't want to hear it, she was mine! I love her! You were meant to be my friend! When did this start? Were you fucking her behind my back the whole time?

"No! Beck I would never do that to a friend!" I exclaim, tears threatening to leave my eyes.

"Don't you dare call me a friend! I thought that losing her would be the hardest thing I would ever experience. But this is so much worse; the pain I am feeling right now must be worst pain in the world. It goes beyond the physical pain. Even further beyond any other emotional pain one can feel. Do you want to know what it is Tori. It is the betrayal of a friend."

"I never meant for this to happen Beck! I never planned on falling in love with her!" I wail his every word feels like a knife wound.

"You think that you 'love' her?" he laughs in my face as he says it. You have no idea what it feels like for me to love her Tori. Being without her; it hurts to breathe. It hurts to live. I hate her, yet I do not think I can exist without her. I love her Tori, you do not get to." His eyes are glaring into me; the expressing on his face is pure pain.

"I do love her Beck. And I'm not sorry for that, the only thing I am sorry for is hurting you. If I didn't feel like that about her there would be no way I would even consider having starting anything. But I love her so much, I really do."

"I love her too Beck." Jade's voice sounds from behind me.


	33. The mistake was mine JADE

Standing outside had been driving me mad; I couldn't stand not knowing what was going on, but Tori wanted to talk to him alone; I felt that I had to respect that. However curiosity had eventually overcome be and I had wound up with my ear pressed against the door of his RV.

"I love her Tori, you do not get to." Beck's voice sounded laced with anger.

I hated the tone he was talking to her in, anger boiled inside me, how dare he tell her what she can and cannot do? But at the same time hearing the word 'love' in his voice brought back so many memories and sliced through my heart. Sure I don't want to be with him; and I am not in love with him, but I do love him. How could I expect him to react any differently? God sometimes I can be so stupid! Just because I am able to suppress my feelings and put on a nonchalant expression, but I have been pretty deluded thus far to assume he would do the same. It takes a lot for Beck to get this angry. Maybe if I had talked to him, or allowed Tori to talk to him earlier I could have avoided this. But screw it what's done is done and now I am going to put things right.

"I do love her Beck. And I'm not sorry for that, the only thing I am sorry for is hurting you. If I didn't feel like that about her there would be no way I would even consider having starting anything. But I love her so much, I really do." Tori retorted as I pushed open the door, neither of them noticing my arrival due to the tense staring match they appeared to have entered into.

Taking a deep breath I moved further towards them; I guess now is as good a time as ever to intervene.

"I love her too Beck." I state in a steady voice causing them both to turn to face me.

"J-Jade I thought you were going to let me do this alone?" Tori exclaimed.

"He deserves to hear from both of us Tor." I say to her before turning back to Beck. "I'm sorry Beck." I state meeting his eyes.

"Sorry?" he laughs "for what part Jade? Breaking my heart? Shutting me out? Or fucking my friend?" he exclaims a look of disbelief washing over his face masking the anger that had previously been there.

"Will you just hear me out!" I scream; I am trying desperately to keep my temper under control, but I am seriously awful at being judged and when I feel attacked I fight back. "I am sorry for hurting you. But this has got to stop. I'm in love with Tori Beck. I love her." I state putting extra emphasis on the word 'love.' "It isn't something that is just going to go away. When I told you that there was someone else you said it would be ok, but it isn't is it?"

"What did you expect Jade? You cut me out, as if everything we had once shared now meant nothing. And when you told me that you liked someone else you made no mention of going after them! Not to mention that the person in question was someone who was supposed to be my friend!" he cried spitting out the word 'friend' and throwing a deadly glare at Tori.

"Do you think I planned all this? Is that really what you fucking think?" I bellow completely losing my cool. "I cut you out because it was easier, so much easier than having to deal with telling you. I never wanted to hurt you, but we were never going to work. How could we possible have been friends when you are still in love with me? You would have forever been hoping that every moment we shared meant more than it did. I had to cut you out; don't you see it was the only way to push you away, to try and push your feelings for me away. But it didn't work because I forgot one key detail. You are a person, you are not me; and you deal with things in a completely different way to me. That is why I am sorry. Because even after two years I did not know you well enough to know how to deal with you." I exhale desperately locking eyes with him once again. "Cutting you out was a mistake Beck, as was not telling you about Tori and I, and asking her not to talk to you about it as well."

"It was a mistake?" he grunted "Do you know what Jade? The cruel thing is; it feels like the mistake was mine, for trusting you. Tori was my friend, and you ruined that. You two have broken every element of trust which previously existed between us."

"Beck please we can figure this out." Tori exclaimed butting in, she hates that she has hurt him; and that is what is written all over her face.

"You do not leave someone you have been with for two years and then just turn around and go off with someone close to them! That just isn't how it works!" he spits directing the comment at me before turning on his heels and adding "and you do not just go behind a friend s back and date someone they love!" he screams at Tori.

A brief silence consumes us as we all attempt to collect ourselves.

"No Beck you are wrong." I mutter into the silence, "The truth is that you do not get to choose who you love. I know that this situation between the three of us seems unworkable, but do you truly think that either Tori or I actually wanted this? I love her Beck and I wouldn't change her for the world; but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't change how it happened." I state before turning to Tori, "I can't do this anymore, please can we just go?" I plead with her and she responds with a nod.

I turn for the door Tori trailing behind me, Beck is simply staring after us.

"B-Beck, I will always consider you my friend" Tori stumbles across her words, "and when you are ready to think of me as one of yours again, I will be waiting with open arms." She sighs before exiting the RV, I glance back once to see Beck collapsed to the floor tears draining from his eyes; which causes a lump to form in my throat, but I keep moving because there is nothing else that can be said right now.


	34. Somewhat outraged TORI

After leaving Becks Jade and I were both incredibly drained, our hands dangled between us connected as we silently walked back to mine. We did not need words to say that neither of us wanted to be alone tonight. Arriving at my front door I paused, I am supposed to be grounded. My parents are going to want to know where I have been; and what with their earlier confrontation with Trina I can only assume they will not be in a particularly good mood. When I am nervous I tend to bite my lower lip; recently Jade has begun to notice this, and seeing me do it now she pulls me into a hug.

"Hey, Tor? What's wrong? The hard part of our night is over." She whispers into my ear before pulling her head beck to look me in the eye.

"I-I think we are going to have to tell my parents the truth about us Jade. They are going to want to know where I have been anyway; and I hate lying to them. Is that- would you be ok with that?" I stutter through my words; I know that our 'talk' with Beck has left her a little fragile and the last thing I want to do is upset her further.

"Tori I-" she trails off before pulling away from me slightly, she looks deep in thought , a frown is creasing upon her brow. "I don't want everyone to know at once, I want to pace it you know? I'm not out like you are, I mean sure our friends know but I don't think I'm ready for it to be the talk of the school." She exhales deeply the frown disappearing from her brow being immediately replaced by a concerned look. "So I guess what I am trying to say is yes we can tell your parents; but can we stop there? You know wait a while before we tell everyone else?" her eyes are staring at mine waiting for an answer.

"You, Jade West; are truly adorable!" I squeal a grin taking over my face.

"No! Vega I am anything but adorable, never say that again!" she half shouts looking somewhat outraged. But this only makes me giggle.

"Ohh look at big tough Jadey getting all worked up. It's rather cute I think." I respond causing her to lunge forward and grab me.

Pinning me against the wall next to my front door she growls into my ear, "Vega I'm warning you." Before beginning to chuckle along with me. It isn't long before our laughter subsides and we realise the way our bodies are pressed against each others. We mould together so perfectly. Our breath is still short from laughing but this does not stop us, our lips crash together and our tongues begin the familiar battle for dominance, normally I subside fairly quickly; today however I win out the fight causing Jade to moan into the kiss. Eventually the kisses become less powerful; they soften and Jade is the first to pull away, "God I want you Vega. I don't suppose that your parents will still let us sleep in the same room will they?" She groans.

"Damn, I hadn't thought about that baby, I am going to have to share with Trina tonight" I sigh pouting. "But I want to do this, so we will just have to use your house as our own little love shack." I add winking at her.

"Fine! Let's do this now then; before I take you right here." She retorts, she sounds deadly serious and it is only when her tongue pokes out of her mouth and waggles at me that I realise she had been joking. I peck her on the lips once more and I open the door and we step into my house.

"Tori where on earth have you been? I have been calling you for over an hour!" my mother exclaims as I walk through the door.

"You better have a good excuse for this young lady!" my father adds backing her up.

They both freeze slightly when Jade follows me in.

"Oh I am so sorry Jade I didn't see you there" my mother apologises, "it's just Tori is supposed to be grounded."

"Mum; dad. Jade and I have something to tell you. And then I will be able to properly explain where I was and why I was there." I state. The four of us make our way over to the sofas, Jade and I on one, my parents on the other.

"Jade-and-i-are-girlfriends!" I blurt out not leaving room between the words.

"What?" my father asks.

"Tori hunni, you need to breathe while you are speaking." My mother coaches.

But my mind has gone blank, sure my parents know that I am gay, but it is never fun explain who is a girlfriend and who is just a friend. Jade places her hand on my arm and smiles reassuringly at me.

"Tori is trying to tell you that we are dating." She states her voice strong and steady; to anyone else she would seem completely composed, it is only because I can feel her shaking ever so slightly that I know otherwise.

"Oh is that all?" her father questioned laughing, "as long as you treat her right Jade, then that is perfectly fine."

"Of course it is, though Tori we are going to have to discuss the fact that Jade slept in your room the other day, at some point." He mother states seeming only slightly annoyed. "But Tori I must say that does not remotely explain where you have been this evening."

It took a good half an hour to explain the whole scenario with Beck, my parents having already talked to Trina had already heard a brief overview of everything he had done. Though they were not pleased that I had ignored my grounding they also seemed touched that I had acted in a way to protect those I loved. Luckily for me they even decided to cancel my grounding "I can't deal with having both you and Trina confined to the house and I you deserve some sort of reward for looking out for your sister" my mother had said.

Jade had been given permission to stay the night providing that we slept in separate rooms, which sucked majorly because we haven't had sex for a while now. But seeing as my parents have been so understanding tonight I figure we best follow their rules; we can always stay at hers tomorrow night anyway I think to myself smiling as I make up a camp bed in Trina's room. Tomorrow brings another school day; and potential for more problems to unfold, after all we still do not know how Beck will act around us. But I know we can make it through as long as we have each other; after all we have already overcome so much.

_Wish you were here!_

_J xxx_

Is the last text I receive accompanied by a picture of a pouting Jade in my bed, before I give way to sleep.


	35. I can't function without it JADE

Waking up in Tori's bed my nostrils were overwhelmed by her scent; I have come to find it so comforting. In my dazed state I rolled over to wrap my arms around her, only to find she wasn't there. The shock of the situation forced me to wake up properly; the memories of the night before: we had told her parents about our relationship and as a consequence Tori had spent the night in her sister's room leaving me alone in hers. Pulling myself up and out of bed I glace over at her bedside clock its 7AM, yawning and stretching I realise that I am still only wearing my underwear and do not have a change of clothes. Sighing I trudge over to Tori's wardrobe, pulling out her only pair of black skinny jeans I begin to search through her tops, dear god so many of them are either bright or girly, finally I settle on a green tank top and put a purple shirt that I am pretty sure used to be Andre's seeing as it actually does up over my boobs.

Walking downstairs a sense of awkwardness overwhelmed me, I have no idea how I am supposed to act around her parents this morning, I never had to worry about that with Beck after all. Arriving downstairs I find Tori and Trina at the table demolishing piles of pancakes, and Mrs Vega standing over the stove cooking up some more.

"Good morning Jade" she exclaims "I was just about to send Tori to get you up, but it seems you are the first one dressed." I glace over to Tori and Trina and realise that they both still have bed hair and are in pyjamas. "Would you like some pancakes?"

"Errm yer sure thanks" I smile, I never normally eat breakfast, then again it's not like I actually have anyone at home who is willing to make it for me.

"Coming right up dear, help yourself to a drink, there is juice in the fridge."

"Actually would it be ok if I had some coffee, I can't function without it." I reply.

"Of course" she responds moving over to the coffee pot. "How do you like your coffee?"

"Black, two sugars" Tori states before I have a chance to answer myself.

I stare at her in astonishment; she has certainly been paying attention, it took Beck a year to pick up on that, seeing she shock on my face she throws me a cheeky grin before returning to the pile of food in front of her. It's astonishing how someone as tiny as she is can eat so much. Within minutes Tori's mum places a similar sized stack in front of me as well as my coffee.

"Thank you" I say before tucking in myself, there is no way I am going to finish all of this, but it does taste amazing.

As I help myself to a second coffee Tori and Trina head upstairs to get changed, we have to leave for school in twenty minutes, and I am going to have to suffer with getting a ride from Trina. The girls return downstairs with mere minutes to spare, and we all climb into Trina's car. During the ride to school she demands that we tell her about everything that happened with Beck the night before, and once we have she seems somewhat satisfied. As we pull up in the parking lot and climb out of the car she makes a passing comment about wondering what his face will look like today; it is only then that I remember he took to smacks to it yesterday, I imagine he will look pretty battered.

First period is English and Tori and I are in separate classes. Luckily Cat is in my class though so I will have someone to talk to. Moreover she is my closest friend and as such is about the only person I would consider relaying the events of the night before too anyway. We both sit at the back of the room next to each other which is also convenient, and as I enter the classroom I find that she is already there.

"Hey kitty" I smile at her as I drop into my seat.

"Kitty?" she giggles, "God Jade you are clearly in a good mood, it looks like Tori is rubbing off on you!"

"Oi Valentine watch it" I reply in a stern voice but I am unable to completely suppress my smile.

"Ok Jade, what has put you in such a good mood then if it isn't Tori?"

"Fine it might have been Tori" I sight as she lets out a triumphant squeal.

"I knew it! What has happened?"

"Nothing major, it's just her she seems to have some sort of power over me." I sigh, "but we spoke to Beck last night." I add.

"Oh" a gasp escapes her body, "you mean he knows about you two now?" she questions looking genuinely worried.

"Yes he does. I wouldn't say he took it well, but it could have gone worse. I guess we just have to wait and see what happens."

Our convocation is cut short as the teacher begins the lesson and we are forced to start taking notes. We are currently studying Shakespeare's 'Much ado about nothing', normally I like Shakespeare, but I guess I just prefer his tragedies. None the less I throw myself into the work and all previous thoughts filter from my mind.

Lunch rolls around soon enough and I make my way to our usual table, coffee and sandwich in hand. Andre, Cat and Robbie are already seated, but Tori is missing. Plonking myself down I crane my neck looking out for her, but instead I see Beck. Damn he really does look a mess, Trina was right she did give him a black eye; one that is somewhat swollen shut, not to mention the bruising to his jaw from Andre's punch.

"Shit I didn't do all that did I?" Andre asks upon settling his own gaze where mine was already.

"Nah, just the jaw. Trina is the cause of the black eye." I state. Three pairs of eyes lock on me as I realise they do not yet know about Trina's confrontation with Beck. I give them a brief overview before starting on my lunch.

"I know he was being a complete dick, but I do still kind of feel bed." Andre mutters.

"Well talk to him then." Tori's voice sounds from behind me, leaning down she places another coffee in front of me before joining us. "Only not right now because it looks like he is heading for Trina. He had better be about to apologise." The Latina states in a feisty tone.

"You wouldn't mind me talking to him?" Andre questions.

"Of course not Andre, we are both your friends, why would I?" she replies and he responds with a nod. "So does anyone want to know why I was so late to lunch?" she offers causing us all to make our curiosity clear. "I just found out that we are having a prom here in two weeks!" she exclaims seeming very excited.

"I know" Andre replies, "I have already asked Dani." He pauses slightly before adding "and she said yes."

"Cat and I are going together" Robbie states proudly wrapping his arm around the small red haired girl causing her to giggle.

"I am actually helping to organise it!" Cat bursts, "I'm going to make sure it is super pretty."

"Prom's are stupid." I grunt causing tension to cut through their excitement.


	36. Potentially the lamest TORI

"Prom's are not stupid!" I exclaim shocked.

"Ughh" she sighs "well maybe they are; maybe they aren't. But I don't like them."

I stare at her wide eyed and open mouthed; I am genuinely lost for words. All the excitement that had been rippling through my body mere moments before suddenly draining away.

"Oh Jade; does that mean you won't go?" Cat questioned pouting.

"Definitely not." She responded without even looking up.

"But Jade" I whinge "I love prom's! I want to go!"

"I didn't say you couldn't."

"But I want you to come with me!" I squeal.

"That is potentially the lamest way anyone has ever been asked to be someone's prom date." She responds "but I will let it slide seeing as I had already said that I am not going."

My face fell and I crossed my arms over my chest, I knew must have looked like a sulking child but for once I didn't care. Andre, Cat and Robbie continually threw glances at me offering sympathetic smiles; but Jade remained silent until she had finished her lunch.

"Why the sad boo boo face Tor?" she questioned wrapping her arms around me, "you're not seriously this upset over a stupid prom are you?"

"It's not stupid" I grumble as I allow her to pull me up from the table and heads towards her locker.

The real reason I had been so late to lunch was because after having heard about the prom I had set about finding a way to ask Jade to go with me. With the help of Sinjin I had been able to get inside of her locker. I had filled the inside with an array of fairy lights to mimic those that would be present at the prom. I had placed two dolls inside, one with brown hair and casual clothes on and the other with jet black hair wearing a gothic style dress to represent us. And most importantly above the dolls I had hung a sign above the dolls; one which read: 'Jade West will you do me the honour of accompanying me to the prom?'Now I can see that this was a waste of time, but it is too late, Jade is about to find out and I will once again be at the receiving end of her rejection, only this time I am pretty sure that it will be accompanied by humiliation.

Luckily enough the hallway is empty when we reach her locker, at least nobody will witness my embarrassment. Jade, also noticing that we are alone pulled me into a kiss. I was shocked to find her lips on mine, but my body responded immediately pushing into hers as we both moaned into the kiss, it was perfect; yet not enough. My body was screaming for more as I backed her up against the lockers biting down on her bottom lip causing her to moan once more, reality was slipping away from me, from up as we were lost in this moment.

A throat clearing cough sounded from behind us, causing us to leap apart and turn in the direction of the noise, Sikowitz was standing at the opposing end of the corridor looking at us with his eyebrows raised and a grin on his lips.

"I guess there really is a fine line between love and hate." He states before stalking towards his classroom.

A nervous giggle escapes me and my cheeks are burning, I can hear Jade muttering 'fuck' and 'shit' under her breath as she attempts to recompose herself.

"At least it was only Sikowitz" I offer gaining a glare in response.

"We just have to control ourselves from now on Tor, if we can't trust ourselves to just kiss, then we will have to just not do it in a public area." She states causing me to sigh because I know she is right. On that note she heads back towards her locker and begins to open it, she backs away slightly upon seeing the invitation I have left inside for her; she looks completely shocked and bewildered.

"D-did you do this?" she questions me, gaining a nod and I smile in response. "Babe it's beautiful, and such a creative idea" hope floods through me, she likes it. She really likes it! Maybe, just maybe she will consider going with me now. "But I am still not going." She states causing me to noticeably deflate.

"But Jade why?"

"Tor, do you not remember our convocation last night? About how I am not completely out yet, and not ready to be? You agreed that we could wait to tell everyone else. I'm pretty sure that us going to prom together as each other's dates would give it away."

"B-but" I stutter trying to think of a way around it, "what if we just go together as friends, no one needs to know. I mean friends go to parties and dance together right?"

"Yer they do babe, but not the way that I would dance with you. Let's face it Tori; if we can't go to my locker together without pouncing on each other what chance have we got at keeping up the 'just friends' routine if say a slow song comes on? I know for a fact that I wouldn't have the will power to resist; can you honestly tell me you would?

"N-no I guess not" I mutter, this is so unfair; all I want is to take my beautiful girlfriend to prom.

"Hey" she coo's cupping my chin in her hand and pulling my stare up to hers, "don't be so upset about this, there is always next year" she sooths before kissing me briefly on the forehead. "Now what do you say we blow off this afternoons classes and head to mine? I know you are staying over tonight anyway but frankly I would like to get a head start. It has been far too long since I last saw you without clothes on Miss Vega, and quite honestly I need you, now." She smirks on the last line, throughout her little speech her hand had ran its way up the back of my leg and began to grope my butt. I was wet already; there was no way I could refuse. All thoughts of prom and how much I still want to go with her are pushed to the back of my mind. Meeting her gaze I offer up my own smirk in return before reaching for her outstretched hand at running out of the school building with her.


	37. The same icy tone JADE

**Heyy guys :)**

**Sorry I didn't upload yesterday, I am actually really ill at the moment.  
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**I wasn't going to upload today either because today has been really hard for me; its the first fathers day I have experienced since my dad passed away last year.  
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**But I guess that I thought it would take my mind off of things.  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own Victoriouse of the South of Nowhere quotes embedded within this.  
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The walk to my house flew past us and before I knew it I had opened my front door and Tori had dragged me to my room. Damn she doesn't waste any time I think to myself ad her kisses deepen and she begins to tug at my clothing. I let he think that she has control for a few seconds longer and she pulls my shirt off, as she is unbuttoning my jeans however I seize her by her hips, spin her around and fire her onto my bed. A look of shock rushes across her face and I meet it with a smirk as I climb on top of her; straddling her. I plant long drawn out; clumsy kisses on her lips, I need this so much. My nails claw at her skin as I pull her clothes from her body.

My arms wrap around her back as I undo her bra, my lips leading a trail of kisses down her jaw and neck nipping her with my teeth the entire way. As her bra tumbles off and her breasts are left exposed I hear myself sharply intake breath. No matter how many times I see her flawless body I am always left amazed. My mouth quickly finds her nipple and as I begin to suck on it my hand finds her other breast and begins to caress it. Hearing her moan softly spurs me on and my hand pulls away from her breast to start undoing her jeans. As my hand brushes against her inner thing as I pull down her jeans I hear her breathing increase, I begin a trail of kisses up her legs as I work my way back to her panties, upon reaching them I tear them off.

Wasting no time I move further up with my kisses and open up her outer lips with my tongue allowing it to graze her clit, a low moan escapes her as she bucks her hips up. And idea formulates in my mind and I pull away.

"Sit on my face Tor." I command, causing her eyes to widen in shock.

"W-what?" she gasps

"You heard me I growl" before reversing our positions and pulling her on top of me.

With one of her legs either side of my head I once again push open her outer lips with my tongue, as I do so she begins to rock her hips in time with my tongue. Whilst I feel that I have power as I am the one giving her pleasure it is also apparent that she also holds an element of dominance as she currently has control over her thrusts. As she begins to pick up speed I grab hold of her hips and slow her thrusts down; reasserting my dominance, as I rock her in time with my tongue she begins to whimper and it is not long before her moans begin to gain volume and her body begins to shake. Her sweet juices leak down into my mouth and I lap them up before allowing her to roll off of me and collapse beside me on my bed breathless.

After a few minutes of heavy breathing Tori's breath returns to a somewhat more normal less ragged state. As soon as she is able to; she keenly jumps to return the favour. Her hands seem to have multiplied touching me in so many places seemingly at the same time. She doesn't even waste time removing my clothes; instead her hand pushes its way inside of my jeans and panties and begins pumping. Her fingers curve upwards into me curling inside me repeatedly hitting my g-spot. My body gives way to any previous element of dominance it held and I begin to whimper under her every touch. Hearing this spurs her on causing her to push deeper, long drawn out moans begin to escape my body and her name repeatedly tumbles out of my lips. Pulling up she silences me with a kiss.

As both of us lay on my bed our bodies entwined it was almost as if the world had stopped spinning for a moment; for us. The moment, as close to perfect as any could be, our breath steadying in time with each others, I can feel her heartbeat on my skin. Love is laced heavily on the air.

But as with every perfect moment there is always a contrasting one to follow. The sound of a door shutting downstairs tells me that my father is home. And in according with such I feel it is appropriate that Tori and I at least get dressed. Throwing her clothes at her I begin pulling my shirt back on and re-buttoning my jeans.

"I know I said that I didn't want to tell anyone else Tor, but maybe I will make an exception for my father. He so rarely pays any attention to my life that I feel the need to fill him in every few months. And for once I do not have to worry about someone's reaction; because I already know he will hate it, as he hates everything else in my life." As I stop speaking I realise just how much I have said, which causes me to smile shyly at her. I wait patiently as she drags on the last of her clothes; and when she is finished I grab hold of her hand and drag her down stairs behind me.

"Jade" my father's cold voice sounded upon noticing my arrival, then upon noticing Tori behind me he added "and this is?"

"Dad" I respond in the same icy tone; the tone in which we have become so accustomed to addressing each other in. "This is Tori. She is my girlfriend." I blurt out, almost challenging him, and as I do so I feel Tori's hand squeeze mine.

"Girlfriend?" he questions raising his eyebrows, and upon noticing the nod I give in return a deep sigh escapes his body. "First the piercings, then your tattoo, and now you decide to be gay? Do you really spend your time thinking up ways to aggravate me Jade?" he grunts sounding caught somewhere between bored and frustrated.

"Decided? What, you think I woke up one morning and decided to myself "how am I really going to piss off my dad today? Oh wait, I think I'll decide to be gay." I blurt out, pure rage flowing through me.

"Jade-" my father tries to interject.

"Just stop!" I scream "Don't you think I already know how much easier my life would be if I lived by your rules? But look I can't that isn't me! I can't be the daughter that you want and I'm tired of feeling guilty for embarrassing you and inconveniencing you, and, I just don't know how anymore dad."

"Jade I just want you to be normal, and in turn to be happy."

"I am happy, and I am just fine with myself the way I am. It just really sucks so much that you cannot accept me for me!"

"I have to go." My father blurts grabbing his keys and heading for the front door.

"Of course you do dad!" I scream after him, "as soon as anything gets to 'real' you turn around and run away. Something I always used to do as well. But not anymore! Things won't just go away if you ignore them!" the latter part of my sentence is not heard by him as he has already left; but I needed to voice it. Because I also needed to hear it. Eventually people will know about Tori and I. I can run away for as long as I wish to but eventually everyone is going to find out. I might not be quite ready yet but I know I need to prepare myself.


	38. Caught in the crossfire TORI

In the wake of the argument I became acutely aware that I had been rooted to the spot in silence for at least five minutes; during which time Mr West had stormed out and Jade was now stood in front of me shaking with anger. Their words, like bullets had fired back and forth leaving me caught in the crossfire. It's hard to believe that there is any love in a relationship which holds such hostility. Her father had actually suggested that it was possible to 'decide' to be gay. I cannot fathom how someone as intellectually intelligent as he is can be so naive in terms of other topics. Sexuality is not a choice; it is imprinted on us like fingerprints. Under normal circumstances I would allow this anger to take hold of me; however looking at my girlfriend and seeing her so enraged; somehow managed to trick my body into some form of calm. It would be senseless for us both to lose our heads right now. And at this present moment in time her need to vent outrage far outweighed mine.

"Jade, I'm here" I sooth pulling her into an embrace, her body is rigid, her shakes are violent and I can hear her teeth grinding. I have no idea how to- or even if it is possible to coax her out of such a state. Words fail me and my body take over, my hands begin to rub circles across her back in what I can only hope is a soothing manner. For a while we just stand there; neither of us making a move to break away and talk, her anger as present as it had been to begin with and my nerves rising as I realise I have in no way been able to calm her. "Jade?" I mutter in a last attempt to draw some sort of recognition out of her.

"What?" she screams with such a level of fury it causes me to release her and retreat. "Sorry" she mutters "and before you ask, no I am not ok. And no there is nothing you can do to change that" venom is laced in her voice in a way which reminds me of how things were between us after having first met. There is no hint of love that I can notice, and her usually bright eyes have noticeably dimmed; in fact her entire body seems to have deflated slightly. A pang of pain soars through my chest at this realisation, at this moment in time I cannot even recognise the girl stood in front of me as my girlfriend. "Just go Tori." She states firmly after a few moments of studying my face; my hurt must be painfully clear but she is making no attempt to rectify it, please don't let this be happening. Why would she choose now to shut me out? After a few more minutes pass and I have yet to more a flicker of emotion crosses her face; "Tori please. I need to be alone" she attempts to growl yet is almost seems that she is pleading, the venom seems to have disappeared but by reading her body language I can tell that the anger is far from gone. Emotions are running thick and fast through my mind, I simultaneously want to kiss her and hurt her. So instead I swipe past her with my head held high and leave the house without a backwards glance.

Only once I am sure that I am out of sight from her house do I allow my emotions to overcome me. Tears fall down my face silent like raindrops, yet heavy as a monsoon. I seem to have reverted to auto pilot, my feet keep moving without any directions from my brain. And I am being addressed on the phone before I even realise I have dialled at all.

"Hello Tori! Are you there?" Dani's voice sings at me; a brief pause passes as I try to think of something, anything to say. "Tor? You are starting to worry me sweetie, what is going on? Please say something." She says in a more serious tone, and somehow this pulls me back into reality.

"D-Dani." I croak, tears thick in my voice. "I-I need you." I am such a mess that I am stumbling over each word.

"Ok Tor. I will be there, but errm where are you?" after telling her of my whereabouts I slump down on a roadside bench and waited.

Concern is ripe within me. Concern for Jade; should I have left her as she asked? Or stayed and somehow forced her to speak to me? And concern for how the first person I thought to turn to was Dani, is that wrong? Should I have instead rung Andre, or Cat? Or am I just being ridiculous? Surely the fact that I have known Dani for the longest gives me some right to turn to her? I guess that knowing of Jade's jealous tendencies I should have considered how she would react to this concept. Moreover seeing as Dani is my ex, and is dating my best friend maybe I should have considered talking to him as well. "Ughh!" I groan into my hands.

"Hello you" Dani's voice sounds dragging me from my inner monologue, a sweet smile shows on her lips but worry is clear in her eyes. Extending out her hand she grabs hold of mine and pulls me into a hug. "come on get in the car, I think we could both use a hot chocolate right now" she whispers into my ear, causing memories of the two of us back when we were together to flood through my mind: every day after school we used to go to the same little coffee house and order as I used to call them 'the best hot chocolates in the world'. I smile simply and nod in response before climbing into her car. Everything is so comfortable, being with her is so simple; we know each other so well that we don't even need to speak; both of us know that as soon as I am ready I will not hesitate to explain the reason I called her is such a level of distress. And because of this unspoken acknowledgement between the two of us she simply offers me one last smile and a nod before pulling the car away from the kerb.


	39. I have missed him JADE

The moment the door closed behind Tori my anger finally reached bursting point and I allowed a scream to escape my body as my foot made contact with one of the breakfast stools, sending it catapulting across the kitchen. Fury was however still seething out of me and I needed to destroy something; something important to him. Five minutes later I was sat in the middle of his bedroom surrounded by pieces of fabric which had used to be his favourite ties and suits until they met my scissors.

It took me all of about twenty minutes to realise how awful I had been to Tori, and in turn I redirected my anger towards myself. How could I be such an idiot, she had witnessed the argument and of course she had wanted to help me; to comfort me. Yet instead of welcoming this I had pushed her away, and the way I had spoken to her was completely uncalled for. Launching my scissors at the wall I climbed to my feet and headed for my car. I need to see her, to explain; yes I push people away and I lose my temper far too quickly, but its only the people that I care about the most who witness this, the others never get close enough to me to be able to.

I push the speed limits cursing every time I hit a red light. When I finally pull up at her house I practically jump out of my car and throw myself towards her front door hastily ringing the door bell. A few minutes pass and there is no response so I begin pounding on the door, eventually an unimpressed looking Trina drags the door open then noticing me stares in confusion.

"Can I see Tori?" I grumble.

"She's with you isn't she?" Trina enquires still looking at me in a bewildered manner.

"Does it look like she is with me?" I exclaim frustration clear on my voice.

"Well no. But she isn't here either" the older Latina states causing panic to flood through me. Where the hell is she then?

"Fine. If she turns up then get her to call me." I demand not even bothering to be polite, Trina merely nods in response. "Thank you" escapes my lips before I can stop it. Damn since when am I nice to Trina Vega.

Disheartened I climbed back into my car and pulled out my phone, no texts or missed calls. Pushing down on Tori's name and pressing the phone to my ear I prayed she would answer; however no such luck instead the call rang through to voicemail, after trying this several times to no avail. Feeling I had come to a dead end I start up my car and pull away from her house, the next twenty minutes or so are spent driving aimlessly. It's not till I am directly outside the RV that I even realise where I am. Beck's? Really Jade? I question myself, sure whenever I used to have arguments with my father I would turn straight to Beck, but things are different now; hell we aren't even friends at the moment. Gripping the steering wheel I argue inwardly with myself as to whether I should leave or stay, this is however cut short when my phone sounds.

_I can see you out there you know._

_Since when do you think twice about _

_Pushing your way in._

_I'll try and be nice._

_Beck. x_

The text caused me to smile, it was the most pleasant he had been towards me for a while now. At that moment I decided that I would go in, sure we are not together anymore but maybe if we start to spend some time together here and there we could rebuild our friendship? Only if he leaves Tori alone though. With that thought in my mind I push my way inside without even knocking.

"Beck." I grunt in a greeting.

"Why hello there Jade! Fancy seeing you here." He exclaims in mock surprise.

"Shut up you idiot" I retort playfully, much as I hate to admit it; I have missed him.

Following this friendly greeting an awkward silence overcomes us; neither of us knowing how we should act around the other. After everything that has happened between us I know that I should hate him, but I don't; I can't. Pushing past him I throw myself on the couch and turn on the T.V.

"Jade?" he questions "what's going on?"

"What do you mean what is going on, I am watching Women who Kill, is that ok with you?" I attempt to snap as a retort, but my voice betrays my uncertainty.

"You know what I mean. The fact that you are here watching that is enough for me to figure out that something has happened with your father. However what I don't understand is why you came to me?"

"I-I-" I stutter seemingly unable to form a sentence.

"I mean I'm glad you are here, don't get me wrong; I've really missed you." He trails off. "I'm sorry Jade, god I am so sorry. I hate that I acted the way I did. But you need to understand that I was hurt; and people who are hurt do things that they never normally would. I know that is no excuse, and in all honesty I do not have one; there is no way to excuse what I have done. But I really am truly sorry, and I can only hope that I haven't lost you completely." The sincerity on his voice was so ripe that it cut through me; this is the Beck I used to know. The sweet kind and caring boy who has seen me at my worst yet never judged me for it.

"Good" I state, "that you are sorry that is, but you still need to apologise to Tori."

"Let's not argue right now please, I have a feeling you are here because you think that you need me; so don't bring things up which will push us further apart again. I'm not done being mad at Tori yet; we will sort this out Jade but it is going to take time." He states his eyes gazing into mine, "now how about you tell me why you came here when you are upset rather than turning to Tori?"

"I-I tried. But I had already pushed her away and I can't find her; haven't been able to contact her. I don't know what to do Beck, but I ended up here. I guess maybe I knew subconsciously knew that I needed you."

"You don't need me Jade; you never did, you don't even need Tori at times like this. You prefer to deal with things yourself and shut everyone else out. But I don't think that will work with her, she is never going to be content with sitting back and watching you struggle through your problems alone, that just isn't who she is." God I have missed the level of sense he brings to situations. Everything is so familiar is all I can think as he pulls me into a tight embrace. "I think maybe you cool down a little, I'll go grab us some coffee and then you can ring her again? What do you think?" he asks.

A deep sigh escapes my body; it's incredibly irritating that it took him telling me what to do, in order for me to realise how startlingly simple it really was.


	40. Emotional distance TORI

**Heyy guys :),**

**I would just like to throw it out there that I got super excited when I realised that IamStoopKid had complimented a chapter of my story. I LOVE his/her story: Is a Jelly Fish Sting Deadly? you should all go read it! :D  
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**I also got a really random review a couple of days back from someone called jennifer stating that she 'wants to know what happens to Jade and her baby in 'its a sacrifice'.' Sorry Jen but i don't write that fic so I can't really help you out there; but good luck anyway!  
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**Lastly I of course want to thank you all for your reviews they honestly do make me want to write more! and a special big thank you to those of you have been reviewing the whole way through, i love you all.  
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**So seeing as you know I love it so much keep it up  
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**reviews are always welcome!  
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The entire car ride had been in silence, I didn't want to start explaining till we got there. Upon arrive Dani told me to go grab a seat while she brought the drinks; it occurred to me then that I probably shouldn't let her pay for mine, but I t appears to be all too easy to fall into old habits. She shortly returned holding a tray on which both our drinks stood and along side them were two muffins, one blueberry and one chocolate.

"I trust that chocolate is still your favourite?" she asks, I nod in response a smile taking over my face.

"This is so weird" I state looking at her "but good weird."

"Yer it does kind of feel like we have gone back in time a bit, I can't believe it has been so long since we last came here." A chuckle escapes her, "I still remembered the order though, and I see you grabbed out 'usual table'". It wasn't till she said it that I realised she was right, wow this just gets stranger and stranger.

"I guess I should tell you what happened." I sigh taking a sip of my hot chocolate, oh god I had forgotten how great these were.

"Whenever you are ready Tor, I'm not going to push you. If it makes it any easier I've already figured out that it's about Jade though." She smiles at me, a slight foam moustache has appeared on her upper lip, but I avoid telling her.

"Her dad found out about us tonight" I start but trail off.

"Oh god he didn't catch you at it like mine did he?"She blurts out.

"Luckily no, in case you haven't noticed I left her house fully dressed." I reply giggling slightly.

"Thank god!" She exclaims, "I'm still so sorry about that Tor I really feel bad and still can't believe that he marched you home in your underwear."

"Its fine Dani, I would rather just forget about it, not that Trina is ever going to let me live it down." I offer her a shy smile. "Were things always this easy to talk about with us?" I ask; the emotional distance between Jade and I still firmly at the front of my mind.

She looks thoughtful for a moment before replying, "Yes I think so. I mean we were such good friends before we got together that we already knew most of each other's secrets, and we knew how to comfort each other when something was wrong. We laughed at the mistakes we made in bed the first time; I think that required a substantial level of comfort." Pausing to watch my facial expressions she read me like a book, "I take it things aren't like that with Jade? Tell me Tor."

"Her dad, he referred to being gay as a choice; and made it clear it wasn't one he found acceptable. They had a huge argument and he stormed out. She was so angry and upset; I-I just wanted to be there for her. I tried to comfort her, I really did; but it is as if her anger turned on me. She told me to get out Dani. What does that even mean, she defended our relationship with such passion; but still didn't want me there. I don't understand it." Silent tears had once begun to drip down my face.

She grabbed napkin before coming over and sitting next to me rather than in the seat across from me that she had previously been on. Gently she wiped away my tears before pulling me towards her, my head resting on her chest she stroked my hair.

"Oh Tor, please don't cry, I just can't stand it" he own voice was trembling at this point. "I don't know the girl all that well, but from what I do know she cares about you a hell of a lot. And from what Andre has told me I gather that you two weren't close before?"

"N-no I always thought that she hated me." I mutter between sobs.

"Well I think that might be it then babe, you two are still learning about each other. You don't yet know what the other needs. Trust me I have gotten angry with Andre more than once recently for not knowing things which you used to, it's difficult learning everything about someone so new in your life." She takes a deep breath before continuing "Maybe she just needed to cool down; I highly doubt that the anger she directed towards you; actually had anything to do with you. She seems, naturally fiery anyway." Dani stated with a tone that suggested she was being carefully selective with her words. "Maybe you should call her or text her or something, I'm sure she feels terrible for putting you through this."

Looking up at my ex-girlfriend I wonder how it is that she and Jade are so different, I squeeze her hand gently before placing a friendly peck on her cheek, causing her to blush furiously.

"Have I ever told you how amazing you are? You are quite literally the voice of reason." I smile up at her.

"You have indeed told me that I am amazing many times darling, and let's face it; you're right" she states with an air of arrogance, making me realise that her and Jade do indeed have some things in common.

Pulling my phone out of my bag a gulp noticing that it is still on silent and I have fifteen missed calls, all of which were from Jade. "Oh god" I groan into my hands putting my phone on the table so Dani could see.

"Well I think it's safe to say that someone wants to make up" she states cheerily, and as she finished my phone begins flashing Jade's name again. Grabbing it up off the table I hurriedly press to answer.

"Tori! Oh thank god" she starts.

"Hey Jade; sorry my phone was on silent."

"Don't you dare say sorry Vega, I was a bitch and I know it. But where the hell are you? I went to your house like twenty minutes after you left but you weren't there."

"I needed to talk to someone" I state wondering if I should mention it was Dani; guessing that it would come back to haunt me if I didn't I added "I'm actually with Dani, she picked me up from a bench on a street a couple of roads down from yours. I was a bit of a mess."

"Dani?" her voice sounds uneven as if she is trying to keep her cool, does Andre know this?"

"Well know but why would he need to?"

"Just a bit of an odd situation is all. But anyway I am sorry, I really truly am. I am too like my father for my own good sometimes; I push those I am closest too away when I am stressed, and It never helps; you would think I would have realised that be now. But I wasn't mad at you Tor only at him!" she exclaims sounding desperate. Please can you come back to mine?"

"It's ok Jade I guess we just need to work on our communication. Just try and remember that I am always going to be on your side ok?" Dani gives me a thumbs up from across the table; "Oh and Jade it isn't off, we are friends I have told you that. I thought you were cool with me seeing her now" I question earning a confused glance from Dani.

"I am, I just thought it would be you her and Andre now. It's a little strange that she would be the first person you turn to if we argue, but whatever. I just want to see you babe."

Before I can respond I hear another voice echo from her end of the phone. Once which I recognise 'I'm back and I have coffee.', "Is that Beck?" I fire down the phone at her "what the fuck Jade, It's odd that I went to Dani when I was upset. But you would rather talk to him that me?" Venom is ripe on my voice and disgust is clear on the word 'him'.

"No, Tori it isn't like that" she begins but soon trails off.

"After everything he has said, after everything he has done. You would still rather turn to him than me? Screw you Jade." I scream down the phone before hanging up and throwing it at the table and dissolving back into tears.

"I think maybe I should take you with me to Andre's" Dani mutters before collecting my stuff, half picking me up and dragging me to the car.


	41. Heavy on my skin JADE

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" I shriek as the line goes dead, and in frustration I throw my phone at Beck's head. "Why now? Why the fuck did you have to choose that moment to speak?" I scream at him.

"What?" he looks at me in confusion, "What the hell are you on about Jade?"

"Tori heard you! She heard you talking, and then she hung up." I groan running my hand through my hair.

"So what? Why shouldn't I be talking to you? Has she said that you can't see me or something?" He growls.

"No this is all my fault. Isn't it fucking always? I made a comment about her being with Dani; hell it must have been clear that I was uncomfortable with it. And then you waltz in here announcing yourself just in time to remind me and make Tori aware of my complete double standards! Thank you for ruining my life!" I throw the venom laced insult at him despite being totally aware that none of this is actually his fault.

"Seriously Jade you are going to pin this on me?" he sighs throwing his hands in the air. "You are impossible do you know that?" he states sitting down next to me. "You are obsessively jealous, completely paranoid and you throw anger you feel towards yourself at other people."

"Way to make me feel better" I start to say rolling my eyes.

"Will you just shut up and listen for once?" he snaps at me before sliding his hand under my chin softly, "All of those things are true. But you are also caring, funny, beautiful, passionate and determined. It is for all these reasons that I-" he hangs his head and his voice breaks slightly and he drops his hand, "that I love you." He stops and looks at me, and his eyes meet mine as he closes his and leans in, I tilt my head in the ever so familiar way and my eyes begin to shut, for a moment I don't think I am going to stop him, in that second I am ready to let him kiss me and kiss him back. But Tori's face is imprinted in my mind, her touch is heavy on my skin and her voice is ringing in my ears. I don't want this I think to myself, turning my head away sharply I feel his lips graze my cheek.

"Beck, I love Tori" I state still avoiding eye contact with him, I hear him sigh in response.

"Then you need to talk to her." He sounds so deflated.

"I know." I state flatly, "but I have no idea where she is and I don't even nearly know what to say."

"I want you to be happy Jade, but please don't make me help you with this. It's just too hard"

"I'm sorry, I'll go" I respond standing up and heading for the door. As I reach it I turn back to face him, I shy smile crosses my face as I look over my ex-lover and for the first time in weeks I get the feeling that maybe things between us will be ok.

Climbing into my car I start to rack my brains for where she could possibly be. Giving in I take out my phone; screen cracked from my throw, and dial her number. As I expected it rings through to voice mail. "You can't ignore me forever Vega" I growl under my breath. I spend the next fifteen minutes repeatedly calling before the call is finally answered.

"Tori please don't hang up, just let me see you. Let me explain. I will do anything" I ramble quickly not leaving room for a response.

"Jade wait!" a voice cries "It's not Tori, it's Dani" I completely deflate, she really doesn't want to talk to me then. "She says she doesn't want to talk-"

"But I need to speak to her!" I wail cutting her off.

"Shut up will you!" she groans, "If there is one thing I know about Tori, it is that she is a complete fool when she is in love and no matter how mad she gets, she will never turn the girl she loves away if they come face to face with her. We are at Andre's and Tori is a mess. If you want to fix this you are going to have to listen to me ok?"

"Whatever!" I scream frustration thick on my voice, pausing slightly I add "I do want to fix this so just tell me already?" I groan inwardly; I hate having to accept help from other people.

"You are going to go to a florist, once there you are going to buy the biggest bouquet of lily's that you can find. They are her favourite" A pang of annoyance floods through me as I realise I didn't even know what flowers were my girlfriend's favourite. "Then you are going to get your arse her and grovel. You got that?"

"Grovel? Why can't I just explain?" I respond getting angry now, who the hell does she think she is telling me to grovel! I think to myself.

"You could just explain Jade, and the sad thing is that she would accept that. But after everything you have put her through tonight I won't accept it, why should you get off so easy? That night at the hospital; you told me you realised she was amazing, and I warned you not to break her heart. Yet here we are Jade, you have hurt her, hurt her so much that I am beyond pissed. So sort your shit out, get here and beg, beg for her to forgive you, because that is what she deserves: someone who will put aside their pride for her, someone who would do anything to make her smile. And you know that I am right."

Anger that has been whirl pooling inside me since she stared talking; anger that was so close to the surface that it almost bubbled out, fades away as she says that last line. She is right, this shouldn't be easy for me, Tori does deserve more than that. Why should I be able to do this to her and then just waltz in any make everything ok again without any real effort? Suddenly I feel more like crying than shouting, yet I know that I do not have any right to cry, I deserve to hurt right now.

"I will be there within half an hour" I sigh down the phone, and seconds later I hear the line go dead.


	42. Despite her flaws TORI

The vast majority of the car ride to Andre's has been wiped from my memory, heavy sobs had continually racked through my body; I'm sure Dani had been muttering words of comfort, but they didn't even penetrate me. Pulling up at Andre's he had unexpectedly been waiting outside; I suppose it is possible that Dani had contacted him to alert him of the situation, but I hadn't noticed. His arms wrapped tightly around me pulling me into a hug as I climbed out of the car. But I felt nothing, all senses and emotions seemed to be missing, I was numb.

Their conversations were way over my head; in fact had they not repeatedly addressed me I would not have been remotely aware of their presence. Visions of Jade with Beck consumed my thoughts. What were they doing? How could she have seen fit to talk to him rather than me? I love her so much; no area of my life will ever be off limits to her; I had thought, hoped that this feeling was mutual. I was there; right there, but she pushed me away, made it clear that she didn't want to talk about it. Although as it goes I suppose that she did want to talk about it. She just didn't want to talk to me.

My phone; clutched tightly in my hands, lit up for at least the sixth time in the last seven minutes, and through my tear blurred eyes Jade's face; her flawless face was clearly visible on the screen. As it had all the other times the call cut off with me having not moved to answer it. What was left to say? Surely she has already made her choice.

"Fuck you" I hear the venom laced words drip from my mouth once again.

"Maybe you should answer?" Andre voiced as a question, but was cut short by the glance I shot him.

What purpose would answering serve? More feeble excuses would tumble to my ears from her seductive voice. I cannot hold a grudge; I am weak like that, but right now I don't want to forgive. I need to keep hold of this hate that has taken up camp in my chest, because if I don't then all that will be left is the hurt, the hurt which feels strong enough as it is. I cannot let it intensify. If I was to talk to her right now then my walls would come down, love would blind sight me; and in a desperate battle love and hurt would overwhelm me. As my thoughts swirled I had barely noticed that my phone had sounded another nine times, and when I looked down her face was once again present.

"Make it stop" I begged, not directed at anyone in particular, in any case Dani and Andre's presence had long been forgotten.

"Give me your phone Tor, she isn't going to stop until she at least knows that you are safe" Dani smiles down at me; despite myself I feel a slight smile cross my own face upon remembering that I am not alone here then immediately hate myself for being so easily emotionally swayed. "Just give me the phone Hun; I will talk to her. I'll make her stop calling." Sighing I handed over my phone and watched her leave the room.

Andre moved next to me at this point, his arms pulling me into him.

"Chin up Muchacha, if she didn't care then she wouldn't keep phoning. Its shit; it really is. But this is Jade we are talking about; she is her own worst enemy."

Jade, the girl I love; I guess it's true; by never going about things normally she often screws herself over. She has more flaws that one could count. But love itself is a curious concept; it gives so much power to an individual; so much power that it is both terrifying and thrilling. Once you have found it, it becomes as essential to your everyday life as food, water and air. To lose it or be without it in anyway would be so painfully torturous, sure I feel hurt right now but I still have a tight grip on that raw emotional bond. I am still clinging to the unremitting devotion, because when it comes down to it surely it can never have been love at all if you are able to just let it go? Love is senseless, relentless, but above all it is unconditional. And I suppose that the most prominent fact remains that I do love Jade unconditionally; not despite her flaws, but because of them. They make her human, and in turn they make us real.

All this considered I ask myself why it is that I am not ready to forgive? With hurt and love hanging in the balance surely love would win it out? The only emotion seemingly able to match love is hate; and I could never truly hate her. Mere hurt could surely not overcome me when love is shining through. Maybe the sad fact of it is that I just don't want to be weak anymore, I do not want to forever remain a slave to my emotions, to the way I feel about her. None the less I find myself regretting allowing Dani to take the call. And as she returns to the room frustration floods through me; our relationship had failed, close as we may remain it is clear that we do not work, our views were never the same; and though in some respects she knows me better than I know myself, there are others which cause me to question if she ever truly knew me at all. Could it in any way have been wise to allow her to talk to Jade, and can I really believe that she would not have interfered?

My answer to this question was delivered not twenty minutes later. Jade is on the doorstep. Jade is holding flowers; lily's, my favourite, a fact which I was yet to divulge to her. Jade looks more broken that I have ever seen her. As the others vacated the room Jade dropped to her knees in front of me, a look in her eyes that I have never seen before, her sparkle is gone. And as the pleads began to fall from her mouth I have to question who this creature before me is. This isn't the girl I love. What the hell did Dani say to her?


	43. Catapulted in separate directions JADE

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I had spent a good five minutes standing on Andre's door step before I had knocked; five minutes in which a battle had taken place in my mind. Could I really deny who I was in order to give Tori the respect she deserved? The answer seemed so simple, of course Tori is worth more than my pride. When I finally worked up the courage to knock, it was Dani who answered, my already blurry emotions catapulted in separate directions; who am I doing this for? For Tori or for Dani? Would Tori really not understand if I were to approach it my own way? I guess that there is only one way I could get an answer to that question, and as Dani and Andre left the room; I was faced with the decision: plead of fight.

As I approached her slowly my nerves increased and my mouth dried up. Once directly in front of her I dropped to my knees so that I was at her level, and pushed the flowers towards her. It's now or never, I thought to myself. Waves of self hatred jolted through me as I heard the pitiful pleads fall from my mouth. This isn't me, Jade West does not beg. Yet still I continued; my eyes trained to the floor the entire time; how could I possibly hold eye contact with her when every word falling out of my mouth is so insincere?

"Why won't you look at me Jade" Her voice sounds more angry than upset.

Something inside me snapped. I have lowered the standards I set for myself; I am on my knees pleading for forgiveness. I am begging. Yet she is angry, what the fuck? Everything Dani had said vacated my mind. All guilt seemed to vanish, why should I apologise for who I am. A fire seemed to have been re lit within my body as I raised my head; my eyes seeking out hers and locking at the point of contact.

"Fuck this." I hissed as I jumped to my feet. "You know what Vega, I actually am sorry for upsetting you, but that is it. Sure going to Beck doesn't look good, but it happened and I can't change that. The fact remains however that I looked for you first!" Her face is scrunched in confusion and her head is slowly starting to hang, "Don't you dare sit and stare at your lap, look at me!" Her head snaps back up and she looks ready to speak, but I cut her off; "Don't you dare have the audacity to tell me to look at you and then look away yourself." I pause briefly as she raises her gaze to mine once more.

"I looked for you Tori, it took me all of about twenty minutes to realise I wanted you, hell I needed you there. And yes it was my fault, yes I sent you away, but none the less you weren't there, and I needed someone. I was with him two years Tori. Two fucking years! He has been an unbelievable arsehole recently, but in those two years we built up trust, in those two years he saw me at my most vulnerable, for those two years he was my rock. I needed you; but I settled for him; I couldn't be alone. Can't you see that?"

"Jade-" She started, but I knew that if I let her speak then that would be it for my speech; and there was still more I needed to say.

"Just let me finish will you? Let me say my piece, and then I will be more than happy to walk away if that is what you want." She nods slightly and I take that as a sign to continue. "Never have I proclaimed to be perfect. Not once have I tried to come across as anything that I am not. Not once till tonight, I got on my knees for you Tori, I begged for fuck sake. And I felt dirty! So dirty, inside. That isn't me. I can't be a perfect girlfriend, and I am incapable of being the wonderful girl you deserve. I make wrong decisions more times that right ones. I will always be jealous; uncontrollably so. I will never completely stop being paranoid about your previous lovers. And when I am hurt, or angry or whatever I will direct it at people who do not deserve it." I turn around and pace away from her running my hand through my hair as I do so, before turning to face her once more. "But despite all of that, I will love you. Love you so fiercely; I will protect you against anything that could possibly hurt you. I would fucking die for you Tori! You are the one person who could potentially ruin my life, ok? I will try to share more with you because I know that is what you need. But hell you have to give me time to learn to do that. Opening up isn't something that is easy for me."

I let out a deep breath as my words trail off and looking up I can see a pool of tears in her eyes, her teeth digging deeply into her bottom lip. I stand my ground waiting for her response, my heart is pounding against my chest, and my hands are sweating. I watch as she rises to her feet, I witness her exhale deeply. Slowly her arms raise, her hands wiggle in my direction. A great weight that had been hanging over me lifted. I'm not sure who takes the first step, all awareness faded from me as we melted into each other's arms, as our lips crashed together in a frenzy. Time escapes us; It could have been hours, or mere seconds before she broke away.

"I never needed you to be perfect. I needed you to be the girl I fell for. Whether you meant to or not, you have just said all of the right things. Jade West; I love you so much."


	44. I could taste my own blood TORI

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I melted into her lips; our bodies pressed so close together that it would be difficult to see where one began and the other ended. Though originally her false demeanour had made me furious, any sense of anger had faded away had faded away the second she had allowed her personality to shine through. As I had expected seeing her in person, once she was being herself, all of my walls had come down and forgiveness had flooded through me.

We lost all sense of our surroundings, the concept that we were in Andre's house escaped our thoughts as she pushed me back on to the sofa, falling on top of me. The kiss deepened and as she bit down on my bottom lip I could taste my own blood. Her knee pushed up between my legs applying pressure to my clit, and my hands pushed inside her shirt. I feel her shiver at my touch, her hand is pulling at the buttons on my jeans, and it slips inside, past my panties. I let out a soft moan and rock my hips in time with her hand, my own hand slips inside her bra, my fingers pinching her nipple. Our mouths crash back together, the sense of raw need is heavy in the air.

The noise of a throat being cleared sounds like a bullet crashing through the silence. We freeze, realising where we are.

"Damn Muchacha, you don't waste any time." Andre's voice pierces through my ears.

Jade's hand retracts quickly as does my own. I can see a flush of colour on her cheeks, and feel my own burning. She sits up quickly her back to Andre and tries to fix her top, as she turns to face him I frantically pull at the button of my jeans.

"Andre, what's going on in there" I hear Dani's voice call from further away and I wish I could just disappear.

"I am so sorry." I mumble; my head staring firmly at the floor. Shame is written all over my face

"Sorry for what?" Dani asks walking into the room, fantastic another witness.

I hear Jade groan and watch her cover her face with her hands. "We just got caught up in the moment" I blab, "We totally forget where we were I am so sorry." My voice is stuttering. Memories of getting caught with Dani merge with the current situation. I really need to have more self restraint; I think to myself."

"Tori, really its fine-" Andre starts, but Dani cuts him off.

"I told you to beg her; not fuck her!" she hisses at Jade. Causing my face to scrunch up in confusion, what the hell; she told Jade to beg?

Jade jumped to her feet, the fury from earlier re-intensifying in her eyes. "Stop telling me what to fucking do!" she screamed causing both Dani and Andre to jump. "I tried to follow your advice, I really did. But I couldn't, I am not you and I don't fucking want to be. Things didn't work for you and Tori did they? So why would your advice work for me? I was an idiot to listen to you. And do you know what Dani? When I did it my way, the way you said wouldn't work, Tori told me that she just needed me to be myself!" Dani seemed to be frozen to the spot; her mouth repeatedly opening and closing as Jade stared at her harshly. Andre standing between them looks thoroughly uncomfortable, like a cat caught in the headlights of a car.

"You told her to beg?" I question finally finding my voice, "but why?"

"Tori I just wanted to help-" She spluttered in response, but I didn't want to hear it.

"Dani just stop. I know; I know you meant well. But please, just don't! I'm a person, I'm not something that you need to guard and protect. I don't need you to fight my battles for me. I love Jade and she loves me. Any obstacle that throws itself at us, we will work it out. Because that's how relationships work" I say smiling at Jade. Her eyes are shining brightly and her entire face seems to have lit up as she reaches out a hand to me, I link my fingers between hers and she pulls me in front of her wrapping her hands around my waist and kissing me gently on the cheek. Stood together we were strong; our gazes met Dani's, and her head hung.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She muttered, in an apologetic tone her voice sounded slightly broken. Noticing this Andre moved over to her and wrapped her into a hug. And there we stood in silence, two couples immersed, absorbed, consumed.

Once everyone had calmed down, Jade and I left; to return to her house. Despite the chaos of the day I was still looking forward to falling asleep in her arms and waking up next to her. She had already assured me that her father would not be home until the next day. It would appear that he never returns in time to resolve an argument, but instead prefers to avoid them until he is able to dismiss them completely. A glimmer of hope emerged as I learnt this; maybe he would not press further about our relationship? Jade having already told me in no uncertain terms that her father 'could go fuck himself' and that she wouldn't let him come between us, seemed less worried about him potentially interfering. Yet there was still a small voice in the back of my mind muttering that he could.

By the time we arrived at her house; dinner time had long since passed, neither of us felt like cooking so instead Jade had grabbed several packets of crisps and launched them at me laughing before making herself some coffee.

"Some host you are" I joked and she responded by firing a further three packs at me, one of which hit me directly in the face. "Hey!" I pouted, causing her to laugh as she made her way over to me. She sat down next to me and kissed me gently on the nose.

"There all better" she chuckled before grabbing a packet, ripping it open and demolishing the contents.

Six bags later we had both given up on the salty snacks, preferring to use our mouths for other purposes instead. Things were starting to get pretty heated and I became acutely aware that we were still in her front room. Having been caught in the act once already today, I was determined not to be again.

"Jade" I purred into her ear as she sucked on my neck, no doubt leaving a hickey, "Can we move to your room?"

"Tori Vega are you trying to get me in bed?" she cried out in mock shock and horror before dissolving in to laughter and pulling me to my feet. "I thought you'd never ask" she adds squeezing my arse slightly "By the way I have a new tattoo I want to show you, it's on my torso." She states plainly causing me to raise my eyebrows, it was only earlier today that I had seen her naked, when had she managed to get that?


	45. The concept of making love JADE

We raced up the stairs like a couple of giggling school girls, tripping each other and pulling each other back by our clothes, as if competing in a race. If it wasn't for the raspy soft and deep hard kisses that took place then any witness would swear our main aim was to reach my room first. However this could not have been further from the truth; we needed to get there together, we are both simply impatient. Adults would tell you that it was our hormones causing this need, that our age was the primary factor. The ball in my chest tells me that this isn't true, I do not merely want to have sex; if it was that simple I could have stayed with Beck. No this is different, the ball in my chest is ever present; yet grows whenever she is around, the reason I need her is love; it is that pure, and as for the need between my legs could it not be that she is simply that beautiful?

We fall on my bed together; our lips locked, and manage not to break the contact. I push myself on top of her and feel her fingers tangle in my hair, tugging at it slightly, I bite down on her lip; reopening the earlier cut and taste her blood. I lose my senses as her scent invades my every pore. My hands roam her body over her clothes, every curve is memorised, and embedded deeply in my mind. I now know every place to stroke; how to access every weakness. I feel her shudder beneath me as my tongue glides down her ear. Every move is precise; the connection so strong that I almost feel I can sense what she wants; what she needs. Her hand has pushed up the back of my shirt by now and her fingers are scratching down my back, as I feel her nails break my skin I decide that it is time to move on from making out.

My legs are straddling her as I sit up; gripping tightly around hers, I learned early on that holding her legs closed with pressure, with force; it drives her wild. A smile overcomes her face as our eyes meet and my gaze falls on her. I smirk slightly as I tug at the top button of my shirt, signalling to her that I am going to do this slowly. I have to anyway, it's all a part of the plan I formulated whilst at the florists. Despite having brought the flowers which Dani had suggested, looking around the shop; looking over the chocolates, stuffed toys and plants, I had come to realise how hollow these gestures really were. Sure they were 'nice' and I suppose I can see how they have come to be considered 'romantic'; however I also feel that there is a lack of creativity to be associated with people who buy these gifts. So many people buy loved ones these gifts for so many different reasons. Yet they still make people feel special, a concept which I do not understand. Surely such a common gift should cause someone to feel ordinary rather than special?

I had raked my mind for some way I could tell; show Tori that I was sorry, and that it was her I wanted. To show her how special she truly is to me. And I had become acutely aware that I was never going to find that answer in this shop. The mindless articles which had surrounded me may seem sufficient to 'buy' forgiveness to Dani. But in my opinion if I had settled for these I would be no more deserving of Tori's love than any other potential suitor. There was only one thing she had asked of me that I had rejected. Only one thing which I knew she wanted, yet I held the power to stop, and I had instructed that power. To give her this, it was the only way I could see to show her that I was willing to change for her. Not to change who I was as such; but to change in small ways, for us rather than for her.

I pull the buttons apart slowly; her eyes narrow, the black marks on my body still incomprehensible to her, my smirk widened. I lean down pulling her into a deep kiss, knowing that every moment I postpone unveiling it is creating suspense; and in turn overwhelming her curiosity. Pulling back up, I slowly continue. Once the buttons are undone I allow the shirt to tumble down my arms. Tori's eyes widen and her mouth falls open, as she takes in my 'tattoo'.

Written across my chest and stomach; in black marker pen, are the words:

**Tori**

**Will you go to**

**Prom**

**With me?**

Followed by two boxes' underneath them, one of which has yes written next to it, the other has no. Her eyes light up after what I can only assume is her having re-read the question. From the back pocket of my jeans I pull out the black marker pen and push it into her hands. A high pitched squeal rushes from her body, her arms clamped around my body, crushing my arms to my sides. Her lips found mine in a frenzy, her tongue pushing violently inside of my mouth. As she pulled away, tears were glistening in her eyes; her bottom lip was trembling slightly despite the fact that she was chewing on it slightly.

"Are you going to give me an answer?" I purr pulling her back into the moment.

Quick as a flash she glances at the pen in her hands, tares off the lid and swipes a tick through the 'yes' box. Our lips melt back into each other's and clothes peel of layer by layer. Our naked forms are pressed together, our tongues are battling. My fingers pressed inside her complete the connection. Breaking away from the kiss I lock eye contact. My fingers pumping in and out of her at a steady pace, the soft moans falling from her mouth tell me that I am hitting the right spot. I increase both the speed and the pressure as my thumb rolls over her clit continuously. I watch her eyes roll back slightly and feel her breath heavy on my skin. My free hand strokes gently across her hairline as I pull her face so she is looking directly at me. Our eyes lock once again, and I watch hers roll backwards slightly before squeezing closed, and my name falls from her mouth repeatedly accompanied by moans.

We had already mastered sex, but I think this was the moment I finally understood the concept of making love.


	46. She looks so delicate TORI

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**Iamstoopkid, No I didn't mention a green heart tattoo, but it sounds familar to me too! So I must have read that somewhere as well. (For the record I am still uber excited that someone who wrote a fic I love is reading something I wrote!).  
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**Jay aka Jordan, I love it that you know where that was from! Also did you notice that the way Tori asked Jade was the same way Spencer ased Ashley? South of Nowhere is unbeleivably amazing. Not nearly enough people know about it and or have seen it!  
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Upon awaking the next morning I could feel a weight pressing on me, rubbing my eyes I brought them to a focus; Jade's arm was slug heavily across my chest. She is lying on her stomach, her face looks so peaceful, and a slight patch of drool soaking through the pillow comes from her lips. Lost in her beauty; I lay perfectly still so as not to wake her. My eyes only breaking contact to blink, I am intent on mentally photograph this moment. A rare moment where Jade's outer shell is cracked and her walls are down; she looks so delicate.

Time seems to have slowed to a still as I remain mesmerised by her; only when she stirs slightly do I realise that my whole body has tensed up; the weight of her arm on my chest is beginning to ache. Turning my head to see the clock I realise that I haven't moved for thirty minutes. A small groan breaks the silence as her arm finally retracts; signalling to me that the beautiful creature beside me is coming to life. I study her movements; she stretches out before pulling her legs back up curling herself up, I take note of the way she scrunches her face slightly and wriggles her nose before pulling her arms up to rub her eyes. Then finally her eyes flutter open.

"Good morning sleepy" I tease playfully.

"Morning" She grunts grumpily in reply.

"Somebody needs their daily early morning caffeine boost" I chuckle, flicking her nose slightly and jumping out of bed.

Realising I am still naked; I tug her black silk dressing gown from the back of her door and wrap it around myself. Turning towards her a blow a kiss; causing her to roll her eyes. But nothing can ruin my mood today. I am elated; and nothing can take that away from me. There is a spring in my step as I move towards her kitchen, and I begin to hum slightly as I make her coffee. Waiting for the kettle to boil I dance slightly across her kitchen, my humming halting as my voice bursts into song.

"_Oh, her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like they're not shining  
Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her trying  
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day_

Yeah, I know, I know, when I compliment her she won't believe me  
And it's so, it's so, sad to think that she don't see what I see  
But every time she asks me do I look ok, I say.."

I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist and Jade's breath is heavy on my neck as she sings softly directly into my ear.

_"When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change  
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are  
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while  
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are."_

I turn around slowly as she pushes in to kiss me, my back arches over the counter and I press deeply into her. Ducking under her arm I skip over to the other side of the room; snapping round to face her I beckon her over to me by curling my finger.

_"Her lips, her lips, I could kiss them all day if she let me  
Her laugh, her laugh, she hates but I think it's so sexy  
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day._

Oh, you know, you know, you know, I'd never ask you to change  
If perfect's what you're searching for then just stay the same  
So, don't even bother asking if you look ok  
You know I'll say.."

Jade takes a gulp of coffee, licks her lips and begins a slow sultry walk towards me. Upon reaching me she runs a finger down my cheek.

_"When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change  
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are  
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while  
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are  
The way you are, the way you are"_

I cut in and sing over the top of her.

_"Girl you're amazing, just the way you are._"

We lock gazes and I grab her hands pulling her towards me. Swaying in time we share the last chorus, our voices blending perfectly, as we sing in unison.

_"When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change  
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are  
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while  
Cause girl you're amazing, just the way you are."_

Our lips crash together and the taste of coffee transfers from her lips to mine, pulling my head back but leaving my hips pressed firmly against hers I look into her eyes; "You finally woke up enough to come join me then beautiful?"

She shrugs slightly before replying, "Well I wanted coffee and my girlfriend seemed to have stepped into a musical. I thought I better go do it myself."

"Hey!" I pout causing her to laugh.

"Relax Vega. You sang it wonderfully, and the song choice was touching, its far more appropriate for you though."

"You're silly" I state brushing my lips against hers.

"Only for you" she responds deepening the kiss.

Her teeth nip at my lips, and I part them willingly. Our tongues collide dancing together as she sways me in time, the tune still embedded in our brains. Once again she backs me up against the counter, her hand runs down my body brushing over my breast, with only silk separating my skin and her hand every touch is exhilarating. I arch my back aching for her to take it further and as if answering my inner question she runs a hand up my inner leg. As she moves closer to my centre I can feel the dampness swelling. A whimper escapes me as her fingers run gently across my outer lips; my hips push further forward begging her to enter. However as her fingers slip through my lips, across my clit and tease me, pleasure is not the only sensation to run through my body.

If ever there was a true déjà vu moment, this was it. Memories of the encounter with Dani's father after having found us in a similar position; all be it roles reversed, flood to my mind. Given Jade's fathers reaction to our relationship I highly doubt he would be forgiving if he were to enter the room and be confronted by the sight of us entwined. Moreover, as thoughts of Dani entered my mind, I found myself less aroused than I had been moments before. Jade's every touch was perfect, flawless as always; but I was unable to enjoy it whilst thoughts of my ex girlfriend were present in my mind.

"You ok babe?" She purred into my ear causing me to shiver slightly.

"Y-yeas" I stuttered smiling slightly at her before pulling her hand away and kissing her softly; "despite how amazingly talented your hands are, I don't want to do that here."

"Why?" She groans frowning at me slightly, "I want you" She growls as an afterthought.

"Later" I purr in response, I have things to do today baby." She steps backwards crossing her arms and frowning slightly. "Seeing as I am now going to prom with the most beautiful girl at our school, I think it is only appropriate that I should try to look good myself. I'm going to ring Cat and Dani, and we are going dress shopping, you want to come?"

She moves back over to her coffee and takes several long glugs before answering me, "Vega I hate shopping."

Shaking my head I whip out my phone, "Fine, but I'm still going and you will have to eventually." Turning swiftly I skip back up the stairs to shower and get dressed. Having contacted the others I have arraigned to meet them in an hour. To say I was excited would be a severe understatement.


	47. Tell me to stop JADE

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I lean backward into the spot where moments before I had Tori pinned, a scowl embedding in my brow, I was wound up; really horny and she had left me like this to get ready to go shopping. Well two can play at that game. Much as I hate shopping I am not one to pass up a perfect opportunity. Tori is going to want to try on a hell of a lot of dresses; and in turn this means she will be partially naked in a cubical. My mind forms the perfect plan and my frown is replaced by a smirk. Well we will see who ends up the horny mess by the end of the day I think to myself as I turn and head up the stairs after her.

"Tori! Babe, I am going to come with you" I call out on my way up. An excited squeal meets me in response as she runs at me crashing a kiss on my lips.

"What made you change your mind?"

"I want to look good for you" I respond shrugging slightly, trying to keep a straight face so as not to reveal my ulterior motive.

She drags me to my room by my hand telling me that we have to leave in twenty minutes, causing me to sight as I realise I don't have time to shower. I grab some clothes and pull them on before sitting in front of my mirror to start on my hair and make-up. Through the mirror I can see Tori practically skipping round the room collecting things which she seems to think she should take with her. I shake my head slightly, amused by my girlfriend's behaviour: is it possible to be too happy? I think to myself. However the rush of warmth I feel answers this for me: as long as she is happy, so am I.

Half an hour later I am standing outside the mall a coffee cup gripped in my hand, my other holding Tori against me. A flame of red is visible in the distance and the loud squeal of excitement accompanying it announces Cat's arrival. She runs at us hugging us simultaneously managing to squash Tori between us as I am pressed to the wall. Laughter sounds from the three of us and Cat releases her grasp to pounce on Dani. I watch on amused as Dani struggles against Cat's grasp and steady Tori back to her feet.

"Are we dress shopping or what?" I call out grabbing Cat's attention.

The over excited red head let out one last squeal before running through the mall doors, Tori and Dani exchange bemused glances as I roll my eyes, and the three of us follow her inside. Just as I was starting to question whether I really wanted to be here I looked up to see Tori's arse swaying in front of me. Oh god yes this is so on, I think to myself.

The violently bright colours assault my eyes as I enter the first dress shop, Tori's face fills with delight and Cat runs straight over to the first rail. Within seconds the three girls have their arms full of dresses; I stare at them in amazement. As they all start to head towards the changing rooms I shake my head slightly and let out a small laugh causing Tori's head to turn.

"You haven't picked any dresses" She states looking confused.

"Tori we have been in here all of three minutes, I didn't realise it was possible to pick up so many in that space of time* I laugh signalling to the pile in her hand causing her to blush before turning back towards the changing room.

Turning my back on her I walk over to the rails holding the darker dresses, after skimming through I have five black and one blue dress draped over my arm. Bored of looking through them I head after the others; upon entering the changing rooms I find that all of the stalls are full. Perfect; I mutter under my breath.

"Tori?" I call out.

"Jade? What is it, I'm getting changed." Her voice sounds from the end stall.

I walk towards it purposely and slip past the curtain so I am inside. I bite down on my lip noticing that she is only in her underwear.

"There are no rooms left, I'm sharing with you." I state as she looks at me, a blush on her cheeks.

"Ohh um yeah sure" She smiles.

Her eyes bulge slightly as I pull my top over my head, and I smirk in response before pulling my trousers down and yanking on the first dress. She seems rooted to the spot; her gaze fixed upon the low cut neck line.

"Are you going to get dressed Vega?" I tease looking her up and down.

Only then does she snap out of her trance and realise that she is still only wearing underwear. I let out a small laugh and push her roughly to the wall before she has a chance to grab a dress. My lips crash to hers in a hurry and cut her off from speaking; as my hand caresses her body slowly. I feel her let out a soft moan against my lips as I run my fingers across her panties. Her knees give way slightly as I bite down sharply on her lip, I can feel the damp spreading. She lets out a louder moan before making a feeble whimpering plea for me to stop 'because we are in public'.

"Tell me you don't want this." I challenge looking into her eyes.

"I-I do but-" She starts but I cut her off with a rough kiss.

"If you're worried about getting caught then you will just have to be quiet wont you?" I state pushing my hand insider her underwear and running my fingers across her clit.

"J-Jade, you know I can't" She mumbles.

"Then tell me to stop." I move my mouth to the top her breast and begin to suck.

She groans slightly, but makes no further attempt to stop things. Instead her fingers tangle roughly in my hair as she presses flat against the wall to steady herself. I move my fingers away from her sensitive clit and glide them inside her. My mouth starts a trail of kisses down her stomach as my free hand glides her panties from her body. Once my mouth reaches her centre I retract my hand and spread her legs further apart, my hands pinning her hips firmly against the wall. A quick swipe of my tongue across her clit causes her to whimper slightly, I pull upright and shove her own underwear in her mouth.

"Bite down on them if you can't be quiet" I order in a menacing whisper before placing a gentle kiss on her cheek and moving my head back to its previous position. My tongue glides through her folds, repeatedly brushing against the sensitive sack of nerves, the way the legs are shaking against my head tell me that she is already close. I flick my tongue up inside her slightly a few times before sucking down hard on her clit. She lets out a struggled moan against her underwear as her shaking intensifies and her legs buckle slightly. I hold her securely against the wall as I lap out the seeping juices and lick my lips. Pulling up so I am level with her I quickly tear the underwear from her mouth tossing it on the floor, before roughly kissing her, allowing her to taste herself. After I let her go and watch as she slowly slides down the wall onto the floor.

"Enjoy Vega?" I ask smirking.

I pull the dress from my body and quickly redress in my own clothes.

"I knew what dress I wanted already. But this-" I gesture between us "most definitely made shopping more interesting. Oh and I think I'll get this dress too, you know for the memories." I wink smirk at her slightly before leaving the cubicle.

"Jade! Have you picked a dress?" Cat squeals at me.

"Yeah I'm going to go pay, but Tori is still deciding." I respond before turning and smiling to myself as I head to the cash register with two dresses in my arms.


	48. Distant strangers TORI

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One minute she was all over me like a rash, the next she was gone, leaving me to sit on the floor of the cubicle panting for breath. My panties lying next to me coated with saliva where my mouth had covered them muffling my screams. Noticing that a dark shade of red has covered my face as I stare at my reflection in the mirror, my mind screams at me to stand and make myself decent. My body however refuses to comply; my legs still shaking far too violently to possibly withstand my weight were I to try. Moistness spreading across the cold floor beneath me, seeping from my centre and running down my thighs.

I hear both Cat an Dani's voices echo over me from outside the cubicle, I seem however held to the spot; as if some suction device is rooting me there. Sometime after their voices stop calling for me, my phone sounds text alerts repeatedly, but I do not even turn my head. My eyes bore into the mirror, my reflection looking back. I am barely aware when the cubicle door pushes open and make no attempt to cover myself up. Black blinds my vision as Jade's arms wrap around me pulling me close to her, and the familiar scent of her seems to drag me from my trance. Pulling away she looks at me concern ripe in her eyes.

"Are you ok Tori?"

Staring up at her warmth fills my own eyes, and in turn seems to melt the concern in hers. I move my hand up to pull her into a gently kiss, which she breaks away from chuckling.

"Did someone lose it a bit there?" She laughs before smirking "I know I'm good Vega. But I didn't know I was that good."

I blush up at her in response once again looking at my pile of clothes finally considering getting dressed, seeing as I have spent far too much time in this cubicle as it is. But before I can move Jade is at the pile of clothes. She presses soft kisses against every inch of my skin as she begins to dress me, and for once the kisses do not feel sexual, it is as if she knows that part is over, and with every kiss she is printing layers of love. I smile gently as she stands me up; a hand on my waist holding me steady. I rest my head back against the wall pressing my eyes closed smiling into the darkness feeling her slide up my panties, followed by my jeans. Her lips trail gently across my stomach before reaching my lips. She pulls away again and leans round me to clip my bra, before pulling my top over my head.

"There we are, all done." She states smiling at me.

I flick my eyes open and lean in pressing my lips to hers and kiss her passionately, before pulling away to look at her.

"I love you too Jade." I say staring deep into her eyes watching her blush slightly, before turning her head and grabbing my hand and squeezing.

"Come on they are waiting for us."

She grabs the dresses which I never got round to trying on and pulls me outside, pushing them at the attendant she walks on head staring straight ahead, whereas my gaze is glued firmly to the floor, embarrassment rushing through me. Looking back she gives my hand another squeeze in an attempt to reassure me, and upon raising my head I catch the shy 'Jade smile' which many people are never able to experience, just before she turns away. A small smile creeps itself onto my face as the embarrassment fades, replaced with adoration and a sense of privilege. So few people ever manage to see this aspect of Jade; this shy, caring, and protective side that I feel it may be possible to overlook her rash decisions, her unrelenting need for dominance. And more to the point, if she is allowing me to see this part of her, there really is no reason for me to feel any sense of embarrassment over her having seen me in such a futile state.

The rest of the shopping trip seemed to pass by quickly; Jade, Cat and Dani all having brought dresses. Cat had seemed confused and Dani's eyes had bulged upon hearing that I was yet to pick out a dress. I managed to shrug it off stating that I simply hadn't found one I had liked, gaining a smirk from Jade. We parted our ways Dani offering Cat a ride, and Jade taking me home. Pulling up outside my house Jade let out a gently sigh and turned to face me.

"Are you sure you can't spend the night again?" She asks me for the third time.

"Yes baby. I have to go home or my parents' are going to get angry, I haven't stayed at home for days."

"Fine." She grunts unenthusiastically, "But it won't be the same sleeping without you."

I lean in and press a soft kiss to her cheek, "Mm I know baby, but it can't be helped."

She sighs in response turning to bring her lips to mine. Her teeth nip at my bottom lip as I brush my tongue across her lips. We let out synchronized moans as our mouths open allowing our tongues to meet, and lose ourselves in each other. I am the one to pull away causing her to groan and pout, as a chuckle tumbles from my lips upon witnessing it. I press a last gentle kiss to her lips and we say our goodbyes.

Entering my house I let out a sigh, it really will feel strange to sleep alone tonight. Trina intercepts me on my way up the stairs. She looks drained, biting at my bottom lip I realise that she is still hurting, and I haven't been there for her. She passes me without a word, her ego deflated, a shadow of the person she once was. I move on up to my room unsure of what to say, or even if there is anything that I could say.

People never truly understand Trina; never see past the obnoxious front she keeps up. Never see who she really is. But I know her, and I know that she has so many insecurities, and so much love inside her that it terrifies her. She is in all, not so dissimilar to Jade; they both put up fronts, push people away. But I see past it, I know that she just needs someone to love her, to anchor her down in the same way I hope I do for Jade.

I know there is no way I can find that person for her, and that really I cannot free her from her own mask. But the nagging voice in my head tells me that maybe, just maybe there is one small thing that I can do. One way in which I can rid some of the humiliation, give her some sense of pride back. Sighing I pull myself back up and move to leave my house, knowing that I am not going to be met by pleasantries, and that it quite possible my words will not be listened to. None the less, I have to do this; I have to do this for her.

My palms are damp with sweat, and my breathing is shaky as I stand outside, my eyes bore into the door, avoiding looking at the window where I know he is standing, glaring at me, waiting for me to make my move. After taking one last deep breath I step forwards, and knock once on the door, and within seconds it opens, raising my head to look up at him I attempt to give a strained smile, forcing it, he nods gently and steps back allowing me to walk in before closing the door and sitting on his couch, biting my lip I move over and sit beside him. Silence washing over us as we realise that we do not even know how to speak to each other anymore. Once good friends have become distant strangers: caught in the battlefield which accompanies loving Jade West.

"Why are you here?" He sighs, running his fingers through his hair. I stare up at him and gulp.

"This has to stop." I mumble weakly. "We can't stay like this. You know that right?"

"I know. But how?"

"I don't know." I admit trailing off. "Beck, I really am sorry."

"I know."

Silence once again overcomes us, neither wanting to speak for fear of the others reaction. Not knowing what to say or do, words once again failing.

"You really hurt her." I stare blankly, "Trina. Why did you do that?"

"I don't know." He groans running his hand over his face. "I hate that I done it though. It was you I was mad at, not her. She didn't deserve it." Seeing the genuine regret on his face caused me to smile faintly, a sense of hope returning.

"You can still make it right." He looks up at me a questioning look on his face.

"How? How can I ever make up for that?"

"You'll figure it out. I know you Beck; I know you can do this." I smile at his properly for the first time since entering the RV and after a moment he returns it before turning away.

"I've missed you." He whispers into the air, I can only assume he didn't wish me to hear is, so turn my head away blushing.

"Can we please just try again, start over?" I ask lip trembling. "I don't want to lose you."

My nerves shoot through the roof when he doesn't respond. And realisation sets in, it's over there is no way back. I've ruined it. Biting down hard on my bottom lip; I stand and edge towards the door. I let out a small sigh as I touch the handle.

"Okay." His voice carries softly across the room. "We can try."

Shy smiles are shared as our eyes meet, tears dripping down my cheeks and pained expression crosses his face. We both know there is a long way to go before we will truly be comfortable with each other again. The unspoken words suspended between us, the knowledge of the love we both feel for Jade hangs in the balance. Yet a faint glance to his eyes gives me hope that we can make it through this. As I walk outside he moves to the doorframe giving a small wave as he watches me go.

Returning home I find Trina on the sofa, her eyes trained to her phone, a slight smile on her face. She looks happier than I have seen her in weeks, looking over at her I smile softy before heading back upstairs to my room. I knew he could make it right.


	49. Let the credits roll JADE

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Leaning back in the car I watched her go, my eyes squeezing closed as she entered the house. Her taste lingering in my mouth, moistness resting on my lips. She had broken the kiss, which in all honesty was just as well because I couldn't have pulled back had I wanted too. I flick my tongue out, gently running my tongue across my lips, pulling the last remaining elements of her into my mouth, and sighing in content; before dragging my eyes open and starting the car. Silence engulfing it as I follow the road home.

The car sitting in the driveway informs me that the sweet and peaceful silence is not destined to last. Slipping into the house, my eyes roam around the delicate fragments of my, our life displayed. Old photos of my father and I scattered, even older ones in which my mother is present. Where would we stand now if she was still here? My finger tips reach out to gently stroke a frame, my eyes focused; but my brain only half comprehending. My eyes flicker closed as I let out a sigh and turn, unease filling through me as I feel arms wrap around me and in turn mine respond.

The gesture is unfamiliar, yet recognisable, a distant memory almost. One which has been buried in the back of my mind for several years, I had become accustomed to living without this, yet his scent filling my nose as he holds me close brings me back to a child like state. We don't do this. We don't show that we care; we coexist beside each other, a carefully built wall separating our lives. I'm not even sure who built it anymore. Minutes pass, both of us to stubborn to break the eerie silence, yet not letting go. As if breaking the contact will return everything to its former state, I'm not ready for that.

A deep sigh leaves his lips as he pulls away; I match it with one of my own. Stepping back, the barricade between us is still very much present, pained eyes meet pained eyes before his flick over to the frame I had been staring into only moments before. Taking a step forwards, through the rubble which is our relationship he reaches out and lays the frame down flat, his eyes glistening. I hear my voice without realising I have spoken, the words he has heard all too many times before falling.

"Why did you let her go?"

A deep from settles in his brow as he steps back behind the wall, I meet his gaze with a scowl. I know the answer, yet something within me always pushes me to search for something, anything more. I refuse to believe that it can be so simple to watch someone you love walk away. Knowing that were it Tori, I would fight to the bitter end, to death, rather than sit back and watch her leave. Yet that's what he did. He took a back seat and let the credits roll as my mother departed from our lives.

I learnt early on in life that nothing is permanent, life itself is fluid, flowing like a river tangling you up in the twists and turns. You can dig in and struggle against the movement; yet the potential is always present, all that is or was ever considered set in stone hangs in a fragile balance, waiting to crumble beneath your feet. My mother's leaving had proved this. The kiss on the cheek, the solemn 'I love you', empty words and gestures. I'd cried, but he hadn't. His face remained hard; no movement was made, and from that day forward I never once saw him smile again.

We carried on as if nothing had happened, but the sad reality was that everything had been altered. So much of her was present in me, that he couldn't bear to get close, bonds were lost, and our once close relationship slowly drifted to the awkward coexistence in which we now function. Living side by side, yet being on completely different parallels.

Looking up at him with challenging eyes I repeat my question, anger edging on my voice, the tone raising.

"Why did you let her go?" his eyes lock with mine and his jaw clenches.

"Because I loved her." The words I have needed to hear; the humanising words, drop from his lips, little more than a whisper. And my expression softens immediately.

Biting my lip I reach over, my hand squeezing his arm slightly. His face seems to age with a sigh as he looks at me, seeming to be searching my eyes for something.

"This girl. You love her?"

I nod still biting my lip, feeling tears in my eyes. "I really do."

Our eyes lock, an unreadable expression consuming his face, my nerves shot. Silence echoing around us, seemingly to loud to bear. My mind screaming for him to say something. Anything. He bows his head, and I feel a hot wetness glide down my cheek. My hand still resting on his arm, connecting us, fighting against the distance. The lines which had been drawn years before blurring slightly as he looks back up. Our gazes meet and any sense of battle seems to wash away, a softness present in his eyes, a faint smile playing on his lips for the first time in years. I let out a breath which I had been unaware I was holding as I weakly return the smile.

"Then that's all that matters." He mumbles nodding to turn away.

Watching him go, does for once not leave a bitter after taste in my mouth. The tears continuing to fall yet sadness leaves me. Knowing that we have taken the first step to rebuilding what we once had.


End file.
